“In sickness and in health” is a part of wedding vows so old that in this day and age it almost seems stuffy. After all, who out there would be surprised by the idea that it’s important to help your partner or, even more importantly, spouse, when they are sick? But as it turns out, there are still folks out there who somehow didn’t get the memo.
A woman asked the internet for advice when she came home after surgery to find that her husband had allowed his son to have five friends over for a sleepover. He did not seem to see the issue and suggested that she just go stay at her mother’s place.
Recovery after surgery tends to be hard and many people need some help
Image credits: DC Studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
But one woman returned home after an operation to find that her husband had ok’d a sleepover
Image credits: jeannierv / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
She gave a few more details in a small update
Image credits: BoldBraveBroken
Expecting your partner to care about you seems like it should be a given
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
It shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that it’s very normal to expect your partner to help when you are injured, sick or down. Indeed, this has been a pretty important part of human relationships since the dawn of time, as we are pretty social creatures. Getting injured as a “lone wolf” would have simply been a death sentence for much of human history.
Setting aside the social advantages, it would also seem like a normal thing to do. After all, if you love your partner or even generally just like them, it seems like you would probably actually want to help out if they were suddenly sick or injured. Similarly, if your partner was getting pretty intensive surgery, the very least someone could do is prepare the home for their recovery.
Instead, this man seems to have either forgotten that his literal wife has surgery on this day, or, perhaps worse, he simply does not care. Indeed, he didn’t even consult her or mention it until it was much too late. It does look like they don’t communicate nearly enough and this just was the final straw.
Then, when she starts crying, he still somehow “doesn’t see” the issue, despite the fact that her reaction should have been enough. Similarly, him saying “if it bothers you so much, leave” is not behavior fit for a partner. He then doesn’t even offer to drive her. All in all, his behavior is ultimately so uncaring that it begs the question, why are they married?
The husband’s indifference speaks volumes
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Some commenters suggested that the sleepover should not actually be an issue. It’s curious to make such sweeping statements without actually knowing the extent of the surgery, how she feels and the logistics of the home itself. Similarly, in many ways the real issue isn’t just the sleepover, it’s how the husband reacted.
It would appear that at no point in the day did he think about how his wife will be feeling, he did not let her in on plans and then he refused to acknowledge that she is in desperate need of recovery. It’s a very human reaction to get defensive when someone tells you that you are wrong, but being an adult means moving past those emotions.
He does not, he simply says that he can’t even comprehend the issue and suggests that she leaves. The fact that this woman even needed to turn to the internet is evidence that he likely behaves like this all the time, to the point that she can’t even see the issue. The bottom line is that he should have consulted her, at the very least. Or perhaps immediately tried to fix the situation when it became clear that a sleepover was causing her distress.
Instead, he doubled down on being aloof and uncaring, which might spare his ego, but ultimately was enough to make her realize that he simply did not care. That might be acceptable in a roommate, but not in a marriage. As she discusses in the comments (some of which can be found below) this situation was enough to make her reevaluate her entire relationship.
Many people thought she was in the right
But some thought she overacted and the entire situation could have been handled better
