Simon Burnton was at the Tottenham Stadium to see that game, and here’s his report.
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Harry Kane, speaking to Sky, says “no game in the Premier League is easy.”
Let’s just say he’s being polite there.
Elsewhere tonight, Nottingham Forest are in the quarter-finals of the FA Cup.
Tottenham are still in the race for the top four, and Everton, as if it needs saying, are in deep, deep trouble.
| Pos | Team | P | GD | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Man City | 28 | 50 | 69 |
| 2 | Liverpool | 27 | 51 | 63 |
| 3 | Chelsea | 26 | 35 | 53 |
| 4 | Arsenal | 25 | 12 | 48 |
| 5 | Man Utd | 28 | 7 | 47 |
| 6 | West Ham | 28 | 11 | 45 |
| 7 | Tottenham Hotspur | 26 | 8 | 45 |
| 8 | Wolverhampton | 27 | 1 | 40 |
| 9 | Southampton | 27 | -7 | 35 |
| 10 | Crystal Palace | 28 | 1 | 33 |
| 11 | Aston Villa | 26 | 0 | 33 |
| 12 | Leicester | 25 | -3 | 33 |
| 13 | Brighton | 27 | -6 | 33 |
| 14 | Newcastle | 26 | -16 | 28 |
| 15 | Brentford | 28 | -15 | 27 |
| 16 | Leeds | 27 | -32 | 23 |
| 17 | Everton | 25 | -18 | 22 |
| 18 | Burnley | 26 | -14 | 21 |
| 19 | Watford | 27 | -23 | 19 |
| 20 | Norwich | 27 | -42 | 17 |
Stat, via the BBC. Whatever happened to Dele Alli?
Tottenham have had two players (Dejan Kulusevski and Matt Doherty) register two assists in a single Premier League game for the first time since December 2017 against Southampton (Dele Alli and Son Heung-min).
Respectful handshakes here between the bosses but Frank Lampard looks absolutely haunted by that display. Make no mistake, Everton were awful and that’s his problem to sort out.
Tottenham 5️⃣-0️⃣ Everton
— Sky Sports Premier League (@SkySportsPL) March 7, 2022
It's all over and WHAT a win for Spurs 👏 pic.twitter.com/nC2JVrQK2B
Generic desperation from the Everton social media team.
FT. pic.twitter.com/wU3znXNX9W
— Everton (@Everton) March 7, 2022
Full-time: Tottenham 5-0 Everton
Great stuff, often clinical from Tottenham but they will have played better and not won so easily. Everton came apart and Frank Lampard has presided over four defeats in five matches. His team have been awful, not a shot on target, and they could have lost by far more. This was a bleak, blue Monday for Everton. They must look over their shoulders and hope others are worse than them. It’s probably their best hope, judging from that display.
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90+1 min: Nice possession from Everton for a short while, as neat as they have played since that first ten minutes before it all went so very very wrong.
90 min: Into the last minute we go, and there’s not been a lot happening on the field. Perhaps Harry Kane can get one more chance in the three minutes added on.
89 min: The Stellarossa on Cliff Britton, who died in 1975 but is trending on Twitter still. Cliff won the FA Cup in 1933 with Everton. “Mike Walker got close to taking them down - saved on the final day - and had a far worse win ratio than Britton. Was also sacked the following season when Everton were bottom of the table.”
88 min: Gary Naylor is back in, while the Everton fans have all gone home. “Frank is only getting sacked if he has a little run round the corner flag. Can’t blame him for casting an eye down the touchline given this performance.”
87 min: It’s almost cruel.
It's March 7 and Everton are still only four points ahead of what Liverpool got in their CL group
— Duncan Alexander (@oilysailor) March 7, 2022
85 min: Kulusevski gets to the byline with that loping stride and whips in a fine cross, a kind of 2022, right-footed version of Peter Beagrie/Ricky Holden. Good player, and credit to Spurs for buying him and Bentanur, both look ideal and have improved the team.
