When Vercingetorix, king of the Gauls – roughly speaking, modern France – was defeated by Julius Caesar in 51BC, he knew he faced a miserable end.
After stripping himself of his armour in surrender before Caesar on the battlefield, he was dragged, almost literally, back to Rome. There he was, paraded in public as a trophy, humiliated and eventually ceremonially strangled.
It seems anyone who attempts to defy Donald Trump today can expect to fare little better.
In his grovelling public apology to the US president, Volodymyr Zelensky didn’t actually promise to strip himself of his trademark quasi combat garb that appeared to upset prissy Trump and his repulsive sidekick JD Vance so much, but little of his dignity was left.
Trump’s brutal decision to suspend US military aid to Ukraine out of pure spite after brave Zelensky had the temerity to stand up to being bullied by him and Vance in the Office left him little choice.
The alternative was to watch Vladimir Putin take advantage of his White House admirer’s vindictive move, turn the screw on depleted Ukrainian forces, kill thousands more innocent Ukrainians, reduce more Ukrainian towns to rubble and grab more swathes of Ukrainian land.
Zelensky is probably counting on Trump reversing the suspension in military aid. But dealmaker Trump wants more than that. A lot more.
In his address to Congress last night, the US president boasted that he "appreciated" Zelensky having sent his letter, which expressed willingness to come to the negotiating table and end the war as soon as possible.
He would love nothing more than to drag Zelensky back to Washington, to sign away his nation’s valuable minerals reserves – on live TV, of course.
You can imagine gloating Trump brandishing Zelensky’s signature on a copy of the deal like a trophy, just as he did with King Charles’s offer of a State Visit.
But Zelensky surely cannot think he will obtain the US security guarantee “backstop” he asked for and failed to get from Trump in return last week, which is the real reason the Oval Office meeting turned nasty.
Zelensky refused to sign up because he knew full well that the notion, advanced by devious Trump, that the minerals deal is the equivalent of a US ‘backstop’ is bogus.
A few hundred – or even thousand – American engineers working in mines or industrial plants is not going to deter Putin’s tanks. They would simply withdraw in a crisis.
And who is to say Putin and Trump would not do a deal whereby Russia did not target US assets in Ukraine in return for America letting it take territory that holds no commercial interest to Trump? Like the capital Kyiv that Putin craves to get his hands on, for example. Both men are ruthless and cynical enough to do precisely that.
The facts have not changed since Zelensky’s spectacular fall out with Trump. But one thing has changed: chastened Zelensky is now ready to swallow his pride and sign on the dotted line – on Trump’s terms – with Putin dancing a jig in the Kremlin. Presumably in the hope that it will at least buy him and Ukraine a little more time.
Zelensky is adopting the same obsequious approach as Sir Keir Starmer when he lavished the US president with Royal baubles and praise at their Oval Office “love-in”.
Starmer received a token reciprocal plaudit or two from Trump. But in view of Trump’s seeming determination to trash not just Zelensky, but also Nato and Europe, leaving them, nay us, potentially at the mercy of an unchained and avaricious Putin, how long can Starmer carry on pretending that the Anglo-US special relationship is alive and well?
And what will happen if and when he does stand up to Trump? Trump has already forced Britain and the rest of Europe to spend billions more on its own defence. Some senior British military figures believe America has already effectively abandoned its commitment to Nato’s central raison d’etre, whereby if any one nation member is attacked, the others automatically take up arms to defend it.
If Trump does that, will Starmer sit there with a rictus grin, as he did last week? How much punishment can he take?
In the face of all the fawning over Trump, it was refreshing to hear a full-throated attack on him by Canada’s prime minister Justin Trudeau.
He called Trump’s tariffs on Canadian exports to the US “dumb”. Trump duly responded by hurling fresh jibes at “Governor Trudeau” – a reference to his threat to add Canada to his attempted land-grab of Greenland.
Trudeau’s defiant stance may have enraged Trump, but Canadians love it, with a big rise in support for Trudeau’s Liberal Party, whose ratings were, until recently, rock bottom.
Opinion polls in Britain show the public believe supporting Zelensky and Ukraine is more important than retaining good links with the US. Many Reform voters are sickened by Nigel Farage acting as Trump’s mouthpiece.
Keir Starmer knows all about political parties and a slide in popularity. It may be risky – but now a solution is at hand.
