Natalie Morris’s article (Grief can take us to the darkest of places – why don’t we take it seriously?, 2 August) floored me. It brought back so many memories of my own dad’s death and trying to grieve and deal with work at the same time (once I returned after acute stress and panic attacks). One thing she didn’t mention is that, at a point when you are at your most vulnerable, you also have to deal with the “sadmin” to do with the death.
I also put myself through the stress of complaining to the care home and any organisation that needed to know about the appalling way in which my dad’s death was handled. It wasn’t investigated. Far too often you are dealing with people who clearly haven’t a clue about what you are going through.
My mum died 13 weeks ago in a supportive care home and I am coping surprisingly well. My dad died three years ago and I am finally coping with the trauma of his death, thanks to more counselling this year and the knowledge that I did all I could to avoid this happening to someone else. But there were times when I did not want to be alive and experiencing this level of pain.
Name and address supplied
• Natalie Morris really hits the mark. There are many myths and a lot of misinformation about grief – for example, time heals all wounds, or in the case of losing a child, one can replace the child by having another. None of that is accurate. When my mother died at the same time as my 17-year marriage ended, I lost my home, the father of my two children died unexpectedly, and I got a diagnosis of coeliac disease – all within a two-year period. I was utterly overwhelmed. Although I was getting talk therapy and had people who cared about me, it didn’t address the awful emotional turmoil, insomnia, loss of appetite and thoughts of wanting it all to end.
I managed to recover using the grief recovery method as outlined in the Grief Recovery Handbook by John W James and Russell Friedman. It literally saved my life.
Caroline McKinnon
Novato, California, US
• Natalie Morris nails it when she says that statutory bereavement leave, alongside emotional support, should be available for people after a loved one dies. It was one of the key recommendations in a 2022 report by the UK Commission on Bereavement. Unfortunately, such provision is still dependent on employers’ discretion, and access to services such as grief counselling can be patchy and long-awaited.
We are a long way from making the UK a supportive and understanding place to grieve in schools, work and in the community. Grief can be utterly bewildering and, in the case of caring for people with terminal illness, it starts before the death and lasts long after. Marie Curie understands that complicated journey and is there for people until the end and beyond.
Anyone struggling with grief and bereavement can contact our helpline, 0800 090 2309, which is available six days a week.
Rachel Warren
Senior policy and research manager, Marie Curie
• I was pleased to read Natalie Morris’s excellent article on the lack of support around grief, but disappointed that there was no mention of Cruse Bereavement Support, a charity whose well-trained volunteers offer skilled support across a range of media.
Dr Pat Young
Lynton, Devon
• In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on freephone 116 123, or email jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In the US, you can call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 988, chat on 988lifeline.org, or text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at befrienders.org
