So England took five wickets in the day. One each to Stokes, Woakes and Overton, one to a run-out from the sub (Ollie Pope), and one to a part-time spinner (Lawrence). Still, they stuck at it, they showed togetherness as they waited for the results of the many reviews, and if West Indies don’t declare overnight, well, it’s only three overs to the third new ball.
Thanks for your company and correspondence. It’s been fun, in its own masochistic way. It’s been Test cricket. I’ll leave you with Ali Martin’s day three report …
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Nkrumah Bonner, who batted for seven hours, has enough energy left to give an interview. What does a second Test hundred mean to you, he is asked. “Means a lot, you know. I was looking back at my stats before this game and I realised I hadn’t scored major runs in the Caribbean, so I’m happy that I stepped forward.” He shows it with a lovely smile.
“Good pitch to bat on,” he adds. He can say that again.
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“You have to say,” John Starbuck writes, “if captaincy in the field is about selection, bowler rotation and field setting, Root hasn’t done himself any favours.”
Close: West Indies still there!
157th over: West Indies 373-9 (Permaul 26, Seales 0) Lawrence, fresh from his second Test wicket, bowls the last over. It’s another maiden, so he goes off with the unlikely figures of 2-2-0-1. And that is that for a peculiar third day’s play. The day belongs to West Indies, up to a point, but above all to the purists. In 90.1 overs, we have had just 171 runs and five wickets. It’s been slow, slow, slow-slow, slow. But West Indies lead by 62, which could be priceless.
156th over: West Indies 373-9 (Permaul 26, Seales 0) Off goes Overton and on comes... Stokes!! A decision that sticks out like a sore foot, but he draws the edge from Permaul and Root, at slip, can’t quite hold on as he dives to his right. Seales keeps a few out with a straight bat. Stokes has now bowled 28 overs, which is third-equal among the highest workloads of his Test career. In the other three of those four innings, he conceded between 81 and 133, whereas today it’s been just 42. Heroic in its way.
155th over: West Indies 372-9 (Permaul 25, Seales 0) And that is a wicket maiden from Lawrence, who finishes the over with five men round the bat of the left-handed Jayden Seales. A twist in the tale, with two overs to go.
Wicket!! Bonner c Foakes b Lawrence 123 (West Indies 372-9)
The breakthrough! And it goes to Dan Lawrence, with his part-time off-breaks that look more like whirling allsorts. After beating Bonner with an arm ball, he goes up for a strangle down the leg side, smartly taken by Ben Foakes. Umpire Brathwaite is not interested, but Lawrence is insistent, Root reviews and at last the DRS gives them some joy. Very well played Nkrumah Bonner, who departs to a hard-earned ovation.
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Stokes injured?!
154th over: West Indies 372-8 (Bonner 123, Permaul 25) Leach takes a rest, which may just be described as well earned. Back comes Craig Overton, with a short midwicket and the keeper standing up. Each batter takes a single. More significantly, Stokes is limping and seems to be telling Root that he’s hurt his foot.
153rd over: West Indies 370-8 (Bonner 122, Permaul 24) Stokes draws an edge from Bonner, but there’s nobody at second or third slip to catch it. West Indies lead by 59.
152nd over: West Indies 370-8 (Bonner 122, Permaul 24) Another maiden from Leach, whose figures are now 43-20-79-1. I don’t know whether to clap or cry.
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151st over: West Indies 370-8 (Bonner 122, Permaul 24) Another maiden from Stokes, who has now racked up 26 overs. He’s been a glutton for very little punishment.
“If this were the Australian women’s team batting,” says Tony White, “they would be on about 520. Just saying. Thanks for keeping us on the edge of our security blankets.” Ha.
150th over: West Indies 370-8 (Bonner 122, Permaul 24) Another over from Leach, another single to Bonner, one to Permaul too. And this innings reaches 150 overs.
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149th over: West Indies 368-8 (Bonner 121, Permaul 23) Another over from Stokes, another maiden. He’s been even more economical than Leach, bowling 25 overs for 41 runs. He’s been fully himself, unlike in the Ashes, but you wonder if this workload is wise when he’s supposed to be feeling his way back.
“Boring?” says Ewan Glenton. “If this was England against Oz I believe they’d have been praised(?).” Maybe, but we might also have pointed out that they were using up valuable time adding not many runs. Plus, West Indies are at home.
148th over: West Indies 368-8 (Bonner 121, Permaul 23) Just when it feels as if West Indies ave abandoned the idea of a declaration, Permaul gives Leach the charge and thwacks him for four. Union, what union?
147th over: West Indies 364-8 (Bonner 121, Permaul 19) Stokes pins Bonner on the pad and it’s given, but again the gods are toying with England – Bonner reviews and there was a big fat inside edge. Stokes throws his head back in frustration, dusts himself down and beats Bonner with his next ball, which is no mean feat on this pudding.
146th over: West Indies 364-8 (Bonner 121, Permaul 19) Leach to Permaul: a maiden, as set out in the rules of the Amalgamated Union of Slow Left-Armers. That is Leach’s 40th over. And some people say Joe Root doesn’t have enough faith in him.
145th over: West Indies 364-8 (Bonner 121, Permaul 19) Groundhog over: Woakes again drops short, Bonner again pulls for four. For England, this feels like flogging a dead pitch. For West Indies, it feels like a lead of 50.
