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Louise Thomas
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A man has been defended after his niece accused him of ruining her big day because he refused to pay for her entire wedding.
In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” Reddit forum, he opened up about his close relationship with his older sister, who he referred to as Emily, and her 22-year-old daughter, who he called Lily. He noted that since his sister was a single parent for most of her life, he tried to help her and support Lily when he could.
“Over the years, I’ve paid for Lily’s summer camps, her college applications, and even her first car. I did this because I love them both and always wanted to support them,” he wrote.
The man noted that when Lily got engaged last year, he expressed during a family dinner that he’d be happy to help pay for some of the wedding expenses. However, his niece and sister had a different expectation about what his comment meant.
“I never said I’d pay for everything, but apparently, my offer was interpreted as me footing the bill for the whole wedding,” he explained, before noting that Lily and Emily started to plan an expensive extravaganza, which included more than 200 guests.
He decided to sit his niece and sister down and clarify to them that he could only offer $15,000, which he called “a pretty generous amount.” However, Lily and Emily still “seemed really upset” about the money.
“Lily said I ‘promised’ to pay for the wedding, and Emily backed her up, saying I ‘always supported them’ and this was the least I could do,” he added. “Apparently, they were expecting I’d cover a $50,000+ wedding. I told them that wasn’t happening.”
AITA for refusing to pay for my niece’s wedding after promising to cover it?
byu/Ok_Panic_1861 inAmItheAsshole
He shared that things ultimately took a turn when Emily and Lily wouldn’t include him in the wedding planning. He explained that he later learned that his niece and sister had already started booking things for the event, with the expectation that he’d offer more money.
“It turns out they booked everything for the wedding thinking I’d eventually cave and cover it. Now they’re in over their heads, and the wedding is just three months away,” he added. He also noted that his family not only accused him of messing up the wedding, but they also made claims about how much money he initially offered.
“Emily called me, crying, saying they were going to lose deposits and that I ‘ruined’ the wedding by not coming through. Lily isn’t speaking to me,” he continued. “Emily and Lily are now saying I’m being manipulative, offering to help and then taking it away at the last second, making them look bad in front of the groom’s family. They claim they never would’ve planned something so extravagant if I hadn’t promised to cover it all.”
He emphasized that he never said he’d pay for the entire wedding and that he’d only plan to help cover some of it. However, his niece and Lily were still treating him like “the villain” because he wasn’t paying for everything.
The Reddit post has quickly gone viral, with more than 19,000 upvotes. In the comments, multiple people went on to defend the bride’s uncle, saying that his family shouldn’t have assumed that he’d give more than $15,000 for the wedding. They also praised him for contributing that much to the event in the first place and criticized Lily and Emily for their behavior towards him.
“How incredibly entitled. I think it’s absolutely awful how they’re trying to take advantage of your generosity. If an uncle offered to give me $15k for anything, I’d be so grateful!! They dug this hole themselves, and now they’re finding out your boundaries are, in fact, ACTUAL boundaries that you plan to stick to,” one wrote. “Good for you!! They could have planned a perfectly good wedding for $15k or threw in a bit of their own money for a $20,000 wedding.”
“I wish I had someone generous to give me $15,000. I can’t imagine booking a wedding. I couldn’t afford to cover myself, let alone scoffing at someone pitching in $15,000,” another wrote. “You sat her down and clarified everything with lots of notice.”
“They made a very poor assumption and then doubled down when you were explicitly clear about just how much you would cover,” a third commented. “Every single poor decision here is theirs and any manipulation is theirs alone. They’re the real villains here but probably not much you can do to stop their bad-mouthing.”
