HARTFORD, Conn. -- It was just after dawn on Jan. 4, 1999, when Marlene Harris packed up her three children and drove to an East Hartford Stop & Shop, where she picked up a pay phone and dialed 211. Her husband didn’t allow her to use their phone at home.
On the other end of the line was Maria Mojica, then a crisis line operator with the Hartford-based non-profit Interval House for victims of domestic violence. More than 20 years later, Harris can still remember Mojica’s voice as she connected the young mother with their safe house services, where she and her children lived for six weeks as they slowly started to rebuild their lives.
Now, both women work side by side at Interval House, helping victims of domestic violence develop safety plans to escape their own abusers and start over, just like Harris did.
To kick off Domestic Violence Awareness Month, the two now-colleagues attended an event at Capital Community College, where leaders, lawmakers, advocates and volunteers pledged to continue Connecticut’s fight against domestic violence as rates skyrocket statewide and nationwide in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic.
Harris, with purple eyeshadow shimmering above her deep brown eyes to pair with her purple scarf and hat — the color of Domestic Violence Awareness Month — pointed toward Mojica, whose dark curls coiled across her back as she talked with a team of women who spend day after day hearing stories like Harris’.
“She’s the one that took my call and saved my life,” said Harris, now 60, as she described the morning she made a run for it.
In 1999, Harris had two teenage daughters and a 9-year-old son in her East Hartford home she shared with her husband of four years, who she said was “emotionally, financially and psychologically abusive. And so much more.”
Statistically, the moment Harris picked up that payphone was the moment she was most in danger.
Experts working with survivors of domestic violence say that a person is never at a higher risk of being seriously hurt or killed by their abuser than when they are trying to leave them.
According to Interval House, “an abuser may become more threatening and difficult if they suspect you will leave, and the threat continues during the months after leaving them.”
Violence at the hands of an intimate partner accounts for 15% of all violent crime in the United States, according to The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and 72 % of all murder-suicides involve an intimate partner. In Connecticut, one-third of all criminal court cases involve family violence, NCADV said.
But Harris survived. After spending six weeks in Interval House’s transitional housing, she secured more permanent housing for her family and earned her bachelor’s degree from Goodwin College. She began working with domestic violence victims in the judicial system before returning to Interval House, this time as an advocate.
For many years now, she has worked as a crisis counselor at Interval House, fielding many frantic, fearful calls like her own.
“I think it’s what I’m meant to do, it’s something I’m passionate about and it’s where my life led me,” Harris said recently.
“On the crisis line, you never know who is on the other end,” she said. It could be a child, a survivor, a victim connected through the Lethality Assessment Program screening. But no matter their age, their gender or their situation, Harris tries to draw on her own life experience to connect with them, to empathize and to show them they aren’t alone.
She knows what it’s like to be abused. She knows what it’s like to survive it. She knows how it feels to run, to escape, to start over.
She has seen her children struggle with the impact of watching domestic violence unfold in their home, turn to substance use and struggle with mental health issues. She remembers what it was like to feel overwhelmed and lost.
“I remember making that call, being put into a certain room for victims, I know what it feels like,” Harris said. “Having lived it and having seen each piece of it means a lot, because I’ve experienced it all from my advocacy to my own support at Interval House.”
Instead of letting her hardships and traumas haunt her, she uses them as a full toolkit to help other people feel seen, heard and supported.
Mojica started her advocacy at Interval House in 1996 as a volunteer with the children’s program. Since then, she estimates that she has taken more than 20,000 phone calls like Harris’.
In Connecticut, 37.7% of women and 33.9% of men will experience intimate partner domestic violence sexual violence or stalking in their lifetimes. According to the NCADV, on any given day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide.
After all those phone calls, Mojica said what stands out to her most is how many victims feel like they are alone.
“It’s the isolation from the family [that stands out]. Not having anyone there or having family and friends turn their back because they can’t see how hard it is for a victim to leave. A lot of victims feel isolated and lonely,” she said.
At Interval House, they help by empowering women, educating survivors and emphasizing that they aren’t alone. They help survivors develop safety plans when and if they decide to leave and offer support to children to help them understand what behaviors are right or wrong, abusive or healthy.
Mojica has been the director of the organization’s safe house for about four years and said that often, survivors flee with only the clothes on their backs.
“They come into our safe house with nothing: sometimes with just one bag, sometimes without anything,” she said.
With 20 beds divided between single rooms and family rooms, they provide them with food, clothes, toiletries, referrals to community connections, counseling and case management services.
When she sees survivors like Harris thrive after escaping their abusers, Mojica said, “it feels good to know that they left that situation and they bettered themselves. That they have control over themselves instead of being controlled.”
According to Interval House, domestic violence, or intimate partner violence, is defined as a pattern of coercive, controlling, dominant behavior that one person uses to maintain dominance and power over another. In addition to physical abuse, domestic violence may include emotional or psychological, verbal, sexual, technological or financial control and coercion.
To help someone who is experiencing domestic violence, Interval House recommends helping them understand their situation and the support that they have. Friends and family can show victims the organization’s list of characteristics of an abusive relationship and questions to ask themselves to assess their situation themselves.
Interval House has a list of recommended conversation starters that are supportive, like “I am afraid for your safety,” “I am here for you when you are ready to talk,” and “I will help you if you decide you want to leave.”
Friends and family can also help them create a plan for how to safely leave if things become more dangerous, which can include a code word that they can use if the police need to be called to their home.
After sitting with Harris recently and being reminded that she was the one to help her take that first step, Mojica said Harris’ story is inspiring.
“It made me feel like I was able to help someone in that moment. It feels good to now be able to work with her helping other victims,” she said.
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Interval House provides free, strictly confidential services to victims in 24 communities in the greater Hartford area. Their 24-hour hotline can be reached by dialing 860-527-0550. If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, services are also available via email, text, call or live chat at 888-774-2900 or CTsafeconnect.org .
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