Name: The microwave.
Age: 78. It was invented in 1945 after the US radar engineer Percy Spencer realised the device he was standing next to was melting his chocolate bar.
Appearance: Boxy.
Why are we talking about microwaves? Has someone nuked herring in the office again? Are you still harping on about that? No, the microwave is having a moment, according to Vogue.
If Vogue says so, it must be true. But why? Is there a Prada x Panasonic collab in the works? Or has Sam Smith turned one into trousers? Not yet. But one Vogue writer has been testing microwave cookery.
Why on earth have they been doing that? It doesn’t sound very chic. Microwaves are apparently enjoying a chef-led rehabilitation, spearheaded by the chef and restaurateur David Chang, whose book of microwave-led home cooking features fragrant mussels, umami-rich chawanmushi and even spaghetti cacio e pepe.
Yikes, I bet Italy is thrilled. I believe they’ve considered withdrawing their ambassador to the US, although Chang prepares only the sauce, not the pasta, in the microwave, so perhaps a diplomatic incident can be avoided.
No shade to Vogue, but hasn’t the microwavé been having a moment since Nigella archly mispronounced it? Lawson told us she reheated milk in the mee-cro-war-vay in 2020, a cultural event of immense significance, yes. But way back in 2012, Jamie Oliver was calling it “brilliant technology” and waxing lyrical about its way with potatoes and puddings. What’s supercharged the microwavé’s rehabilitation is the cost of living crisis.
Tell me more. Microwaving is one of the cheapest, most energy-efficient ways to cook, with some estimates putting the cost of using one at as little as 8p a day.
I suppose that’s worth a little brain frying. Don’t worry: the rays can’t escape from the metal box, so you would have to climb inside and cook yourself to do serious harm. The World Health Organization isn’t worried.
Next you’ll be telling me they don’t cook food from the inside out. “The waves lose energy as they pass through food, so anything more than 2cm or so from the surface won’t heat up much,” according to New Scientist.
My mind is blown (but not microwaved). You haven’t mentioned the microwave’s greatest contribution to civilisation. What?
Reheating a forgotten cup of coffee 12 times in one day. Oh, was that yours? Sorry, I chucked it when I was heating my sardine and stilton soup.
Do say: “Ping!”
Don’t say: “I’ll tell you what’s hot for autumn/winter 2023: potatoes.”
