Jan Vertonghen has described Tottenham's 2019 Champions League final as one of the most difficult moments of his career.
The former Spurs defender, 36, has previously opened up on the mental health problems he suffered from during his career, which led to him nearly quitting the game aged 24.
But a head injury suffered in the Champions League semi-final first leg against Ajax contributed to a sharp downturn in his wellbeing and performances on the pitch, which doctors were at a loss to explain.
A collision with Tottenham teammate Toby Alderweireld and Ajax goalkeeper Andre Onana took its toll on Vertonghen, who subsequently played the final against Liverpool while desperate for the game to end.
“I had a nosebleed and all the trimmings,” he recalled of the blow on the Mid Mid Podcast, via the Telegraph.
“But I remember very well that I didn’t feel 100 per cent before that match. A lot had happened in that time. The combination of that huge blow and not feeling well meant that I would suffer for another nine months. I was so shaky on my legs in the return match one week later.”
Of the final, he said: “That was survival. I spent the entire final counting down to the 90th minute. On the way back to the hotel I fell asleep on the players’ bus. I felt really bad during that period, the link to the collision with Alderweireld and Onana was quickly made.
“I went to almost all specialists, but no explanation was found. I couldn’t go to a restaurant. I tried it once and had to leave after 10 minutes. I couldn’t tolerate crowds, I fell asleep anywhere. Normally I never sleep on the road, during that period it happened everywhere.
“I felt there was more to it and kept talking about it. Now I am convinced that it was a mental-psychological problem. Now when I see photos from that time, I immediately see that something was wrong. That my eyes were different. I was also often ‘down’.”
Vertonghen played the full 90 minutes as Spurs lost 2-0 to Liverpool in Madrid, before he left the club a year later.
That campaign saw football suspended by the outbreak of the Covid pandemic, a pause which the Belgian has described as his "salvation". However, he is "still afraid" a similar episode could happen again.
"I had no tangible injury, ‘man up’ was kind of the mentality"
As his performances declined in his final season at the club, including being taken off at half-time of a 2-2 draw away to Norwich, Vertonghen was worried that discussing his issue as a mental health problem could impact his career.
“The doctor’s tests showed there was no physical problem, everything was fine,” he said. “But running exercises in preparation did not work. I had no tangible injury, ‘man up’ was kind of the mentality. My contract was expiring, if I said I had mental problems, I didn’t know what that would mean for other clubs.
“You also see that I played very bad matches that year. Norwich and Chelsea away, those are matches I remember very well. I headed next to balls and stuff.
"I saw [Jose] Mourinho - then-coach at Tottenham - look at half-time with a ‘you stay in’ [the dressing-room] look, and I was also happy that I was substituted. It was all very strange. I didn’t realise at the time that I might have a mental problem.”
Tottenham have been approached for comment.
