BBC One’s Race Across the World is back for its fifth series, in which five teams of two race across China, Nepal, and India in the hope of winning £20,000 prize money – and finding a new dynamic in their relationship.
We are transported to just north of Beijing, overlooking the village of Huanghuacheng, when we meet the contestants: two sisters, two brothers, a mum and her son, a teenage couple from Wales – and, wait for it, the show’s first separated couple; Yin and Gaz, both 54, whose 31-year marriage has ended.
“I couldn’t pick anyone better to do it with,” says Gaz. “Me either,” claims Yin, declaring at one point that they would “never” get back together – it’s hard to tell if he agrees.
Forty years ago, they clearly had a love story to rival Dr Zhivago. “It’s going to sound cheesy,” Yin says, “but I remember he turned around and it felt like a bit of a slow-motion movie and I just thought, ‘Wow.’”
With the revelation about their relationship status unfolding over the first episode, it begs the question: why the hell are they doing this trip? Are they in some kind of denial? When they approach Huairou at nightfall, close to the Great Wall, I wonder if they are going to share a bed.
Would I go on an epic 14,000km trek across Asia with an ex like this pair is doing? Absolutely, yes – any day of the week. I have no idea why it’s left everyone gasping in horror at the thought.
The only thing that puts me off is the budget of just £22 a day. I’ve not really been a budget traveller since I did my gap year in Thailand, Malaysia and Indonesia – and even then, I managed to occasionally trade huts for hotels when it all got a bit much.
Other than that, spending loads of time with an ex is a great opportunity to heal from past trauma, which for me sums up most of my former relationships. To say I was insecure was an understatement – and who wants to have to have somebody asking, “Are you going to leave me?” once a week when it hasn’t yet crossed their mind? I was stuck in a pattern of seeking external validation from my boyfriends to prove I was lovable. That must have been a huge strain on them.
I learned in therapy that I was pushing them away because I had a terror of intimacy. There is so much unfinished business that I often feel I’d need a few months to catch up in one long extended session. Now I’ve ironed out all the reasons my exes left me in the first place, why wouldn’t I want to spend time with them?
The other day, I bumped into an ex-boyfriend in London’s crowded Portobello Road, and we instantly hit it off despite not seeing him since I was 18. He is now married and has two adult children, is hugely wealthy and just as good-looking as the day I first met him. We swapped numbers – and are planning lunch.
Another ex who was incredibly avoidant in my early twenties has since become my best friend; I tell him everything. He is like an agony aunt – and I’d love to travel the globe with him and my kids.
I am even staying in touch with my former partner via a medium. Alex was the love of my life. After he died, I had our two children via IVF using his banked sperm. He “spoke” to me in great depth via Lana Del Rey’s psychic medium over Zoom from New York. It was quite mind-blowing. He didn’t stop talking.
Alex said he was there for me; a concept I found hard to fathom as he is no longer here. But just knowing he’s around, as I was told, to see all the little things, like Liberty, six, putting her tooth under the pillow for the tooth fairy, is somehow supportive. I’d do anything for him to walk back through that door – as well as all the other exes.
Only one of my past loves won't talk to me despite my writing him an apology letter after I’d tracked him down in LA. I had a drinking problem during the later stages of our union, yes, but I’ve now been in a 12-step recovery programme for 25 years.
When I tried to get out of his moving car at a roundabout, it was the final straw and he cut the cord. But I never stop hearing from other exes – I’d say at least one or two a year. I went out to dinner recently with another, who I’d dated when we were teenagers. He was in therapy and admitted he had no idea why he’d ended it with me. He still broke my heart at 16 – but now we have this unbreakable bond. I only broke one ex’s heart because I wasn’t ready to settle down.
The truth is, like Yin and Gaz, my past relationships are a part of my history. I've ironed out a lot of issues that made them exes in the first place, such as not knowing who I am, self-doubt, insecurity, dependency on alcohol, and being a love addict.
There is nothing like a little distance to see things more clearly: how much I want to spend time with my exes. Who knows. I might even marry one.
Starmer’s ‘liberation day’ from Trump lies in a new EU customs deal
Jingye Steel’s control of British Steel was never just ‘business’
Trump won’t admit it – but he blinked first in his China trade war
The British steel industry is on life support – but should taxpayers foot the bill?
Addiction, misinformation and bullying: Why readers want phones banned in classrooms
What we need from Andrew Bailey’s Bank of the bleedin’ obvious
