Last week, vice president candidate JD Vance responded to questions about child care costs. On the heels of a surgeon general’s warning proclaiming that parental stress is a public health crisis in America while speaking at a conservative event, Vance was asked, “What can we do about lowering the cost of day care?” More than half of American families spend over 20 percent of their combined income on child care.
"One of the ways that you may be able to relieve a little bit of pressure on people who are paying so much for day care is, make it so that, maybe like grandma or grandpa wants to help out a little bit more, or maybe there's an aunt or uncle who wants to help out a little bit more," Vance said. “If that happens, you relieve some of the pressure on all the resources that we’re spending on day care.”
The response aligns with the messaging of a resurfaced clip of Vance where he seemingly endorsed the idea that “post-menopausal females” exist to help parents raise children.
Multiple reports and studies have shown that current child care costs are untenable for American families. To put it in perspective, the average cost of child care for two kids is more than the average rent in all 50 states across the country. Finding high-quality child care is a major challenge for most parents. It’s the driving force behind big life decisions, like reducing hours at work, changing jobs, or leaving the workforce entirely. Vance’s solution to this — to have families rely on each other for child care — as if American families haven’t thought about doing that already, is offensive to many in the trenches right now.
“This idea that we might be able to find some free solution we haven't thought of is rather insulting,” Erin Erenberg, founder of Chamber of Mothers, a nonprofit that advocates for better support for moms, with local chapters in 21 states told Salon. “The fact that it is financially not a priority for our lawmakers is a major problem and signals, especially to mothers, that our care work is not valuable.”
Indeed, the proposed solution touches on a toxic American narrative that continues to plague mothers — that caring for children is the domain of women and such labor should be done for free. When it comes to parenting between today’s generation of parents, there is a lot to be said about the generational differences between Millennial and Gen Z parents and Baby Boomers. Despite disagreements, one commonality is that the solution to the current childcare crisis isn’t asking grandma for help, for a myriad of reasons.
Erenberg said part of the problem with today’s child care crisis is that families live more isolating lives. The “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality has not only pushed more families to be nuclear in structure, but it’s also affected the way lawmakers approach child care.
“The system is absolutely broken,” Erenberg said. “When you look at the fact that we do not subsidize any kind of child care from ages zero to five, you can see why families are struggling.”
Daphne Delvaux, an employment attorney and founder of The Mamattorney, a platform educating women on their rights at work, told Salon that in her opinion, the biggest issue is that the U.S. does not invest financially in child care. Indeed, the United States relies on parents’ ability to pay and the private market to provide child care services more than other countries.
Mothers today frequently face “an impossible choice,” Delvaux said.
“Either pay their full salaries, or more, to child care providers — or leave the workforce,” she said. “Due to the pay gap, it remains women who usually leave paid work as the historically lower-earning partner.”
It’s not just child care that is driving women out of the workforce; it is also elder care duties — which adds to why grandparents aren’t the solution.
“There are a lot of aging parents who might otherwise be able to help, but they become a care concern of their children,” Erenberg said. “That's why you hear so much about the sandwich generation, where you have parents who are looking after their aging parents, and trying to find time and financial resources to take care of aging parents while taking care of their small children.”
Proposing grandparents to solve the child care crisis is “naïve, aloof and divorced from reality at best,” Delvaux said.
“And classist, ableist and exploitative at worst,” she added. “Not all grandparents are ready, able and willing to provide child care; many grandparents still work themselves, especially with the rising cost of living.”
Gloria Feldt, a grandmother of 16, said her own grandmother was her “primary caregiver” when she was in preschool. She also helped pick her up from school later in her youth. Feldt told Salon she loves being with all of her grandkids and prioritizes being there for them, but today is a “different day” from her own youth.
“I’m still working full-time and living in a city far distant from them,” she said. “Even my own mother who was lucky enough to have been present at the birth of all four of her great-grandchildren was still working literally on her deathbed at 74.”
Her mother, she said, wasn’t available to help with her children when they were young — until they were teenagers.
Tracy Lamourie, a publicist and grandmother to a two-year-old, told Salon she thinks most grandparents would love to watch their grandkids while their kids work, but that’s just not a realistic setup for many.
“Unlike the old days, most grandmas like myself aren't home baking cookies. We're fully functioning members of society — in my case running a global business serving clients across industries,” Lamourie said. “The slow days of most people having retired grandparents at home with nothing else to do are over for most people as the older generations are still working the same hamster wheels for survival that the young parents are just getting on.”
Erenberg said part of the solution is thinking of “care” as an “infrastructure.” Paid family leave would certainly help, she said, in addition to a “serious investment” in a child upon birth.
