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Emily Clark in Lviv with photography by Brendan Esposito

Ukraine's women and children are fleeing the country, leaving their men with a lonely choice on how to fight Russia's war

Vitalyi and Lyudmila Chernyshov say goodbye, as she sets off with their children to safety in Poland. (ABC News: Brendan Esposito)

Russia's war is raging in the east and — as millions of Ukrainians move west — those families who manage to evacuate together eventually reach a point where they have to split.

At a bus station on the outskirts of Lviv, families arrive together but then quickly reach the moment when this war tears them apart. 

Men carry the luggage into the station and wait in the sub-zero chill to load the bags under a coach and then linger as everyone around them does the same. 

Tickets are hard to come by and no-one wants to lose their seat. So, as soon as the door opens, the women and children who are escaping start to board.

It's a bit of a dance really. The families want to steal every last moment together, but the men ultimately have to usher their loved ones on, ensuring they're tucked away behind the tinted glass. Some run back on for a kiss, a final touch from their soon-distant lovers.

Andrii says goodbye to his wife, Nadia, their baby, Maria, and three-year-old daughter, Yana, as they sit on board a bus bound for Poland. (ABC News: Brendan Esposito)

It's what's best for them, but hardest for everyone. 

Oleksandr and his brother Dmytro are loading their parents, wives and children onto a bus to Poland. This family has already been through hell.

They all come from Kharkiv, a city under siege after weeks of bombardment by Russian air strikes. 

"The whole district is razed to the ground. Whole apartment complexes [are destroyed]. It's impossible to explain," Dmytro said.

"Everything we built, did, acquired, put our soul in — we left all this there."

Oleksandr can barely speak: "We left everything and just went. Everything."

Men like Oleksandr are loading their parents, wives and children onto buses and trains to escape Ukraine's war. (ABC News: Brendan Esposito)

He said there were "no words to explain" this juncture in his life. 

"There is no way we can share our feelings when we are staying here and our families — wives, kids and parents — are heading to the unknown," his brother Dmytro said.

The men want to help the army in some way — put their skills to use to drive humanitarian aid back towards the front or to repair houses. They "will not sit around doing nothing".

Under martial law, men aged 18 to 60 are not allowed to leave Ukraine. They're expected to fight. But there are some exemptions, such as medical grounds and fathering three or more children.

In those instances, a family can cross to safety together. 

Oleksandr kisses his daughter goodbye before loading his family onto a bus to Poland.  (ABC News: Brendan Esposito)

For those who do stay in Ukraine, they are required to register at a conscription office and then they will eventually be summoned to fight with the territorial defence forces. 

Men like Oleksandr and Dmytro are the linchpins of this war. The world is on their side, but not by their side. 

They are here, losing everything, while being asked to help stop aggression that threatens more than just their own country.

As governments announce sanctions and the global corporate community pulls out of Russia, Vladimir Putin's military pushes west, bombing hospitals, killing civilians and targeting new cities. 

Kyiv is encircled and Ukraine's neighbours are nervous. 

And so it comes down to men like these. With their families on buses and tears in their eyes, they turn to face the only options they have left.

The decision to pick up a weapon

Vitalyi Chernyshov hugs his daughter goodbye before his wife, Lyudmila, and their children board a bus out of Ukraine and into Poland. (ABC News: Brendan Esposito)

Not every man in Ukraine is ready to fight.

Just weeks ago, the men at the bus station were engineers, cab drivers, sales representatives and construction workers. Some still have jobs to go to. Most need to send money to their families who are leaving with just a few bags of possessions. 

Everyone will say they want to help to defend and preserve Ukraine, but not all here are ready to pick up a weapon or to pull the trigger. 

Vitalyi Chernyshov is saying goodbye to his wife, Lyudmila, and their two daughters who are on their way to Poland.

Their embraces are long as their world seems to stop. 

Mr Chernyshov said he would not yet join the defence forces, but had found a way to contribute. He's a taxi driver and says he plans to give people lifts to Lviv or "out of the fields of fire".

Lyudmila Chernyshov waves goodbye as the bus pulls out, bound for Poland. (ABC News: Brendan Esposito)

There is a common refrain among Ukrainians that they did not believe their country would be invaded until the moment it was.

Now, after nearly three weeks of war, Russia has driven more than 2.2 million people out of the country and the Ukrainian forces have grown.

The total death toll is impossible to know, but the Ukrainian government has said at least 1,300 soldiers have lost their lives. 

And there have been messages from the front to send bulletproof vests to help protect the civilians who sign up to fight but often miss out on the supplies that give them the best chance of surviving. 

As these Ukrainians step forward to fight for their homeland, they are taking on an enemy whose victory has the potential to redefine eastern Europe and its relationship with the world, but they also have children to raise and parents to care for.

'What will I do here alone?'

Vitaly Shulygyn waves goodbye to wife and eight-month-old daughter. (ABC News: Brendan Esposito)

The government, and perhaps the world, expect these men to bear arms, but Vitaly Shulygyn's wife and mother have begged him not to. 

"She will be angry with me. She told [me] I should not go and I answered, 'You will leave. What will I do here alone?' 

"I need to do something, but she doesn't want me there." 

The couple have an eight-month-old daughter and had hoped to have another child in the next few years. Now though, Mr Shulygyn is looking at his wife and child through a bus window, saying his goodbyes over the phone. 

"The baby is very small — still breastfeeding, so it is very complicated and [it is] a long trip as well. But, first of all, we must think about safety," Mr Shulygyn said.

"I will miss both of them. 

"My mum is here. We visited her and she cried a lot. Her granddaughter is leaving, a small baby — it is very hard." 

He doesn't know when his family will see each other again, but his job now is to go and pack up their home and then, he says, he will join the line at the conscription office.

Mr Shulygyn works as a sales manager but trained as a teacher and a linguist. He says he doesn't know how to fire a weapon, but: "I am a man, I must protect my country."

And, as the bus pulls away, that weight bears down on him. 

Vitaly Shulygyn does not know when he will next see his family, but he is relieved they are safe. (ABC News: Brendan Esposito)

In this heartbreaking moment, he waves as long as he can, before forcing himself to look away. 

"I will not sleep as usual because I am without my wife and a child, but it is also easier for me now, because I know that they are safe," Mr Shulygyn said. 

With the last bus for the day departed, several men here are now standing on their own. Stunned and some in a stupor at the idea of tomorrow happening without their people.

Mr Shulygyn catches his breath. It's been a push to get his family on the bus and on their way out of Ukraine and now he's left to contemplate how quickly his world changed. 

"We were good, everything was fine, a young family. And then the war." 

Ukrainian journalist details 'scary' moment as Russia begins attack near the Polish border
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