In my three decades as a sexologist, what I see around sexuality is that we judge what is different from what we know about our own selves. Over two million people have taken my “Erotic Blueprint Quiz”. What I have developed from the results of this quiz, is a framework of “erotic personality types”. Once you know your type, you will know how to communicate your needs and desires to your partner.
Most of us aren’t strictly one type, but a combination of some or all five. Typically, though, everyone has a Primary Blueprint, where you find your easiest access to pleasure and turn-on. Once people have been able to work out which of the five Erotic Blueprint Types they are — and which type their partner is — they can dramatically improve their sex lives.
So, what’s your type?
The Energetic
The Energetic is turned on by space, teasing, anticipation, and yearning. They have some extraordinary Superpowers, like being able to have orgasms without even being touched. On the Shadow side, they can get caught in oversensitivity, which can create numbness and short-circuit their turn-on.
You might be an Energetic type if…
Your turn-ons come from anticipation, space, and teasing. You love the foreplay more than the big event. You love the moment before the kiss.
When physical contact is finally made, you may be disappointed, and your arousal may flatline.
You can orgasm without even being touched. (Yes, it’s possible.)
You may consider yourself an introvert or a highly sensitive person. You are very sensitive to environmental stimulation, such as large groups and loud noises.
If your partner is an Energetic type:
Use more subtlety in your lovemaking. Energetics find pleasure in things most of us take for granted: a breath, a glance, the wind touching their skin, being teased but not touched, a deep gaze holding them while they move.
And here’s a tip: when fully turned on, take a pause, and let your lover come to you when they are ready — this helps an Energetic type to deal with the intensity of the situation. Laughter can be a great way to calm the intensity for an Energetic too, so bring silliness to the bedroom.
The Sensual
A Sensual type is turned on by all their senses being ignited: a taste, a favourite song playing in the background, smells, and touch. On the Shadow side, Sensuals are notorious for getting caught in their heads and not being able to relax into a sexual encounter.
You might be a Sensual type if…
Sights, sounds, textures, tastes, smells, and touches turn you on.
You need to relax before your body and mind can open to arousal and erotic connection.
You need transition time between your busy, stressful day and intimacy with a partner: a moment to make sure your checklist is done for the day, a warm bath, a nap, or time to cuddle.
It may take longer than you expect to reach orgasm or ejaculation.
You lose connection to your pleasure because you get distracted.
If your partner is a Sensual type:
Allow things to unfold organically. Do your best to take any pressure to perform off their shoulders. What could you do today to cross off a few items on their checklist? (Yes, this is some serious foreplay for a Sensual type!) Make a playlist that you can listen to during lovemaking. Slow dance. Run them a bath, help them to get rid of all the day’s distractions.
The Sexual
The Sexual type is turned on by what most people typically think of as “sex”. Give a Sexual nudity, touch and orgasms, and all is right in their world. They are likely able to go from zero to 60 in no time.
You might be the Sexual type if…
Sex is fun, simple and easy. Arousal and orgasm are all easily attainable.
Having sex makes you feel seen, honoured, loved, and desired. If sex is not happening regularly, something feels wrong.
You can be very focused on the goal of reaching orgasm.
You don’t understand why everyone else makes sex so complicated
If your partner is the Sexual type:
Some Sexual types may wonder if they have a “sex addiction”, and may receive this label from a partner who is a different Erotic Blueprint, and who wants less intercourse than their partner.
If you have someone who is a Sexual type in your life, it is quite simple to satisfy them with small gestures: greet them with physical touch. Make dinner with nothing but an apron on. Go shopping for sex toys together, if you’re comfortable doing so.
Tell them which night you’re going to have sex with them — and then make sure to follow through. Read erotica together.
The Kinky
The Kinky is turned on by taboo, whatever that might mean to them. The Kinky’s biggest “Superpower” is that they are endlessly creative and playful. However, they may feel ashamed of their desires because they’re typically seen as taboo.
You might be a Kinky type if…
You are turned on by thinking of or doing things you think are taboo, think you shouldn’t do, or think are naughty or edgy. You are very creative in your erotic play. You love intense sensation or physically edgy play.
It’s possible for you to reach such heightened states of turn-on that you can orgasm without even being touched.
You may experience shame because of what naturally turns you on.
You may find yourself getting stuck in a pattern of taboo eroticism that becomes your only route to turn-on. You may feel constrained by this limitation.
If your partner is the Kinky type:
Kinkys are turned on by anything that is taboo for them. It’s that simple. If you’re just now discovering your lover is a Kinky, it can be a little overwhelming. Do your best not to let your mind run away with all kinds of fears that may not even be real concerns.
Talk to them, instead, without judgement. Be as accepting as you can, and get support for yourself and your partner if you need. There are even coaches who specialise in kink.
The Shapeshifter
The Shapeshifter is turned on by it all! If, as you were reading about the other four Blueprints, you found your desires represented in all the Types, you might be a Shapeshifter.
The Shapeshifter is highly erotically intelligent. This often gets mistaken for being too complex or needy.
You might be a Shapeshifter type if…
You relate to all the desires, wants, and needs of the other four Blueprint Types.
You have a voracious appetite for and are turned on by everything erotic.
During a lovemaking session, your lover is spent when you feel like you’ve barely just begun.
You are a versatile, confident lover, able to satisfy your partner no matter what Blueprint Type they are.
You find yourself shapeshifting to meet your lover’s wants and desires, but your needs are never fully met.
People have repeatedly said things to you like “You’re too much” or “You’re too complicated.”
If your partner is a Shapeshifter type:
Often, because Shapeshifters are so fabulous, the biggest Shadow they deal with is that they tend to shift into whatever their lover’s Blueprint is. Because Shapeshifters are so multifaceted, have a huge appetite for variety, are often at a high level of erotic mastery, and can take so much pleasure, they are often left feeling unsatiated.
So — help them to mix and blend the blueprints together, and make sure there is plenty of space and time for erotic play. Acknowledge them as erotically intelligent instead of being told they are complex and complicated.