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144th over: West Indies 360-8 (Bonner 117, Permaul 19) Something is up. Permaul is going for it now. He slog-sweeps Leach for two, fiddles two more, and then comes down the track! Though he doesn’t pierce the ring. Is Kraigg Brathwaite about to declare? If so, he could get about ten overs at England tonight.
143rd over: West Indies 356-8 (Bonner 117, Permaul 15) Woakes tries a bouncer which sits up like a dog wanting to be patted (no offence to Tanya’s Dusty). Bonner pulls it for four and goes to his highest Test score.
142nd over: West Indies 352-8 (Bonner 113, Permaul 15) Bonner takes a single off Leach, bringing up the 350, not the roundest number but another feather in West Indies’ cap. England go up for LBW against Permaul, failing to spot that he’s got bat on it – in fact, he’s nutmegged himself, and as it trickles away he scampers two.
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141st over: West Indies 349-8 (Bonner 112, Permaul 13) Root gives Overton a much-needed rest and brings back Woakes. Permaul, unperturbed, hooks for two, a better shot than the hook he played earlier.
140th over: West Indies 347-8 (Bonner 112, Permaul 11) Leach to Bonner, and this is another maiden, Leach’s 18th.
“Come come @TimdeLisle,” says Gary Naylor. “‘Deadly’ Derek Underwood never bowled 36 overs for one wicket in his life. Though the 66 runs is about right.” Ha. You’re technically correct – but he did bowl 44 overs for one wicket on one occasion. And 36 overs for no wicket on another.
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139th over: West Indies 347-8 (Bonner 112, Permaul 11) As Overton trundles on, Jonny Bairstow goes into silly point, so close to the bat that we can hear his sledging. He is asking Permaul: “Do you work out?” Don’t give up the day job. And that’s drinks, with West Indies leading by 36 and threatening to put an entire generation off Test cricket.
Time for a word from Brian Withington. “More going on in the crowd than on the pitch at moment,” he notes, “and certainly more energy from OBO stalwarts Gary ‘venting’ Naylor and Pete ‘ranting’ Salmon. As always, respect.”
138th over: West Indies 347-8 (Bonner 112, Permaul 11) Leach reckons he’s got Bonner LBW. Joel Wilson thinks it’s going down. Joe Root thinks it’s worth a review. Have we been here before? We have, and the outcome is the same – umpire’s call. So they’re both right, again.
West Indies lead by 36 and that’s also how many overs Leach has bowled, for just one wicket and just 66 runs, with 17 maidens. This is what spin bowling was like in about 1976.
137th over: West Indies 347-8 (Bonner 112, Permaul 11) Overton, bowling round the wicket, peppers Permaul, who doesn’t even sneeze. He just waits for the one that’s pitched up and eases it back past the bowler for four. Classy. Then, to remind us that he really is a No 10, he almost plays on with a dab outside off.
““I always enjoy your coverage and check in often,” says Martin from Bucks. Thanks, we enjoy it too (usually). “I had to go out earlier and when I checked the latest score I assumed there had been some rain delays going by the score!” A very reasonable deduction.
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136th over: West Indies 343-8 (Bonner 112, Permaul 7) An over from Woakes, a single to Bonner, another single to Permaul. Ah, Test cricket, full of fascinating variations.
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135th over: West Indies 341-8 (Bonner 111, Permaul 7) An over from Overton, a single to Bonner. This isn’t sport: it’s mass hypnosis.
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134th over: West Indies 340-8 (Bonner 110, Permaul 6) Woakes draws an edge from Permaul, but it’s a thick one and it goes for four. By the end of the over Permaul is getting attention from the physio, who rotates his hip. Pete Salmon might not approve.
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133rd over: West Indies 336-8 (Bonner 110, Permaul 2) A single to Bonner, and it’s hard to begrudge him this one as it nudges him into binary. Permaul was on one at the time, but now he’s left binary for the next thing (tertiary?).
Meanwhile Steve Harmison is defending Broad and Anderson, saying that if they get annoyed with a fielder failing to stop a ball, that’s because they have such high standards. Well, yes, but they haven’t applied that to their own batting for some time now. Still, it’s big of Harmison, given that he and Matthew Hoggard were dropped, quite ruthlessly, to give Broad and Anderson their chance as England’s new-ball pair – by Michael Vaughan, in New Zealand, in 2008. “I still think Stuart, especially Stuart, should have come on this tour.”
132nd over: West Indies 334-8 (Bonner 109, Permaul 1) Woakes continues and Permaul gets off the mark! With a hop, skip and a hook – not middled, but safe enough. Bonner adds a single of his own, which means we have an over costing two runs for the first time in what feels like years.
Correction! “Thank you,” writes Colum Farrelly, picking up on my acclaim from the 125th over. “Not the other OBO Colum. (Fordham.)“ Ah, sorry!
To show just how sporting our Colums are, there’s also an email from Colum Fordham. “‘Shane in Heaven – Quite an Assumption’ is indeed a lovely line,” he says, “but unfortunately, I was not the author who should be duly credited.”
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131st over: West Indies 332-8 (Bonner 108, Permaul 0) Stokes keeps Bonner quiet – not, perhaps, the hardest job in international sport.
Meanwhile Gary Naylor has steam coming out of his tweets. “When did bowling dry become a euphemism for failing to take wickets?” he splutters. “It just about makes sense as a strategy if you’re posting 450 at will, but no sense at all if 300 is a stretch. Bowl wicket-taking balls to wicket-taking fields!”