83 min: An old pal’s act as Harry Kane robs Dele Alli with a great tackle, his former partner in crime. From a free-kick taken off the left by Reguillon, Davinson Sanchez heads wide.
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82 min: Kulusevski, who’s had a fine game, rides a tackle from Branthwaite. He’s not the quickest but he’s strong and uses the ball well.
81 min: Poor Mary Waltz writes: “What is a greater humiliation? Getting torn apart for an entire match or having the other team stop trying to score out of pity?”
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80 min: If you’re wondering, there’s not much happening in the game. Tottenham appear to have declared. Everton have done some ineffectual attacking and have still not yet had a shot on target. It’s been comprehensively awful.
79 min: Colin Young is in: “With the deepest sympathy for Mary Waltz, I think we know which version of ‘Spursy’ Spurs has come out of the clinic today. The seriously good one. And I say that through gritted teeth as a Gooner but... credit where it’s due.Specially as Henry’s record has just tumbled to the simply amazing Kane. Him and Son just weirdly good. Though I do still larf when noting Spurs’ 3rd highest scorer is Own Goal. Season still on. Sorry Mary.. “
77 min: Em Jackson gets in touch: “At this rate I wonder if Rooney is glad to not have been asked to become Everton manager as his reputation can’t be harmed at Derby due to their financial situation. thus he’ll get a better job at a more stable club moving forward. If Lampard is sacked by this time next week it wouldn’t surprise me - and where does he go from here? A TV studio, that’s all.”
76 min: Young Anthony Gordon is still having a go, as for much of the season he’s been the sole bright spot.
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75 min: Tottenham easing off the gas, they travel to Old Trafford on Saturday and powder is being dried.
73 min: Everton going through the motions, this is done, and so perhaps are they. The club has 12 matches to save itself, and with a major sponsor down and no defence to speak of there can have been many grimmer nights for the club. And we are talking about Everton here, a club never shy of embracing doom and gloom.
72 min: Charles Antaki has an idea: “It won’t have escaped many people to notice that Manchester United are seemingly in need of a new manager – preferably someone who is not an obscure foreign tactician with no legendary playing career behind him. But aware, oh where, could one find such a person ready to leave their current club?”
70 min: Matt Atkinson gets in touch: “I can only imagine Mr Wilson is reviewing his old Frank Lampard’s Chelsea can’t defend articles, carefully cutting and pasting, and finding/replacing Chelsea with Everton. On the one hand the footballing gods took his Ole articles from him, and on the other they giveth back his Frank bit.”
Frank thus far does seem to be repeating his old mistakes, it has to be said.
68 min: As Lloris makes a save from Bergwijn, released by a Kulusevski pass, the Lane stands to cheer on Dele Alli, now of Everton and coming on for a team 5-0 down. All is forgiven of Alli, even if the last few years didn’t quite work out at Tottenham.
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67 min: Off goes Son, who won’t get another goal, and on comes Bergwijn, the architect of that January late show at Leicester. All subs made by Conte, with Harry Kane left on to chase that hat-trick and Frank Lampard’s goal record.
65 min: Kulusevski and Doherty link up but this time Everton get the ball clear. Antonio Conte receives the acclaim of the Tottenham fans, and replies in kind. He’s quite the showman, you know.
63 min: Son wants another, and he is chasing down Mason Holgate to make sure he gets it. The Everton defender has been having a nightmare. He’s hardly alone in that.
61 min: Kulusevski and Bentancur link up, and both look very comfortable. Though the Premier League doesn’t get much easier than this.
59 min: Everton sub: Van de Beek on, and on comes the Ukrainian, Mykolenko, to warm applause.
58 min: “Sacked in the morning,” sing the Tottenham fans. They mean Frank Lampard.
57 min: Oh Ev, oh no. Kane goes above Thierry Henry on the PL all-time list, and is now within one of Frank Lampard. He is fully on his game at the moment, give or take the Middlesbrough and Burnley games. Here and against Manchester City he’s back to his best.
Goal! Tottenham 5-0 Everton (Kane, 55)
And they get five. Chipped up into Kane’s path by Doherty and he smashes home on the volley.
