Vinnie Jones says he still feels ‘broken inside’ four years on from the death of his beloved wife Tanya.
The former footballer turned hardman actor was married to childhood sweetheart Tanya for 25 years.
But she tragically died in 2019 at the age of 53 after a six-year battle with cancer, which sadly spread to her brain.
In a new interview, 58-year-old Lock Stock star Vinnie revealed he recently visited Tanya’s grave on their wedding anniversary and felt like he was dealing with his loss ‘all over again’.
He has since thrown himself into work and sought help from a psychologist to deal with his grief, but says he will never get over his wife’s death.
Speaking to New Zealand news outlet Stuff, Vinnie shared: “Grief is a ghost... it’s a blanket. It wraps around you and it pulls you down. You don’t know when it’s going to happen, why it happens. It just happens.
“You’ve got to try and get your head above water, breathe in as long as you can, because you know you’re going to be pulled under again.”
The actor said he sometimes wants to ‘build a 50ft wall around to keep everybody out’ and admits he still can’t comprehend going to bed each night without his wife.
Describing it as ‘f***ing exhausting’, he added: “My spirit may be broken inside, but I think I’ve got enough knowledge and enough experience to cope with it.”
Vinnie revealed he had talked openly about his grief to help raise awareness of mental health issues, particularly amongst men.
Saying the trauma of losing Tanya was ‘tougher than any game I’ve played’, Vinnie encouraged more people to speak out about their own experiences.
“It can’t be a hidden secret in the closet... we’ve got to make it modern,” he said.
“A lot of blokes especially, I try and get through to, because they’re scared of saying ‘I’ve got mental health issues’. They think they’re going to be fired from work and put in a f***ing nut house.”
Back in 2013, Vinnie revealed that both he and wife Tanya were suffering from melanoma, the most serious type of skin cancer.
Tanya, who had undergone an emergency heart transplant at the age of 21, had already been treated for cervical cancer twice.
Vinnie found a lump under his eye and a check-up revealed he had malignant melanoma.
Tanya then developed the same illness and they fought it together - but tragically Tanya’s cancer returned.
Since her death, everywhere Vinnie goes he takes with him a white card emblazoned with the words “Always Believe Something Wonderful is Going to Happen”.
Inside is the final heartbreaking love letter from wife Tanya, written before she lost her cancer battle.
He revealed to the Mirror it says: “To my love Vin, something wonderful happens to me every day. It’s being with you. You are my morning sunshine the moment I wake. All my love, Tanya.”
Admitting he was left in pieces after reading it, he shared: “I broke down. Now, I take it everywhere I go so Tanya is always with me.”
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