130th over: West Indies 332-8 (Bonner 108, Permaul 0) I take it back: Bonner has enough faith in Permaul to help himself to a single off the second ball of this over from Leach. England have three men round the bat and they go up for LBW again, but to no avail. Permaul wanders up the pitch for a chat with Bonner, smiling broadly. West Indies lead by 21.
129th over: West Indies 331-8 (Bonner 107, Permaul 0) Bonner top-edges a hook off Stokes over Foakes’s head for four. Something tells me he has less faith in Veerasammy Permaul than he showed in Kemar Roach... And sure enough Permaul bears him out by being given out LBW – but he reviews straight away and he’s spot on. There was an inside edge.
128th over: West Indies 326-8 (Bonner 102, Permaul 0) So West Indies lead by 15 with two wickets left. And maybe, just maybe, this game is about to come to life.
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Wicket! Roach run out 15 (West Indies 326-8)
Gone at last! Bonner was taking his usual single, Roach was on his heels, the fielder at backward point – Ollie Pope – was on his toes, Foakes was alert too, and the partnership is broken. Supersub!
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127th over: West Indies 326-7 (Bonner 102, Roach 15) Stokes delivers a lifter that refuses to lift. Roach does quite well to smother it as it thuds into his thigh. Wry smiles all round.
“Back in the ‘70s,” says Andrew Benton, “Foakes, Woakes and Stokes – fine blokes – could have worn Loakes, drunk Cokes, planted oaks, driven Mini Mokes and watched John Noakes cooking egg yolks. As for smokes...” And with that, it feel as if we can declare this correspondence complete.
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126th over: West Indies 326-7 (Bonner 102, Roach 15) Most batters are vulnerable after reaching a hundred and Leach reckons he’s nabbed Bonner, LBW, missing a flick to leg. Joel Wilson thinks it’s going down; Joe Root thinks it’s worth a review. Umpire’s call! So they’re both right – it did straighten, just not quite enough.
125th over: West Indies 326-7 (Bonner 102, Roach 15) Ben Stokes is back. He gets a whole over at Roach and beats him with the fifth ball, angling it in and moving it away. The broadcasters put up a graph showing that each spell from Stokes has been slower than the last, which seems fair enough.
“Shane Warne in heaven,” says Colum Fordham. “Quite an Assumption.”
Now that is what I call a great line.
A hundred to Bonner!
124th over: West Indies 326-7 (Bonner 102, Roach 15) A sweep off Leach, and Nkrumah Bonner has finally done it! He goes to 102 off 257 balls. That’s his ninth four, to go with one six, dozens of singles, and one hell of a lot of dots. He rolls his eyes to the skies, as do many of the people who’ve had to watch him, but he gets plenty of applause too. Through gritted teeth you have to say, well played that man.
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“Rant,” says the subject line of the next email. You have been warned. “Well,” says Pete Salmon, “I’ve held off for two and a half days, but now it is time to rant about Anderson and Broad. Not so much about their non-selection this time, but about the stupid, self-defeating and now team-defeating idea someone had a few years ago to rotate fast bowlers. Let’s leave aside the selectors’ astonishing track record of consistently rotating the wrong bowler out. But the very concept... Basically, had England picked the best team in each game for the last five years they would have won a lot more – and Anderson and Broad would probably have worn out a couple of years ago, like fast bowlers always have, and been saluted on their retirement. And those coming after would have gently risen from second change to first change to opening bowler, again, like has always been the case.
“Instead we’ve prolonged both their careers by not playing them in order now to not pick them, while our new opening bowlers simply aren’t. And have themselves been rotated to distraction. Here’s an idea, each game, pick the best team. That’s my red-ball reset.” Ha. But hang on – haven’t the opening bowlers in this Test, Woakes and Overton, been promoted in just the way you recommend?
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An opinion on the burning issue of the day. “I think the reason Tanya is being bombarded with male hair replacement ads,” says Steve Laville, “is down to Shane Warne.” Go on... “As an excellent example of a conscientious journo, she no doubt surfed the ol’ web to remind herself of his consistent brilliance. Alas, in addition to his cricket fame, Shane also fronted hair replacement treatments, and that is just the way search engine algorithms work. Is it poor taste to remark that his hair transplant survived its lifetime guarantee?”
It is, but if the OBO is available in heaven, I’m pretty sure you’ve just made him laugh.
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Tea: West Indies plod on
123rd over: West Indies 322-7 (Bonner 98, Roach 15) “I see that sweep of yours,” says Bonner, “and I raise you a paddle for four.” Being Bonner, he has to add a single. The lead is 11.
And that’s tea, with West Indies probably feeling they’ve edged the session, if only because they’ve sent so many people to sleep. They amassed 51 runs in the afternoon session, 40 of them to this pair, off 24 overs. Obduracy, thy name is Bonner and Roach.
122nd over: West Indies 317-7 (Bonner 93, Roach 15) Suddenly realising that he is in danger of spoiling us, Roach plays out a maiden from Leach.
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West Indies lead! By six
121st over: West Indies 317-7 (Bonner 93, Roach 15) Bonner takes his single, and Roach’s eyes light up: if he can just hit a four off Root, he’ll take West Indies into the lead. So he does! With a cover drive. Followed by a lap for four more! And a single. After making six off his first 65 balls, he now has nine off his last three. All that time, he was just teasing us.