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55 min: Kulusevski robbed just as he is about to shoot, and then Son is tackled at the last by Branthwaite. Then Eric Dier head over. Spurs want five here. And maybe more after that.
53 min: Everton on the attack, Richarlison failing to slide in after a Calvert-Lewin shot. Attacking is probably the best way of stopping more goals.
52 min: Another sub, and Tottenham take precautions with Cristian Romero by withdrawing him for Davinson Sanchez.
50 min: Why is Cliff Britton trending this evening, asks Foolhandy. That’s because he was the last manager to take Everton down.
48 min: Frank Lampard is fully in the “seriously” half of his “but seriously” routine. There’s not much amusement to be found in a performance of such ineptitude. Well, not if you are the manager responsible for it.
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47 min: As starts go to a second half go that was execrable from Everton, utter utter rubbish, but Tottenham skated past them with such ease and skill. The story will Everton’s supreme awfulness but Spurs have been on it tonight.
Goal! Tottenham 4-0 Everton (Reguillon, 46)
We barely time to even kick off, as off went Michael Keane and Ryan Sessegnon, as Branthwaite and Reguillon come on. And Reguillon scores within 40 seconds of coming on as Son slices through. Oh Ev, oh no. They were queueing up.
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Before we restart, here’s Barney Ronay on another fading force of repeated failure, Manchester United.
There are two things worth saying about this. First, no useful purpose is served here. This is not good for the Premier League, or good for how we consume this thing. There is a general principle that grandiose failure is more interesting than efficient success. Stories about a non-tortured genius or unflawed heroes rarely catch the imagination.
Hence Manchester City winning is harder to describe in an interesting way than Manchester United losing. Describing why and how City are good, the way a team of seven technically sublime midfielders set to a wonderfully grooved plan can always create overlaps and space: this is less grabby, less operatic.
Half-time: Tottenham 3-0 Everton
The half ends with Holgate smashing the ball into Michael Keane’s face. That sums it up for Everton, for whom the defending has been farcical, feckless and, frankly, rubbish. Spurs took their second two goals well, but Keane’s own-goal set the tone. It came at a time Everton had actually looked half-decent. That feels a long time ago. They players leave the field with Seamus Coleman, one of football’s best sons-in-law, losing his cool. It’s been that type of half for Everton.
45 min: Van de Beek is doing some complaining, as well he might. Now how apart getting in the way of some Tottenham runners from midfield? Two minutes are added on.
44 min: Van de Beek, part of a midfield that has allowed Tottenham to cut through them like a knife through warmed Kilvert’s lard, tries to play in Richarlison. It’s neat and tidy but it’s lightweight stuff.
43 min: Calvert-Lewin at least finds himself in the Tottenham box as Everton chase a goal that possibly, maybe might change Antonio Conte’s half-time team talk from mildly threatening to manically threatening.
41 min: Everton’s attacking impetus now fading as fast as their hopes of getting something from this game. It’s best used as a training exercise to get Calvert-Lewin fit, all else seems lost, even allowing for them playing Tottenham.
39 min: This is really really really bad for Everton. Kane meanwhile draws level with Thierry Henry on Premier League goals scored and two behind Frank Lampard, who can be seen glowering on the touchline.
Most Premier League goals scored in the competition’s history:
— Squawka Football (@Squawka) March 7, 2022
◎ 260 - Alan Shearer
◎ 208 - Wayne Rooney
◎ 187 - Andy Cole
◎ 184 - Sergio Agüero
◎ 177 - Frank Lampard
◉ 175 - Harry Kane
◎ 175 - Thierry Henry
Kane equals a PL Hall-of-Famer. 🤝 pic.twitter.com/xawrptnRmq
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Goal! Tottenham 3-0 Everton (Kane, 37)
A rare period of calm as Tottenham stroke the ball around.But that was calm before the storm. Kulusevski takes the ball down in midfield and plays Kane through, and he finishes from 20 yards out, calmly. There’s a VAR delay but it will stand. Oh Ev, oh no. They offered nothing in defence.
