A mum-of-two lost every shred of privacy and became "a scared little girl" when her husband began to control her life.
Kath Bevan met Christopher Bevan at work in 2004 and two years later the couple began what would be an 8-year-long relationship. Kath, who had two children with Bevan, said their relationship was "happy" at first, and they would travel to far flung places like Mexico and go on snowboarding holidays.
Soon they had moved in to their "forever home," yet, within two years Kath noticed Bevan's behaviour changing. She said that soon she felt more like a "house maid and nanny" than the beloved mum of his children.
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As her husband's behaviour worsened, Kath found trackers on her phone and a camera in the bedroom keeping tabs on her every move. Too scared to make a false move in case it triggered accusations of affairs and with even her Fitbit monitored by Bevan to count her steps in the supermarket, Kath found she was becoming a shell of her normal self, reports Wales Online.
She realised she didn't have a shred of privacy left as her husband read every text and monitored every call she made.
Kath wants to share her story in the hope she can help others going through the same thing.
On Thursday, December 15 Kath watched the man she met in work in 2004 be sentenced to 12 months in prison - suspended for two years - for coercive and controlling behaviour. Bevan had previously pleaded guilty at an earlier court appearance and accepted his behaviour had been unacceptable and unlawful.
The couple started dating in 2006 and the following year Kath moved to Swansea to live with Bevan, a service engineer, full time. After a grand proposal on Kath's 30th birthday during a holiday in Mexico, they married in 2012 in Swansea and welcomed their daughter in August two years later. Their son followed in 2017 and they moved to what Kath described as her "forever home".
It was at that point that the first cracks started appearing as Bevan showed signs of depression which worsened into 2018. Kath had just returned to work following maternity leave, She said: "I was busy with work and keeping our family together. This was beginning to be a struggle as I had no support or help from Christopher. I felt like I was a house maid and nanny not a wife and mother."
First came the accusations that Kath was having an affair followed by a CCTV camera mounted in the kitchen to keep watch over Kath as she worked from home one day a week. The scrutiny from her husband grew: "Whilst in work I then started to receive 'Find my iPhone' notifications which at the time I didn’t take much notice of," Kath explained. "Then the harassment started with the numerous phone calls every day." If she didn't answer, he followed up with a "bombardment of texts" until she responded. During one evening out for food and drinks with her girlfriends, Christopher harassed Kath with 50 calls in a 60 minute period.
Kath found herself cross-examined over alleged affairs up to four times every day. She said: "Then CCTV cameras started appearing in every room of our house including our bedroom and the children's room. The camera in our bedroom was focused on me sleeping in bed because he believed I was contacting someone whilst he was sleeping. During the day time he was watching me changing, dressing and doing general household chores in our bedroom. I was stripped of all privacy not only in our bedroom but all around our house. He even went to the extent of trashing our bedroom looking for 'evidence' of an affair and locking the downstairs windows as he believed I had men coming in through them."
Bevan accessed her WhatsApp messages on his own computer and installed a child's app on her mobile to monitor her texts, internet searches and social media activity. If she spent "too long" on social media, Bevan would lock Kath out of her own phone and force her to ask his permission to regain access.
Kath said: "It was at this point I realised that I was unable to communicate to friends or family without him being aware." Her husband went so far as to monitor her Fitbit to see how many steps she was doing in the supermarket in the twisted belief she was meeting someone inside the store. Due to the Covid rules in place at the time, the whole family would all go to the shops and Christopher would stay in the car with the children. Any exchange of pleasantries while they were out in public would see Kath subjected to more accusations of having an affair.
Kath said: "I then started walking around with my head down so I didn’t make eye contact with anyone." A visit from a friend on her 40th birthday proved a turning point.
Kath said: "My friend had come over to see me with a present, she was very concerned by my appearance in that I looked like - in her words - 'a scared little girl who had to sit quietly and not speak'. By this point, my family and friends were worried about what was happening as they could see a complete change in me – I went from being a happy sociable person to being quiet and withdrawn. I was not the person everyone knew."
Unbeknown to Kath, her worried family had been talking to Women's Refuge. The organisation had told them how to ask Kath if she was okay and what her situation was. Her older brother managed to get five minutes alone with Kath at her children's birthday party and he duly questioned her. The following weekend, on a trip to see her parents in MacArthur Glen with special permission from Bevan, Kath managed to have a longer chat with her brother over the phone who told her her living situation "was not normal".
She said: "I was allowed to meet with my parents in McArthur Glen, Bridgend for a coffee but on the basis that I took the children with me, this was the first time I had away from Christopher to be able to talk openly about what was happening. I had a good chat with my brother on the phone and he explained about being in touch with Women’s Refuge and how my living situation was not normal. We spoke for a good 45 minutes in which he gave me plenty to think about and made me aware that Women’s Refuge were on hand for help should I need them."
When Kath and her six-year-old daughter got home at lunch time, Bevan wasted no time in "quizzing" their daughter whether “mummy had left her with nana and bampy” and if she was on another phone with someone. Learning about Kath's call with her brother, he got angry and demanded proof of the phone call. Kath said: "This is when the penny dropped and I rang my parents to come and get us straightaway."
Kath has lived in Cardiff since leaving the family home in Carmarthen on the August bank holiday in 2020. She did return to Swansea for a few weekends in the hope she could save their marriage in some way and to "see if Christopher had changed". Kath added: "It was obvious nothing had changed and I knew then that our marriage was over."
Since then, she's reported her ex-husband for stalking, has been dragged through the family courts and now crown court. It's been a long road to find some semblance of normality but Kath is proud of the life she has now. But even leaving Bevan didn't immediately solve all the problems as he managed to gain access to all her new phone and email accounts.
Kath said: "I attempted to set up four different numbers and accounts to which he managed to gain access to all it was at this point I had no option but to call the police." South Wales Police put Kath in touch with Action Fraud who helped her secure all her accounts. Upon hearing Kath's experiences with her husband, officers from Dyfed-Powys Police launched an investigation into coercive and controlling behaviour.
In the meantime, Kath spotted Bevan lurking at the end of the road on a day off work shopping with her mother and six months later discovered a tracker device fitted to her car. Slowly but surely, Kath has come to understand that what happened to her was not her fault. Bevan was also handed a 10-year restraining order by Judge Catherine Richards on Thursday and ordered to do a rehabilitation course, a building better relationships course, and 150 hours of unpaid work.
With a wealth of support and advice from Womens' Aid and "tremendous" support from friends who were left shocked once they had found out what Kath had been going through, she was able to start to rebuild her life. "Without my family and friends, I’m not sure where I would be today," she added.
"For the last two years since leaving - on August Bank Holiday 2020 - it has been very hard to come to terms with everything and I was left feeling scared and paranoid that he was tracking and monitoring my whereabouts. I was constantly looking over my shoulder in case he appeared and was too afraid to go anywhere on my own, even the school run. Over time this gradually became less and I was starting to get a little bit of me back.
"Once Christopher was charged with coercive and controlling behaviour during the summer of 2022, that is when I could draw a line and start my new life. I have become a stronger person and more importantly, a much happier person than I ever was. I am enjoying my new life and looking forward to what the future brings."
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