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120th over: West Indies 307-7 (Bonner 92, Roach 6) Another over from Leach, another single for Bonner. This is so dull it’s almost entertaining.
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119th over: West Indies 306-7 (Bonner 91, Roach 6) Joe Root is getting fed up, so he brings himself on. Wearing an Alice band, he comes round the wicket and aims into the rough outside Roach’s leg stump, with two short legs hovering. The ball pops off the pad, and perhaps the bat, but it goes between them. Yes, the replay shows there was some glove in the mix.
Hey Jude rings out, as it will around Glastonbury on Saturday 25 June, at about a thousand times the volume.
“England,” says Ewan Glenton, “just had a whole squad of players that rhyme with Stokes, Woakes and Foakes: if the whole team was a joke in Australia, that means they all, individually, were Jokes, no?”
118th over: West Indies 305-7 (Bonner 90, Roach 6) Overton thinks he’s got Roach caught behind, but it came off the thigh pad. Just eight overs after reaching the 80s, Bonner inches into the 90s. I’m here till Saturday, by which time I fully expect him to be 111 not out.
117th over: West Indies 304-7 (Bonner 89, Roach 6) Leach, with a whole over to attack Leach, draws the edge – and it’s missed by Crawley at slip! It went fast to Crawley’s left: I suspect he was just surprised by the speed of it. You can’t even rely on this pitch to be sluggish.
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116th over: West Indies 300-7 (Bonner 89, Roach 2) Overton gets a friendly lecture from Steve Harmison about bowling to his field. It’s set for bowling straight, with men on the leg side, but he’s mostly aiming outside off. Still, if his plan was to stop Bonner taking that infernal single, it worked: that’s a maiden.
“A potent bowling attack,” says Mike Galvin, “would normally mop up the tail but there is a real possibility the W. Indies could secure a useful lead worth a couple of England wickets.”
115th over: West Indies 300-7 (Bonner 89, Roach 2) Leach was just changing ends. He now has two slips for Roach, both tall (Crawley and Overton, I think). They’re standing so close together that they could pick each other’s pockets. The ball needs to go between them, but it somehow declines to do so. Bonner’s inevitable single brings up the 300, the fifth time in six Tests that England have conceded that many.
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114th over: West Indies 299-7 (Bonner 88, Roach 2) Leach gets a rest and Craig Overton comes back. Joe Root is giving his bowlers shorter spells in this match. I wonder if that’s the sincerest form of flattery: Pat Cummins, the latest captain to run rings round Root in the Ashes, rang the changes like crazy. In this case, as with Stokes and Woakes, the change makes not a jot of difference to the scorebook. West Indies have now batted 13 more overs than England did, and scored 12 fewer runs.
“Of course,” says Chris, “now Covid restrictions are lifted and the team may bring their families on tour, there’ll be Stokes’ folks, Woakes’ folks and Foakes’ folks too!” Jokes.
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113th over: West Indies 298-7 (Bonner 87, Roach 2) Woakes continues and Bonner goes back to square one run. In a more interesting development, the England camp are saying that Mark Wood, who’s being treated for a sore elbow, is unlikely to bowl again in this innings. Yet again, his fitness is in inverse proportion to his sense of fun.
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112th over: West Indies 297-7 (Bonner 86, Roach 2) Holy shit! A boundary! Bonner sweeps Leach, nice and fine, before remembering his manners and picking up his customary single. Kemar Roach now has two off 36 balls, and the wonder is that he’s got that many.
111th over: West Indies 292-7 (Bonner 81, Roach 2) Woakes replaces Stokes, not that it makes any difference to the end product. We have reached the Nelsonth over, which is appropriate because West Indies are getting ’em in singles. They trail by 19 now.
110th over: West Indies 291-7 (Bonner 80, Roach 2) Another over from Leach, and I’ll leave you to work out how many runs it goes for. If it hadn’t been for the Pakistan-Australia fiasco the other day, you might even call this Test a bore.
109th over: West Indies 290-7 (Bonner 79, Roach 2) And just a single off Stokes’s over. At this rate, West Indies will the match just after Easter.
More on players who rhyme with Woakes, from Steve Nicholson. “Pat Pocock - Surrey and England off-spinner 60s and 70s [and 80s] – MUST have been known as Pokes (especially for his batting).” He probably should have been, but he’s Percy to his friends. “Also, wasn’t John Noakes of Blue Peter a reasonable cricketer (he’d definitely have had a go - and without a helmet)?” Not sure about his ability, but very true about the helmet. He would have shinned up the Great Southern Stand too.
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108th over: West Indies 289-7 (Bonner 78, Roach 2) Just a single off Leach’s over, which is actually above par for this partnership (seven off nine so far). And thanks Tanya. Inviting everyone to give me their views on the connection between male-pattern baldness and manscaping, then making out that I’m an expert on the vocative comma: you spoil me.
107th over: West Indies 288-7 (Bonner 77, Roach 2) Bonner steals a run to mid-off and Stokes continues England’s screw-turning half hour. With the deficit 23, they take DRINKS and I handover to Tim de Lisle who will guide this day to its close. He will also have an opinion on the vocative comma - like Graham Colombe.