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35 min: Seamus Coleman knocks behind to stop Harry Kane nudging the ball in at the near post from a corner. Everton fans keep the ball to try and stop the next corner. That bad already, it seems.
33 min: Three touches for Calvert-Lewin in chasing a Van de Beek ball into the corner. Then Betancur is allowed to carry the ball for many yards, and that seems to be Everton’s problem. They have been fine in possession so far, and awful when out of it. There’s a theme here, though maybe too early in Frank Lampard’s reign to speculate on that. Not that Everton have much time. Pickford is asked to make a save from Doherty cutting in from the right.
31 min: Gary Naylor, the Evertonian, gets in touch: “Good team spirit here from Everton with ten players doing their best to help Dominic Calvert-Lewin beat Romelu Lukaku’s record.”
You may have to think about that one but it’s good.
30 min: Romero smashes over Richarlison, and takes a booking he fully deserved. Argentina v Brazil there. Young Anthony Gordon will take the free-kick but it goes straight to Lloris.
28 min: So close for Spurs, and Everton cut to ribbons again. Poked on by Betancur, Son through, good save by Pickford, and Kane smashes wide. Everton’s defending has been, well, atrocious.
27 min: Everton pushing up but not having much joy when doing so. For now, Tottenham are holding firm. Ryan Sessegnon has had a decent game in bombing on for them.
25 min: Everton try to get it launched to Dominic Calvert-Lewin, and miss their before young Anthony Gordon and Eric Dier get involved with Dier being tripped up by the youngster. He’s keen, at least.
24 min: And Young Anthony Gordon is fouled after sending Sessegnon over with some neat skill and Son pulls him back. Booking for Son, silly but deserved.
23 min: Harsh from Steve Carr here: “Evening John. I’ve watched Anthony Gordon on a few occasions now and he definitely has a bit of Jack Grealish about him. By that I mean he tends to make very most of the slightest bit of contact.”
On Merseyside, they compare him to Steven Gerr...I’m not going there.
22 min: There’s a long way to go yet, though we wait to see if that’s bad or good news for Frank Lampard’s Everton. They have been cut asunder by the simple pass down the line, and through the line, so far. The signs are not at all good.
20 min: Tottenham meanwhile have their heads up, and strolling around like cockerels. This is the story of the Tottenham.
18 min: Thing is, Everton had looked OK, but two defensive howlers and here we are, the Toffees staring at the abyss. The last time they were relegated, in 1951, rhere was still post-war rationing.
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Goal! Tottenham 2-0 Everton (Son, 17)
17 min: Antonio Conte celebrated that goal in his usual pogo style, and gets to celebrate again soon enough. Oh my, Son is played through, Kane playing him in and Jordan Pickford should do far better. Oh Ev!
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15 min: Van de Beek penalised for a raised boot and not happy to be so.
Goal! Tottenham 1-0 Everton (Keane, own-goal 14)
Nice and open this one, as can be the case when neither team is much cop at the back but both possess attacking quality...and here we go, Sessegnon bursts to the byline, the ball coming in and Kane smashing into the net, barely breaking stride to do so....no, it was Michael Keane who smashed into his own goal. Oh Ev, oh no.
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12 min: Young Anthony Gordon has been everywhere so far, and even takes the free-kick. He’s a regular Tony Grant, though maybe a bit more pacy than the 1990s legend.
11 min: Kane and Son link, and the Korean has space and time that he fails to use, only for young Anthony Gordon to smash into him and rob Son as Sessegnon looked the ball to play.
10 min: Ben Davies smashes into young Anthony Gordon, as we must call him, but the youngster, made of stern stuff, gets back up.
9 min: Doucoure runs back to foul Hojberg, destroyer on destroyer. Spurs move the ball upfield and Kane tried to turn and find a teammate, holding the ball for a while. He suffers for a lack of company around him.
7 min: Calvert-Lewin holds it up, plays in Doucoure and an attack is in session, Everton have Richarlison and Anthony Gordon playing off DLC, and it looks dangerous.
