Trevor Noah
Trevor Noah celebrated the first new Rihanna music in six long years on Thursday’s Daily Show. The singer and fashion mogul will release a new single, Lift Me Up, for the upcoming film Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. “You understand how big this is? Rihanna plus Black Panther, what?!” he marveled.
Rihanna is giving us ONE new song after six years? All we can say is: thank you 🙏 pic.twitter.com/V3lc2GnLOa
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) October 28, 2022
“I haven’t experienced this much Black joy since that time Obama featured on that Cardi B track,” he joked. “It was just like, ‘Wap, wap, wap, I’ll tell you what makes my pussy wet: voting! Everybody vote!’
“You gotta admit, Rihanna has been keeping us thirsty,” he added. “We’ve been all begging for an album for six years, and now she’s like, ‘OK, OK, I’ll give you one song.’ And we’re like thank you, Rihanna, thank you! Just one song!”
Noah also touched on the beginning of Elon Musk’s tenure as owner of Twitter – to celebrate the occasion, Musk tweeted a video of him walking into Twitter HQ holding a sink with the caption “let this sink in”.
“What I want to know is where did he get that sink?” Noah wondered. “Is it just the one he ripped out of the wall when the judge told him he had to buy Twitter?
“If anything, Elon is the right billionaire to make this joke,” he continued. “Because if Jeff Bezos walked into Amazon with a sink, his employees would be like ‘oh wow, we’re finally getting a restroom?’”
Stephen Colbert
On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert facetiously announced that Kanye West would be banned from the Ed Sullivan theater following his antisemitic comments. On Wednesday, the disgraced rapper, who was dropped from his lucrative deal with Adidas, was removed from the Skechers headquarters in Los Angeles after an unannounced visit.
“In five years, the idea of unannounced visit from Kanye has gone from ‘amazing!’ to ‘sir, you need to leave this Skechers,’” Colbert said. Unlike with Adidas, West never had a business deal with Skechers – “apparently Kanye is so desperate, he’s just driving around searching Google Maps for ‘shoes near me’,” Colbert said.
“At this point, he’s going to have to set his sights lower and become the celebrity spokesman for ‘slippers that come with the robe’.”
Colbert then looked ahead to the upcoming midterm elections, for which Joe Biden is “doing everything he can to push his party over the top”, he said. “Now, he’s reaching out to your average Joe six-cylinder by playing up his car-guy persona, hoping his gearhead reputation will appeal to the Republican base.
“Yes, with the fate of our nation at stake, the Democrats have a plan: Republicans,” Colbert joked. Biden even went on Jay Leno’s Garage, where the two men drove a 1978 F-100 pickup converted to all-electric which Biden described as “quiet as hell”.
“They might want to add some sound, actually, because you know what sounds dangerous? A completely silent 44-year-old truck driven by a grandpa who hasn’t been behind the wheel in two years,” Colbert quipped.
Biden also drove his 1967 corvette at 118mph for a drag race with the son of the late secretary of state Colin Powell. “Any faster and he would’ve driven back to 1955 and made out with Marty McFly’s mom, which I’m pretty sure he did in 1955,” Colbert joked.
Jimmy Kimmel
And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel took aim at the beleaguered campaign of the Georgia Senate candidate Herschel Walker, which “has turned into a whole season of the Maury Povich show”.
Walker, a former football star turned Republican anti-abortion candidate, has been revealed to have fathered numerous children with several women and paid for at least two ex-girlfriends’ abortions. “Republicans are realizing they picked a piñata full of coconuts to represent them in a very important election, so every time a woman comes forward they send a Republican senator to go in there and help,” Kimmel explained.
In recent weeks, GOP senators such as Rick Scott, Tom Cotton, Ted Cruz and now South Carolina’s Lindsey Graham have joined Walker on the campaign trail.
“The reason Lindsey was there was to speak for Herschel – Herschel has trouble with speaking – and it was a good choice because when it comes to feigning righteous indignation, no one does it better than Lindsey G,” Kimmel noted. In a joint interview with Walker, Graham said liberals are “scared to death of Herschel Walker because if Herschel Walker becomes a Republican, maybe every other young child of color in America might want to be a Republican.”
“Maybe if Herschel actually raised his kids, they’d want to be Republicans,” said Kimmel. “I don’t know, give that a try.”