“Dear Tanya (I say that quite often because it’s also my wife’s name),
“There’s a difference between ‘Do you enjoy bowling, Stokes?’ (addressed to Ben) and ‘Do you enjoy bowling Stokes? (addressed to an Australian bowler).That difference is the vocative comma - separating what’s said to a person from what the person’s called.Could I encourage you, Tanya, to join the ranks of us who are trying to save this comma from extinction?”
Of course! Thanks for this and all the other messages - have a good evening!
106th over: West Indies 284-7 (Bonner 76, Roach 2) Chris Woakes lets nobody down. Three slow, languorous, runs.
“Tanya, hi..!” Lee Johnson, hello!
“To add a little something, last year I was oft-confronted on Jermyn Street by large window vinyl images of Buttler and Vaughan modelling for a well-known shirt maker.
“I suggest that nearby shoe shop Loake take a leaf out of Charles Tyrwhitt’s book, and use England cricketers as brand ambassadors, thus being able to create the snappy advertising tagline of “Stokes, Foakes and Woakes in Loakes”.
The shoes will practically sell themselves...”
A shoo-in for suggestion of the day.
105th over: West Indies 284-7 (Bonner 75, Roach 0) Root tries Stokes. He throws himself at the crease, like a chariot racer at the line.
“Ive just learned that it is Viv Richard’s 70th birthday on Monday. Given that I am only two thirds of the way through my long-planned 1500 page modernist masterpiece - or deeply troubling slash fiction - on the Viviverse, I’m unlikely to finish in time (I’d been hoping to wrap up the walk to the wicket in his first test by page 900 but there is so much to say about THAT walk to the wicket). If Warne’s passing taught us anything, it was that we should be removing the belly-lint from our heroes with our tremulously honoured lips while they are still with us. I think I could boil a digest down to under 900 words - though it breaks my heart to lose the decent 150 pages on his stance. Who should I send it to at the Guardian? Viv is not a celeb. That Ton Greig ‘grovel’ summer showed what he was and is. A ****ing lesson in how to be a man.”
Ah Robert, let me direct you to the features editor, I’m sure she’ll be delighted to accept your symposium. But yes, Viv, seriously: one of the greatest. And one of the Five Cricketers of the Century, alongside Warne (and Bradman, Hobbs and Sobers if I remember correctly).
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104th over: West Indies 283-7 (Bonner 74, Roach 0) Woakes now to make something happen, as the flags round the ground bustle in the direction of the coast. He clops Roach on the fingers, and the physio comes out to repair the damage. The next ball squeezes between bat and stump, and the next is a spittle drop away from the outside edge. Bootiful stuff.
Now about that Woakes, Stokes and Foakes...
“I think you might have missed my suggestion earlier,” sorry Nat Godden, “but you’ve got to have Everton Weekes (Sir Everton DeCourcy Weekes, no less), one of the famous three W’s from that first great Windies team.
“Then there’s an Aussie test player (who played county cricket too), Phil Jaques: Wikipedia suggests that his surname is pronounced as Shakespeare had it, to rhyme with snakes. Anyone know for sure?
“And there seem to have been a couple of Hawkes, of lesser renown.We’ve almost got a team!”
“Tanya,” adds Richard Hurst:
“Do you think Sam Vokes could be persuaded to do a Chris Balderstone and take up cricket as well as football?”
103rd over: West Indies 282-7 (Bonner 73, Roach 0) A third successive maiden. Bore them into submission Joe! Roach is watchful as Overton mixes it up.
I’m not sure what constituency the ad people are going for, but so far today I’ve been bombarded with ads for male hair replacement on top, and manscaping below. Do the two go hand in hand? Email Tim in 15 minutes with the answer.
102nd over: West Indies 282-7 (Bonner 73, Roach 0) Bonner too plays out a maiden, this time from Leach. The deficit crawls down to 29. We get another glimpse at that Crawley drop - turns out he was unsighted by Bonner, so it was a more difficult chance than it initially seemed.
Wood news:
The England camp say Wood is having some treatment on his elbow but they hope he'll be back on 'soon'.
— George Dobell (@GeorgeDobell1) March 10, 2022
101st over: West Indies 282-7 (Bonner 73, Roach 0) Roach resists temptation and ignores Overton’s tasty short ones. A maiden.
100th over: West Indies 282-7 (Bonner 73, Roach 0) Ooops! Crawley lets one through his fingers at slip as Bonner goes to drive Leach but gets an inside edge that skeddadles through.
@tjaldred Am I the only one comforted by the current state of England test cricket. It's so much easier going back to assuming it'll be bad and everything else being a bonus. When they were winning and ranked at the top it was way more stressful. It's the hope that kills ya
— Brendan Large (@brendanlarge) March 10, 2022
Well, exactly! Have you read Emma John’s book “Following on”?
99th over: West Indies 281-7 (Bonner 73) Did I hint that Overton was a bit one track? Ignore me. Pope, by the way, is on the field for Wood - who is having some treatment on his elbow....
“Hi Tanya, Zweli from South Africa here - by way of Hackney, but that’s another story altogether!”
Hi!
“Excellent MBM coverage as is the standard. Regarding the Stokes/Woakes/Foakes question, may I submit a cheeky shout-out to Gloucestershire and England cult hero Jim Foat? His nickname alone - photo, reflecting him getting out for ducks so often that the scoreboard said ‘Foat-0’ - is worth a mention on its own.”
