A Nottinghamshire couple are raising awareness about cervical issues and the work of Simpsons Memory Box Appeal (SiMBA) after losing three babies in three years. Customer Insight managers, John Webb, 38 and Kate Lowery, 35, of Giltbrook, lost two babies who were born prematurely and one who was stillborn.
In 2020 the couple were expecting a baby girl, and at a standard 20 week scan the doctors found that Kate had an incompetent cervix, and it was too late for a cervical stitch, a procedure done during pregnancy to keep the baby in the uterus. Sadly their daughter Eloise was born prematurely at just under 23 weeks old.
John said: "She was alive with us for about 90 minutes and died shortly after. She was just to small to intervene without any severe complications, it was just too risky to do anything."
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An incompetent cervix is more common in women who have had certain procedures, but for it to happen naturally the way it did for Kate is quite rare. The couple tried again for a baby and in 2021 were expecting their son Luca.
Kate had preventive stitches again but their son Luca was born at 18 weeks. He was alive for around 45 minutes before he sadly died. Despite the heartache, the couple kept going and Kate became pregnant again. Their son Gabriel was expected on July 1 and they said they had a "very rigorous plan" set up, including another preventive stitch.
John said: "We got up to 24 weeks which was our really nerve wracking point. If a baby is born at 24 weeks it still carries lots of risks, but once we got to there we just kept passing through the weeks and just got really comfortable knowing the stitch had done its job and we knew we had solved the problem that was the issue with the first two pregnancies."
Kate had the stitch taken out in early June in week 36 and the baby was fine. Sadly, a week later John explained that Kate hadn't felt too many movements, and a series of scans couldn't detect a heart beat. Gabriel was stillborn. With the memories still so fresh they are not sure if they will try again.
The couple want to try and help others by raising awareness of cervical issues, the taboo topic of baby death, but also let people know about Simpsons Memory Box Appeal.
After the passing of each of their babies, John and Kate were given a memory box in hospital to help them. Kate said: "The first time we were given one it was the last thing you are thinking of.
"We had a bereavement midwife at the city hospital that sorted it all out for us. I think when you come away you realise how much those memories mean with the imprints of the handprints and footprints."
John added: "You can take hand and feet prints in like a clay imprint and charcoal on paper, and it has a couple of teddies in there so you can leave one with the baby and take one home. I've got a seven year old girl and it was good for her and will be for other children as they can have the teddy themselves and she likes having that teddy and knowing that's what it was and what it means." John's daughter, from another partner, has three teddies which she has named after each of the lost babies.
Before the loss of Gabriel, John had decided to walk 100km across Yorkshire in one day to help raise money for the appeal. He completed the journey in 26 hours and 10 minutes on the morning of Sunday, July 24 despite tearing his calf muscle and a partial tear of his hamstring.
The pair have raised almost £6,000 for the charity. Kate said: "People have been really generous and I don't think they really understand how far this money goes. The fact that we have raised around £6,000 will help so many people take those memories away."
John and Kate are keen to spread awareness of cervical issues and the charity and want people to feel comfortable talking about it. John said: "I don't think people know what to say. It's always personal but I think people shouldn't be scared to talk about these things. It's very sad, but I think to help people cope I don't think anyone should avoid it."
Kate added: "After the first time with Eloise, because it was during Covid people didn't really know that I was pregnant never mind that I had gone into labour. We posted what had happened and I had a lot of people contact me privately saying they have had similar things happen where they have lost babies and they can't talk about it. It made them feel a bit better that they could maybe start talking about it."
Kate wants people to know that "these things do happen, but also you can have these memories as well" thanks to memory boxes. If you would like to donate to their fundraiser you can find the JustGiving page here.
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