It is 2004 and I am 14, standing in a cold, wet field, muddy football socks about my ankles and clutching protectively what I hope becomes a package sometime soon. I am about to face an opposition free kick. Their number 10 sends the ball sailing through the air. Shouts of “f***” echo through the wind. And then the ball hits me square in the face. I’m down. I’m spinning around. Part of me wishes I had moved out of the way.
Had you told this boy that 20 years on he would be standing in a swish Mayfair club talking to Kylie Minogue, drinking crisp rosé and eating, with some difficulty, two or three bowls of miniature Caesar salad, he would have thought that ball had been a sledgehammer, that he was dreaming. But no, this is Kylie’s 56th birthday party, held at Annabel’s, and also the fourth anniversary of her wine brand. Here, on a night like this?
It is busy when I arrive. I’m not sure whether the carpet has ever felt a pair of Clark’s desert boots on top of it before. We’re in that Tuscan-style room on the first floor, that one for all the lovers, and the always excellent waiting staff are flitting about. Out pours the wine: Kylie’s pink Prosecco, already a hit, and a new signature rosé, Vin de Provence, that hasn’t been released yet.
Who are they for? Those Hertfordshire women who went viral online after asking whether someone said “beveragino”? Yes. Jeremy Clarkson, who apparently loves a glass or two of “hen-do wine”? Absolutely. My friends and I the next time we have a table tennis tournament and a barbecue? You bet. Basically, pretty much anyone who loves wine but isn’t a wine bore. Compare it to Whispering Angel if you like, but Kylie might say something. Whispering Angel is passé; Kylie will always be magic.
Who is this for? Jeremy Clarkson, who apparently loves a glass of “hen-do wine”? Absolutely. My friends and I the next time we have a barbecue? You bet.
It’s clear she loves her wine brand. She comes over and spends time talking about it and sticks around far longer than she needs to: her assistant has to drag her away. Shocked? I was, but you shouldn’t be. Kylie is down to earth. Glamorous too, in a flamboyant pink dress. I’m told by various wine types in attendance that she often goes to drinks shows, unboxes bottles and pours glasses for visitors from behind her stand. Weird to picture it. But everyone in the room appears to adore her. Paul Schaafsma, founder of Benchmark Drinks, which produces the rosé, says as much while Kylie cuts her own birthday cake. Slices go round.
So, just another celebrity booze brand? I think it’s more serious than that. Kylie Minogue Wines has sold more than 15 million bottles in the four years since launch. Her signature bottle is the best-selling premium rosé in the UK, found everywhere from Tesco to Harvey Nicks. Shall I say it? I can’t get it out of my head? Guess so. Until the next football hits me in the face and I’m dreaming all over again.