WICKET! Joseph c sub (Pope) b Overton 2 (West Indies 282-7)
Joseph hasn’t been watching the required discipline manual. He has a swing the sends the ball straight to Pope at backward square leg!
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98th over: West Indies 280-6 (Bonner 72, Joseph 1) Reward for Leach, deserved for his phlegmatic twirling. England surround him and he gets multiple friendly head pats from the giants in the team.
WICKET! Da Silva lbw Leach (West Indies 279-6)
He gets his man! Da Silva reviews, but his luck has run out this time. The ball straightens, Da Silva tries to nurdle leg-side and was trapped.
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97th over: West Indies 277-5 (Bonner 72, Da Silva 31) Da Silva steals a second from a fielding glitch by Overton. One sails over Da Silva’s head and is called wide. “Good energy” says Butch. Yeeeees but neither fish nor foul.
96th over: West Indies 275-5 (Bonner 72, Da Silva 29) Foakes gees-up from behind the sumps, Crawley chews gum at first slip. Just a couple of Leach’s over. Mark Butcher, on BT, is impressed. “Better line,” he says.
95th over: West Indies 272-5 (Bonner 69, Da Silva 29) We get a batsman’s eye view of Overton’s approach, a small man in the distance is suddenly a giant 22 yards away. A mixed bag of an over: a short one sails by, another scuttles through, another angled craftily into the body.
94th over: West Indies 272-5 (Bonner 69, Da Silva 29) It’s Leach, the wind rustling his trousers backwards and forwards. Rattles through, just a single from it.
“So,” asks Steve Hoare, “when Wood or Stokes pulls up with that inevitable injury, who is going to make the call?
“Er, Stuart? Yeah hi, it’s me Andrew. Er... was just wondering if you might like to fly out to the Windies after all?”
Awww - a heartwarming television clip where two friends of Alex Lees’ late father Simon are interviewed. As soon as they heard Alex had been picked for the tour, they booked to come out and cheer him on in lieu of his dad.
They’re all back for the afternoon session.
At last, an unequivocal answer on the crucial Stokes/Woakes/Foakes question. Over to you Steve Laville.
“Astonishingly, given that there are now three in the same team, until Chris Woakes in 2013, not one single England player had a surname rhyming with “blokes”, and then with Ben Stokes, there were two in the same year. The nearest I suppose were the Holliokes, if you are prepared to take your England Test cricketers in bulk.”
Lunch - West Indies 271-5 trail England by 40 runs
93rd over: West Indies 271-5 (Bonner 68, Da Silva 29) Root folds his arms and slip and looks mildly perturbed as Stokes skuttles through the final over. Da Silva pulls him for a couple, smartly fielded by Ollie Pope on the rope. And that, my friends, makes it time for a cup of tea. A grinding partnership of 65 between Bonner and Da Silva has put in the groundwork for a useful lead for West Indies.
England didn’t bowl badly, Stokes and Wood were excellent with old ball; Woakes much improved with the new.
92nd over: West Indies 267-5 (Bonner 67, Da Silva 26) Leach again, and West Indies tap him to and fro for six eggs-easy-over runs. One over till lunch.
Nat Godden replies (over 89) “You (Zia Faruqui) might need some tykes and some blokes!”
91st over: West Indies 259-5 (Bonner 65, Da Silva 22) Root plumps for Stokes - a lunchtime-make-things-happen bowler if ever one walked on the earth. He gets away with a full toss first ball. Da Silva then flicks him for two, the outfield is so sluggish that there is not a chance of it reaching the boundary.
90th over: West Indies 257-5 (Bonner 63, Da Silva 20) With ten minutes or so left till lunch, Root turns to Leach. It’s one of those slightly fuzzy overs, not quite anything at all. Bonner lowers himself into a frisky sweep shot for four, and a couple more through the covers to bring up the fifty partnership between these two. The deficit now is just 52.
89th over: West Indies 250-5 (Bonner 57, Da Silva 19) There’s a huge lbw appeal from England after Woakes draws Da Silva towards the ball by darting the ball in after a series moving it away. Umpire Brathwaite says no, and Root decides not to risk it. Wisely.
“Stokes, Foakes, Woakes! Are there eight other English cricketers ending in kes?” asks Zia Faruqui.
You’re asking in the right place...
88th over: West Indies 249-5 (Bonner 57, Da Silva 18) Wood opens his account with the new ball by drifting uncharacteristically wide and Bonner swings merrily, top edging the ball over the fine leg boundary for SIX!
“Hello again Tanya.” Hello Tim Sanders.
“Not first-class cricket, but this narrative of the triumph of the underdog won the Wisden writing competition four years ago.
“It tells of the Diocese of Southwark taking on its grander neighbours in the Church of England cricket cup - “the last shall be first” as the good book says. The South African curate mentioned in the article is now a vicar in Leeds, just a couple of miles from Headingley, but I don’t know how often he gets to play.”
“I remember that! By Robert Stanier - he’s the vicar of Surbiton and has written a couple of smashing pieces for the Nightwatchman. One on the nature or forgiveness (when Warner was touring).”
87th over: West Indies 241-5 (Bonner 50, Da Silva 16) There’s a white hanky hanging out of Woakes’s trousers but its not a flag of surrender. He’s bowling full, just like Joe Root asked him to. There or thereabouts. And that’s another maiden to build back his confidence, brick by brick.
