We’ve All Got Mites Fucking Furiously On Our Faces Science Says They’re Good For Us

Hello to you and all 6,000 mites fucking on your face in a splendid microscopic orgy right now. I have good news for the lot of you! This weird relationship you’ve got going on isn’t actually parasitic. Scientists have found that mites are becoming symbiotic. Turns out those lousy fuckers (literally) are doing you some good. In case you don’t know, symbiotic relationships are partnerships between two different species in which both parties benefit. Think Venom and Tom Hardy

Euronews Dr Henk Braig Euronews

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. One gets super cool powers and the other gets to be inside Tom Hardy. The opposite of symbiotic is parasitic, which is when one party gets all the goods and the other does not. The mites that live on (most of) our faces were previously believed to be parasitic, sucking up nutrients and leaving us with skin inflammation. But hey, they’re actually our friends! Per , a recent study found the mites — scientifically known as Demodex Folliculorum — wriggle around on our faces and feast on the sebum that we release from our pores. They’re like a fraction of a millimetre in length so don’t freak out too much. They also fuck on your face while you sleep. Yeehaw! “Mites have been blamed for a lot of things,” co-lead author told . “The long association with humans might suggest that they also could have simple but important beneficial roles, for example, in keeping the pores in our face unplugged.” A scientific journal titled Molecular Biology and Evolution — which features research from the University of Reading, the University of Valencia, the University of Vienna and the National University of San Juan — has declared our mite mates as friendly little critters. Why? Because they have assholes. Yep, it was previously thought that the mites didn’t ever poop because they had no way to. This would make them fill up with poop, which would all come out and inflame the skin when they died. However, they do poop. They poop all the time. Right on that gorgeous mug of yours. And it doesn’t irritate the skin much, if at all. The mites have also been found to clean our skin when they go nomming, which is a plus. On top of this, there’s a huge inbreeding problem in the mite community. This has caused them to lose genes and cells as they reproduce and has drastically altered their behaviours. They’re really just tiny idiots that want to fuck and eat. They’re honestly just like us.