A West Lothian mum has told of her heartbreak as she marked the first Christmas since her still her stillborn baby passed away.
Cloe Murphy was delighted to learn she was pregnant back in February as becoming a mum had been her dream.
The 17-year-old’s baby was due on September 28 and the pregnancy was passing without incident.
But after having contractions in October, Cloe was left devastated after medics discovered they couldn’t locate a heartbeat.
The West Lothian teenager learned her baby boy had died on October 9 and he was born a day later.
The baby, named Richard Murphy, was stillborn leaving Cloe and her family distraught.
Following the experience of losing her son, Cloe described how vital local support groups and charities such as Sands are when dealing with grief.
Cloe told Edinburgh Live “In February I found out I was pregnant really happy but nervous being a first-time mum and me being 16 at the time as time went on and I went to a midwife’s appointment I couldn’t have been happier finding out it was a boy.
“It’s everything I always wanted everything was going fine went to my last midwife’s appointment on Thursday I heard the heartbeat and everything was great.
“Then I woke up on Sunday 9 at roughly half-four because of contractions.
“I tried to sleep it off and I later phoned St John’s at around midnight and they decided to get me in for a check so they tried to get my baby’s heartbeat and couldn’t find anything.
“I was so heartbroken to the point I didn’t know what to do and wish I could go back in time and do something about it.”
Cloe has been dreading Christmas since Richard’s death. She said: “I feel like the grinch I now hate Christmas I loved it as a child but now I just don’t want to celebrate it anymore but we do it for my little sister.
“It won’t ever be the same it’s so hard being the first Christmas but it’ll never get easier.
“We just decided to go and choose a teddy of Richard’s to bring and we got pictures that were taken with my sister and the teddy so it still felt like Richard was there.
“His grave has been done up for Christmas with a tree and ornaments, we plan on doing this on Easter, Halloween, and so on for him but we still need help with the headstone and the costs.”
Cloe added: “We are going to make it a tradition each year to buy a teddy for him as a present for his Christmas and put it up at his grave because every stillborn baby deserves to have one.”
She said local support groups allowing her to talk to others who have been through the same experience have been important as she tries to come to terms with her loss.
Cloe, who has carried out charity work and shared her story to help others, said: “Being able to talk to people I don’t know helps a lot more than anyone thinks it will and being able to talk to other people who are experiencing the same pain on some kind of level make you feel not alone.”
Support for topics mentioned in this story can be found here. Cloe is fundraising to pay for the headstone for Richard which you can donate to here.
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