Rivalries are intense. Think Army-Navy, Federer and Nadal, Coke vs. Pepsi, and Republicans vs. Democrats. But there's more to competition than winning and losing.
You can learn a great deal from a rival. Adversaries can push you like nobody else.
"Having rivals keeps you on the top of your game, it keeps you sharp because you are constantly being challenged to strive to be the best you can be," said Mary Olson-Menzel, an executive coach who works with Fortune 500 execs and NFL athletes, and author of "What Lights You Up? Illuminate Your Path and Take the Next Big Step in Your Career."
A healthy rivalry will force you to ask yourself: "How can I improve myself? How can I improve my game?" said Olson-Menzel.
What Competition Can Teach You
It's important to study a rival, especially after they beat you in a big game, a big election or a big business deal. Since they're a measuring stick, it's vital to see what their strengths are and how they exploited your weaknesses.
"There's wisdom in knowing best practices," said Olson-Menzel. "You want to approach it through a lens of curiosity. What are they doing differently than I am to bring them greater success?"
Don't Just Mimic The Competition
But it's important not to simply copy a rival. The reason? What works for your competitor might not work quite the same for you.
Taking a page from a rival's playbook isn't just about wins and losses.
It's about adopting the right mindset. Learning from the competition is about the process of getting better. It's about pushing each other to get to the next level.
And a rival can benefit you no matter if you're on the tennis court or in the corner office competing against another CEO in the same business.
"Surround yourself with people who are going to lift you higher and complement your skill set," said Olson-Menzel.
Don't Let Envy Drive You
Jealousy is an unhealthy thing to take away from a rivalry. Embrace the rivalry as well as your rival.
It might sound crazy, but in the work world, making your rival a mentor could produce dividends.
Olson-Menzel says she works with a top sales executive who embraces his top competitors rather than keep them at arm's length.
"Once a month, he has lunch with his competitor and they share things off the record that actually help both of them," said Olson-Menzel. "There's a benefit to actually turning your competitors and your rivals into friends and potential mentors. You can mentor each other. You can advise each other."
Know Your Place With Competition
Your rivals might be better than you. They might have just beaten you. Your rivals might have come up with a new way of doing something or developed a breakthrough product a heartbeat ahead of you.
That doesn't mean getting annoyed or giving up. It means figuring out a way to learn from a rival.
"It gives you something to strive for," said Olson-Menzel. "We're never done learning, right? We're never done growing. I think the healthiest competitors are the ones who say, 'OK, I want to learn from my competitor.'"
Study The Best Competition
Learning from the best is an effective way to improve your own game, says Olson-Menzel. Ask them how they got to where they are today. What were the keys to their success? Using the tennis analogy, she says ask the Wimbledon champ what their diet is and what the little things they did to be the best.
The key is to take the best of what others bring to the table and incorporate it into your routine but on your own terms. It does you no good to beat yourself up.
"You have to tap into your own intrinsic motivation, because it's super easy to say they're better than me, blah blah blah," said Olson-Menzel. "In any business or field, you have to bring your own natural gifts and skills to help win. It's about being the best version of yourself. And that the best thing a rival can do is push you to be the best you can be."
Keep Striving
Improving at work isn't necessarily about what you did today, it's getting better day after day after day over the course of your career.
"It's a marathon, not a sprint," said Olson-Menzel, who is founder and CEO of MVP Executive Development, a national coaching consultancy.
And you can't win all the time. That's not how life works.
"Take time to reflect on winning the next race and looking at it as a long game," said Olsen-Menzel.
Focus On Your Strengths
In today's world, success often comes when you do what you're good at.
"It's all about elevating your natural gifts and then creating winning situations by tapping into those, vs. trying to be something you're not," said Olson-Menzel.
Maintain Your Confidence
The worst thing you can do is let a rival's wins over you zap your confidence. To avoid that, build resilience.
"A part of building resilience is allowing yourself to feel the disappointment or despair right after you lost that project or didn't close a sale," said Olson-Menzel.
"It's almost like the stages of grief," added Olson-Menzel. "If you allow yourself a space for reflection then it's much easier to take a deep breath and pick yourself back up. If you don't through that process, it's much harder because it's going to stick with you and stay in your mind."
Instead, a better approach is to get up off the mat and fight another day. Your rival would expect nothing less.