Updated
86th over: West Indies 240-5 (Bonner 50, Da Silva 16) Bonner survives an LBW decision that threatens to send him on his way. He reviews immediately and, yes that is slipping sliding legside. West Indies retain their review. “OverTURNED” Whatsapps Ali Martin.
85th over: West Indies 240-5 (Bonner 50, Da Silva 16) A testing ball from Woakes, has Bonner pushing forwards awkwardly. This is much better than his opening spell yesterday.
Some light relief from this pure Test session.
Enjoy Alex Carey accidentally walking straight into Australia's hotel pool 😂
— 7Cricket (@7Cricket) March 10, 2022
(via @patcummins30) pic.twitter.com/UNLZ5BmocI
84th over: West Indies 240-5 (Bonner 50, Da Silva 16) The new ball is proving to be more expensive than the old - always a risk. First there’s a no-ball, then Da Silva, who has a look of Graeme Smith, picks off Overton when he strays full or short.
“Afternoon Tanya.” Lovely to hear from you Brian!
“Since John Starbuck opened the door, I can report that the ex Guide Dogs Maisy (retired early), Vespa (failed for insubordination) and Digger (invalided out) are all sleeping soundly until the biscuit tin is next approached. In case anyone is wondering, Guide Dogs named them.
“Digger was found to have three congenital heart defects before he could even start training, and we were warned he could go at any time. Nobody told him though, and he’ll be six before Jimmy bowls again this summer - he’s a game beggar (who takes the occasional draining of the odd two litres of milky chest fluid in his stride) and loves his visits to vet Emily who calls him ‘the wonder dog’.
We think so, too.”
83rd over: West Indies 233-5 (Bonner 50, Da Silva 10) A maiden from Woakes which I can’t tell you much about as there is an urgent issue about some torn trousers which I have to attend to. It’s sunny out there currently, but clouds are piling up to the left of the pavilion.
Fifty for Bonner!
82nd over: West Indies 233-5 (Bonner 50, Da Silva 10) Bonner brings up a gusty fifty with a stab down into the covers off Overton, who accelerates from plodding first ball to darting off the last.
New ball
81st over: West Indies 232-5 (Bonner 49, Da Silva 10) The cross wind blows, and Woakes’ first ball with the new ball is a a no ball. A vigorous delivery is angled through the slips by Da Silva, not entirely in control of his shot and we are treated to Woakes’ Holy week hand gestures of despair.
Updated
80th over: West Indies 227-5 (Bonner 49, Da Silva 6) The Barmy Army urge on Wood who is redirecting his fielders from the top of his run up. Bonner swings and pulls in the air wide of midwicket - a rope-clearing rarity. And what riches! The next ball is a short fat one, and is guided square for another boundary. They take DRINKs with perfect timing - the new ball due straight after refreshment.
“Not sure about English cricketers but I understand the world’s number one Test batsman has a strong Christian faith.” says Peter Salmon. “So that works.”
Marnus? I had no idea.
England have bowled much better this morning, drying up the runs, taking a wicket and in the target zone.
79th over: West Indies 217-5 (Bonner 41, Da Silva 5) Leach rattles through a maiden with the new ball due in one over.
78th over: West Indies 217-5 (Bonner 41, Da Silva 5) Sterling efforts by Mark Wood who is producing bouncers out of a feather bed. Da Silva ducks and weaves, in uncomfortable fashion.
“Surely,” writes Olivia (?), “Mark Wood is the epitome of ‘effortfull effort’? The guy tries so bloody hard he spends more time on the floor in a test match than anyone in the history of the game. I fully love that man and his attitude to the game.”
Yes, you’re quite right. I was trying to get across the smoothness of his run-up - his approach to the crease is an aesthetic delight - unlike the huff and puff of, say, Ollie Robinson in his third spell.
Updated
77th over: West Indies 213-5 (Bonner 41, Da Silva 1) Stokes continues to dig deep. Da Silva picks up two, opening the face and deflecting through third man. In the crowd a man with a waxed chest and an open shirt glistens in the sun.
And no, you haven’t missed anything, there have been just 14 runs in the first ten overs today.
76th over: West Indies 213-5 (Bonner 41, Da Silva 1) Wood grins his irresistible grin and charges up. He has the ball reversing and Bonner in two minds. A maiden. The question now is whether Root will take the new ball in four overs, or persist with Wood and Stokes weaving confusion with the old one.
Updated
75th over: West Indies 212-5 (Bonner 40, da Silva 1) Bonner skews a pull but just short of a diving Ollie Pope as shortish square leg (on for Dan Lawrence). Stokes has West Indies looking nervously at each delivery, a jab here, a scuttle there.
Updated
74th over: West Indies 209-5 (Bonner 38, da Silva 0 ) And with the second new ball available in six overs, Root plumps for Mark Wood - thus ruining the theory that he was going to be rested till then. Sweat glistens on Wood’s forehead as he glides in - pure effortless effort. West Indies pick up a couple and the England lead drops below a hundred.
Canine chat from Phil Keegan. “I found it interesting to hear of your dog’s willingness to abandon you for anyone with a biscuit or a ball, though compared to my dog, Rover, Dusty has standards. Rover will wander off with anyone who will take him for a walk without as much as a look back. Aren’t dogs supposed to be loyal?”
When they look at you with those adoring eyes, you’ll believe anything.
