The CPS has recently updated its guidance on the many varied ways that abusive partners will emotionally and physically seek to manipulate and control people.
One of these tactics is love-bombing, an act that women and children’s charity Solace identifies as “early signs of abuse in a relationship, what we often call ‘red flags’”.
The guidance from the CPS seeks to inform prosecutors about different abusive tactics that might be used, particularly those that could be misrepresented to mislead criminal proceedings or weaken a case.
Here’s what you need to know about love-bombing, including examples and ways to get help if you or someone you know might be experiencing it.
What is love bombing?
“Love bombing is an attempt to influence and manipulate a partner by repeated and intense demonstrations of attention and affection, such as bombarding with gifts or messages,” explained Ruth Davison, Refuge chief executive officer. “It is commonly used by perpetrators of domestic abuse to assert power and control.”
Love-bombing may also often be used as part of reconciliation, after a victim has pulled back from an abuser after a particular incident of abuse.
When used early on in a relationship, it’s often employed as a means of pressuring the victim into some form of commitment quickly, increasing the level of control that an abuser has over them.
The rapid acceleration of a relationship breaks down emotional barriers and builds a level of trust, promising the victim a future with their abuser.
Examples of love bombing
Some examples include early declarations of love and affection, showering the victim with gifts like flowers and lavish treats, or extreme amounts of praise.
It can be difficult to identify such patterns of abuse, especially for the person in the abusive relationship. Some common behaviour to look out for includes:
- Rapid relationship progression, especially if that’s out of the ordinary for the victim
- Constant affection, compliments, and presents
- Talking about big future commitments early on, like marriage, children, or moving in together
- Jealousy
- Dislike of boundaries
- Encouraging reliance on the abuser early on, such as taking over decisions
“Perpetrators could try to make you feel guilty for spending time without them and isolate you from family and friends,” added Ruth. “They could be distracting you at work or trying to make you feel that you are indebted to them because of the things they have bought you.
“They may try to enforce ways of doing things, putting an unequal balance into the relationship. They may say things like, ‘No one will treat you as well as I do’ — this is abuse disguised as affection.”
“We hear frequently from survivors of domestic abuse who experience ‘love-bombing’ behaviour from their abuser alongside other forms of domestic abuse, such as physical violence, sexual violence, and emotional abuse,” she continued.
“Often, ‘love bombing’ is a tactic used by perpetrators to try and ‘make up’ for this other abuse in an attempt to cause confusion and stop a victim from seeking help or leaving.”
Where to find help if you are being love bombed
If any of these examples sounds familiar or if the description of love-bombing rings a bell, help is available.
Charities such as Women’s Aid, Refuge, and Solace can all help women and children find support in abusive relationships, while Galop is dedicated to LGBT+ people, Men’s Advice Line to men, and Southall Black Sisters to Black and ethnic minority women.
If you are worried about someone’s behaviour, you can also seek support from these charities about how to aid someone in your life who might need help.
