Trumpworld is failing this constitutional quiz. Can you pass it?

‘Steve Bannon gets to say what it means.’ Photograph: Rex/Shutterstock

1. According to Article I, “Congress shall have power to … provide … for the general welfare of the United States.” This reveals that:

   1. The framers understood that Congress should be responsible for maintaining the socio-economic health and stability of the nation, with the president playing a subordinate role.

   2. The framers had no idea what they were doing.

   3. The framers *secretly* hoped the executive branch would seize Congress’s power and hand it over to a small coterie of adolescent gamers and an unelected billionaire obsessed with spreading his DNA to a lifeless orange planet.

2. According to the 14th Amendment, “All persons born or naturalized in the United States … are citizens of the United States.” This means:

   1. All persons born or naturalized in the United States are citizens of the United States.

   2. Persons born into high net-worth families are citizens of the US—regardless of where they are born.

   3. Persons born in the US into low-income families from shit-hole nations are domestic terrorists.

3. According to Article II, the president “shall take care that the Laws be faithfully executed.” This means:

   1. The president’s ultimate responsibility is to the Constitution and to the fair and neutral enforcement of the rule of law.

   2. The president is responsible for upholding the law and therefore is absolutely immune from any charges of criminal wrong-doing if he chooses instead to systematically subvert and corrupt it.*

   3. The president shall take the law outside and shoot it.

   4. The president is the law.

4. According to Article III, “Judges, both of the supreme and inferior Courts, shall hold their Offices during good Behaviour.” This means:

   1. All federal judges enjoy life tenure designed to insulate them from the pull and tug of partisan politics.

   2. A decision that supports the president is evidence of good behavior.

   3. A decision that does not support the president is evidence of very bad behavior.

   4. The radical lunatics deserve death.

5. According to the 1st Amendment, Congress shall pass no law…abridging the freedom of speech.” This means:

   1. Criticizing the government and people in power is a fundamental constitutional right.

   2. People have an unlimited fundamental constitutional right to express views that the government strongly agrees with.

   3. The only speech that may be permissibly constrained is expression likely to result in imminent lawlessness or make the three richest people in the world feel unloved.

   4. Congress can’t abridge speech, but the president sure as hell can.

6. According to the 5th Amendment, “No person shall…be deprived of life, liberty or property without due process of law.” This means:

   1. Persons have a right to challenge the state’s reasons for depriving their liberty before the deprivation becomes irrevocable, in a court of law.

   2. Persons have a right to challenge the reasons for the deprivation in a court of law, but only after the deprivation has become irrevocable. Admittedly, this creates inconveniences for persons subject to capital punishment.

   3. Bye, bye. Enjoy the flight.

7. According to the 12th Amendment, when certifying the vote of the Electoral College, the “President of the Senate shall, in the presence of the Senate and House of Representatives, open all the certificates and the votes shall then be counted.” This means:

   1. The president of the senate—that is, the vice president—is to play an entirely ceremonial function, like a presenter at the Academy Awards. He is to open the state certificates and then hand the opened certificates to a “teller” (a member of the House or Senate), who reads aloud the results of each state.

   2. The president of the senate—that is, the vice president—is to open each certificate and peek at the result. If the state certificate supports his and the president’s reelection, he is to hand the certificate to a teller, who announces the result. If the state’s certificate awards its electoral votes to the opposing party, the vice president is to quietly tear the certificate to shreds and call out, “Next!”

   3. The president of the senate—that is, the vice president—is to perform the ceremonial function described in (A) up until the moment that a mob of “peace-loving patriots” dressed in bison fur and armed with pitchforks and nooses invade the chamber. At this point, the president of the senate is to act as described in (B).

8. According to the 22nd Amendment, “no person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice.” This means:

   1. Are you seriously asking?

   2. Impossible to say. The language is so profoundly obscure and ambiguous as to invite a wide range of equally plausible interpretations.

   3. Provided that a second-term president doesn’t stand for election for a third term, he can stay in power for as long as he wants.

   4. Steve Bannon gets to say what it means.

Solutions

1:A, 2:A, 3:A, 4:A, 5:A, 6:A, 7:A, 8:A

Scores

1. 1 and above.

   Correct!

2. 2 and above.

   Correct!

3. 3 and above.

   Correct!

4. 4 and above.

   Correct!

5. 5 and above.

   Correct!

6. 6 and above.

   Correct!

7. 7 and above.

   Correct!

8. 8 and above.

   Correct!

9. 0 and above.

   Correct!

The answer key to this quiz was recently removed from usa.gov

* If the asterisked answer doesn’t make any sense, you’re not alone in your confusion. Please send all requests for clarification to the Supreme Court of the United States, 1 First St NE, Washington, DC 20543

• Lawrence Douglas is a professor of law at Amherst College in Massachusetts