6 min: Calvert-Lewin tries to hold the ball up and he is wrestled out of it by Dier. Good, solid, many contact. No foul asked for. At the other end, Everton try to play their way out of trouble and struggle to clear their lines. Spurs pressing up, as are Everton. Big wide spaces there tonight.
4 min: Allan is angry after being penalised for himself, and continues to mutter to himself. On the bench, Alli, who the new White Hart Lane never saw the best off, is reduced to the role of onlooker.
2 min: The Everton plan? Hit Dom would seem to be a fair guess. Such a good player on his day but too often absent this season. As Everton and Leeds have found, relying on a striker is no recipe for success once injury calls. Spurs could empathise, and Harry Kane takes an early whack from Mason Holgate.
1 min: And after the players take the knee, referee Stuart Attwell gets us underway. What happens now? That’s why we’re watching and reading but both teams’ propensity for inconsistency suggests we have some thrills and spills to follow.
Warm handshakes between Antonio Conte and Frank Lampard by the dugouts, Chelsea alumni of differing length of service, though they managed the club for a similar length of time. The Tottenham PA is playing Barry Manilow before a segue into a minute’s applause for the people of Ukraine with yellow and blue adoring the stadium. Football Stands Together indeed. Here, at least, they do.
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Scott Blair on Oliver Skipp’s absence: “I get Conte’s frustration, but very few medics are going to try and pronounce in a press conference what Oliver Skipp’s affliction seems to be. It would make a good Star Wars character name though. Padme Amidala, Sheev Palpatine, and Pubic Symphisis would make quite the trio.”
Mary Waltz, Everton fan, gets in touch: “How to play with the relegation Sword of Damocles hanging over one’s head. The weekend results by others were good for us Toffee fans but at some point we have to win. Spurs’ schizophrenia might just be our salvation.”
Frank Lampard is glad to have Dominic Calvert-Lewin back, as he tells Sky Sports.
It’s hard not to look around yourself, some results went our way, some not so. We’re really pleased [DCL]’s a big player for us, it feels a boost for the club he’s trained a few days, and looks fit and fresh. It’s not easy to change in the Prenepr League with a click of your fingers. These things need time, we’re working hard, let’s hope we see it in the game. We’ve been working hard in areas, and now’s the time work hard to try and stay in the league. I only assess them as the best Tottenham, with a great coach and some outstanding players. I expect the best and we have to be at our best.
Conte speaks to Sky Sports.
Our prospects is to give everything in every game, there are 13 games, we have to tour to fight until the end. At the end we see what happens. We need to have the ambition and stay in the race. To continue to improve there is only one way, to create a stable team. It is not easy when you play four games in 11 days. It is a surprise to see Everton in this position, the squad that they have. I think this league is every difficult. At the end of the season their position will be much better than it is now.
All has not been well at Tottenham, it goes without saying, and Antonio Conte appears to have fallen out with his medical team.
Oliver Skipp, it is a pity. In England, I think that sometimes you should have a [press] conference with the medical department. It is too easy for the doctors to work here because they don’t speak, they don’t explain what happens, you understand? Sometimes I think that could be good … if, in two weeks … to have a good press conference with the medical department to explain about the situation that they are trying to take care of their players.
Pre-match listening is here.
The big news for Everton is a start for Dominic Calvert-Lewin, as he Jordan Pickford, Mason Holgate, Seamus Coleman, Richarlison come into the team having sat out the match with Boreham Wood, with Dele Alli, as expected, on the bench.
Just one change for Tottenham from the team that lost to Middlesbrough in the FA Cup last week. Rodrigo Bentancur comes in for Harry Winks in the midfield.
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Here are the teams
Tottenham Lloris, Doherty, Romero, Dier, Davies, Sessegnon, Hojbjerg, Bentancur, Kulusevski, Son, Kane. Subs: Gollini, Reguilon, Sanchez, Winks, Royal, Rodon, Bergwijn, Moura, White.