Updated
73rd over: West Indies 209-5 (Bonner 38, da Silva 0 )
Updated
72nd over: West Indies 206-5 (Bonner 37, da Silva 0 )
“I note Foakes is standing up to Woakes,” writes Neil Parkes. “Always thought that of a bit of an insult. I wonder if that’s a response to some of the sniffy reviews Foakes got yesterday. After all, you couldn’t see Buttler there, could you?”
Yes I noticed just this over that Foakes dropped back for a ball (or two) against da Silva before returning to the stumps. I’m guessing that it is more of a reflection of a slow pitch that a point-proving exercise?
Anyway, an excellent over from Woakes.
71st over: West Indies 206-5 (Bonner 36 ) Stokes probes off stump and Holder can’t resist the last ball of the over. Stokes is delighted, Holder slips off and England get to examine the West Indies tail.
WICKET! Holder c Foakes b Stokes 45 (West Indies 206-5)
The big one! Holder goes to play but decides against it at the last minute and, with a soupcon of reverse swing, Stokes catches the edge of Holder’s bat.
Updated
70th over: West Indies 205-4 (Bonner 35, Holder 45) A superb take by Foakes on the legside, pure anticipation and silky glove work. Woakes is on the money and West Indies just squeeze a couple.
A black mark for Rawalpindi:
The ICC have rated the Rawalpindi pitch for the first Test between Pakistan and Australia as "below average", and given it one demerit point. Some may feel it wasn't quite as good as that.
— Lawrence Booth (@the_topspin) March 10, 2022
69th over: West Indies 203-4 (Bonner 34, Holder 44) Yesterday’s breeze has returned, with if anything more vigour. The slimline Stokes has the ball as Holder plonks one through the slips but short of Root. There’s doesn’t look much bounce to be had however fiercely the bowlers bend their backs.
Updated
68th over: West Indies 202-4 (Bonner 34, Holder 43) Chris Woakes gets the nod and Bonner isn’t in a hurry, patting back a maiden.
67th over: West Indies 202-4 (Bonner 34, Holder 43) Left arm over and a run-less clip to midwicket. The Barmy Army roll out Jerusalem.
Have been enjoying Ian Bishop’s commentary with Mark Butcher so looked up his twitter feed. His profile is just the line: James 5:16 The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
Apart from David Shepherd, is there an England cricketer who is as open about their Christianity? I can’t think of any modern ones, though obviously Moeen Ali and Adil Rashid have spoken about the importance of their Muslim faith.
They’re out in the middle, with Leach to finish his one ball over from yesterday.
Mark Butcher is looking at the pitch - apparently there’s not a great deal for the seam bowlers so they’ll have to hit the deck hard - unless they can get it to reverse, but the outfield is damp which sin’t going to help. Basically its going to be hard for the bowlers unless the pitch starts to break up.
“If we are to be treated to updates on your dog’s behaviour,” sniffs John Starbuck, “perhaps we should know its name? My cat is called Beaumont (we also had a Fletcher with him until the road accident).”
Alas Fletcher, RIP. The dog is called Dusty and she’ll be anyones’ for a ball and a biscuit.
The weak March sun has emerged and the dog sniffs it out immediately.She leaps on the sofa and hogs the sunny patch. Meanwhile in Antigua (a stilted segue I admit ) there is rain around but they’re hoping to start on time.
Craig Overton is being interrogated by the excellent Mark Butcher, “I felt like I went ok, there wasn’t much swing really. We realised that after the lunch break and realised we had to hit the wicket a bit harder and rely on uneven bounce.”
“There is still a little bit of reverse swing, but the ball is really soft, it’s not carrying so it’s only really the stumps that are in the game.”
My friend said there was no interest in this series, but you can rely on OBO readers. Waiting in my inbox is an email from Derek Stocker in “cold, snowy Bulgaria.”
“As a Ukranian military band dressed in battle fatigues played - Always look on the Bright Side of Life and Don’t Worry, Be Happy, I could not help but think of England in Calypso Country.
“The English ‘supporters’ once again putting the players down. Just wish to point out that it was a marked improvement on the Ashes - just the one duck, and not even a golden one.”
Excellent attitude - gold star.
And a tweet too:
Isn't this why we love Test a cricket @tjaldred? I was despondent at 80-0 then thinking we were right back in it an hour later. Two quick wickets and we could run through the West Indies but with this England team nothing feels safe. Woakes of all, is under most pressure.
— Guy Hornsby (@GuyHornsby) March 10, 2022
Ali’s bird’s-eye report on yesterday’s action
And Mark Wood on why is was “weird” without Broad and Anderson.
Preamble
So Day three, what have you in store? After a Wednesday ultimately of disappointment for England’s new opening attack, interspersed with moments of West Indies carelessness with the bat that bordered on England-lite, both teams start the day fairly equally on the Test weighing scales: 100g of jelly v 100g of ice cream.
The new ball lies in sight, the old is soft and pearly-pink but resolutely not disintegrating enough for the umpires to hand over another one. Jack Leach will have a few more overs to get through first.
Wood and Stokes found swing, reverse and conventional, before the ball stopped being tickled; here’s to Woakes and Overton finding their rhythm and confidence with the next new pill. They’ll need to: Jason Holder and Nkrumah Bonner are proving hard to dislodge.
Play starts at 2pm GMT, 10am in Antigua. See you soon!