Everton: Pickford, Kenny, Holgate, Keane, Coleman, Doucoure, Allan, Van de Beek, Gordon, Richarlison, Calvert-Lewin. Subs: Begovic, Townsend, Iwobi, Mykolenko, Gomes, Branthwaite, Rondon, El Ghazi, Alli.
Referee: Stuart Attwell (Warwickshire)
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Frank Lampard has been but-seriously-ing away. Everton have won once in 12 away matches this season, collecting six points from a possible 36.
The away form is something that won’t necessarily be changed overnight. There are reasons why we’re not getting results. I think some of those are confidence or mentality issues, and when I say mentality it’s not a negative thing, it’s just about how we handle games as a group away from home. Some of them it’s the structure of the team and how we set up, and it’s certainly my responsibility to get that right. But that’s one that we do work on.
Dele Alli, just a few weeks after leaving Tottenham, will play some part against his old club.
At his best, during his first three seasons in north London, Alli made the game look fun and Spurs fans gorged on the memorable moments – mainly the goals, some of them spectacular and in massive matches. But there were also the flashes of skill, often improvised and off the cuff, that cemented his popularity. He played with a glorious freedom of spirit but also a provocative edge and he loved to wind up opposition players and supporters.
So, which Spurs team will turn up? The Manchester City-bothering one, all controlled power and counterattacking, with Harry Kane and Son Heung-min in perfect harmony, or the one that lost 1-0 at Burnley and was then outplayed and lost by the same score at Middlesbrough in the FA Cup? No one knows, of course, least of all Antonio Conte, it seems. Meanwhile, Frank Lampard has guided Everton to the quarter-finals of the FA Cup but knows he cannot be distracted with them only one point above the relegation zone. As a Chelsea player, Lampard knew almost continuous success against Spurs and he will hope he can bring some of that mojo to his struggling side. However, upcoming home games against Wolves and Newcastle may bring more reward. Conrad Leach
Preamble
Perhaps there was a time back in the neolithic age when one of these clubs was not going through a crisis but this is not that time. Tottenham, for a team with a not wholly distant hopes of making the top four, appear to lurch from one disaster to the next while also capable of beating Manchester City. That they followed that up by losing to Burnley is the story of the Tottenham so them having a raging martinet of a manager in Antonio Conte, given to mood swings of triumph and disaster, only adds to the fun. Frank Lampard, of course, is a manager given to more minor swings of mood, from that cheeky chuckle of his to being serious in the very next breath. Everton fans cannot even try and enjoy the ride at the moment, even if their team ran City pretty close last week and the bottom three and Leeds above them all lost. A relegation battle is on and fans of the Ev are already looking for this year’s Gareth Farrelly or even a Barry Horne, Hans Segers or Bobby Stuart to get them out of trouble. And then there’s the question of the club’s rather opaque ownership.
All aboard for this derby of near-perpetual disappointment, kick-off at 8pm. Join me.
| Pos | Team | P | GD | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Man City | 28 | 50 | 69 |
| 2 | Liverpool | 27 | 51 | 63 |
| 3 | Chelsea | 26 | 35 | 53 |
| 4 | Arsenal | 25 | 12 | 48 |
| 5 | Man Utd | 28 | 7 | 47 |
| 6 | West Ham | 28 | 11 | 45 |
| 7 | Tottenham Hotspur | 25 | 3 | 42 |
| 8 | Wolverhampton | 27 | 1 | 40 |
| 9 | Southampton | 27 | -7 | 35 |
| 10 | Crystal Palace | 28 | 1 | 33 |
| 11 | Aston Villa | 26 | 0 | 33 |
| 12 | Leicester | 25 | -3 | 33 |
| 13 | Brighton | 27 | -6 | 33 |
| 14 | Newcastle | 26 | -16 | 28 |
| 15 | Brentford | 28 | -15 | 27 |
| 16 | Leeds | 27 | -32 | 23 |
| 17 | Everton | 24 | -13 | 22 |
| 18 | Burnley | 26 | -14 | 21 |
| 19 | Watford | 27 | -23 | 19 |
| 20 | Norwich | 27 | -42 | 17 |
