It’s (almost) the most wonderful time of the year, and the Christmas adverts are lining up. The Halloween costumes are still on, Mariah Carey has barely started defrosting, we’ve only just begun arguing about poppies. But TK Maxx is straight out the gate with its “Festive Farm” offering.
We open on a storybook farm experiencing the kind of white Christmas that has only been seen four times since the Sixties, or so the Met Office reliably informs us. The creatively named Alpaca, Lil Goat, Duck and Hedgehog have all been decked out in fluffy sliders, a shiny puffer jacket, and a bumbag.
It’s the kind of gently twee view of farming that seems to have come straight out of All Creatures Great and Small, with dry stone walls and retro tractors. The human cast, wearing box fresh clothes entirely inappropriate for a barnyard, are startled by the sight of the animals wearing clothes. But wait! It’s not the clothes that prompt a double-take, it’s the cost of such snazzy gear. Thankfully, you can “spoil your loved ones for less” if you shop at TK Maxx,
There’s no attempt at tear-jerking here, the message is a simple one: buy your loved ones big name brands for cheap. It’s a Christmas message for the cost-of-living crisis.
Considering the heavy use of CGI in the TK Maxx Christmas advert (probably a good thing for all involved that no actual animals had to be wrestled into clothes), the creatures themselves avoid getting too far into the uncanny valley. Lil Goat has a slightly spooky walk that recalls Black Philip in the VVitch, but that’s just goats for you. The alpaca gets most of the screen time, anyway. While Lil Goat was the break-out star last year, flaunting her designer outfit in front of the rest of the herd, Alpaca gets top billing in 2024.
Which leaves us to ponder how it came to be that this animal in particular was chosen to carry the festive flag for a shop that recorded £4 billion of sales this year. What focus group or survey was it that pointed to alpacas as a future star?
The wooly camelids are gaining popularity in the UK, where the British Alpaca Society estimates there are 45,000 of them registered – plus 15,000 unregistered alpacas. This does not mean they live a life of vigilante justice on the fringes of society, but rather they haven’t had their pedigree sorted by the BAS.
We do not know Alpaca’s registration status, but they are undeniably sweet with their well-rendered curls and chunky green knit. Is it weird for an animal to be wearing something potentially crafted from it’s own offcuts? Is it akin to wearing a hoodie made of your own hair, or a mask made of someone else’s face? Don’t think too deeply about it.
Not only does Alpaca channel the Great British tradition of cute animals in human clothes, he could fill a looming hole in the cultural psyche. Now that Paddington is getting, dare we say it, a bit too cosy with Big Government following the passport fast-track scandal, Alpaca could be our new anthropomorphic folk hero/psychopomp.
But lest we forget, our most famous – or should that be infamous – pop culture alpaca is the late Geronimo, who was put to the fire by the Government in 2021. Poor doomed Geronimo was euthanised after testing positive for bovine tuberculosis (TB). It caused outrage among the animal-loving general public, but TB is a real risk to livestock and must be taken seriously. Sorry Londoners, your Christmas Advert Reviewer this year grew up in an agricultural heartland.
Alpacas are potentially politically contentious, then. Sir Kier Starmer, now our Prime Minister, publicly backed the kill order. Geronimo’s breeder is still demanding a Government review of the whole debacle. Will the TK Maxx Christmas advert prove to be Sir Kier’s own visit from the ghost of alpacas past?
To be clear, cute as they are, alpacas do not make easy pets. They evolved in South America, where there is significantly more sunshine than rainy old England. They need Vitamin D injections and a whole host of vaccinations. Then there is the lurking spectre of TB testing – the very thing that did for poor old Geronimo. On behalf of overworked vets everywhere, only consider them if you have the resources. Otherwise you can purchase your own TK Maxx tie-in plushie, available from 11 November, with £2.50 from each sale going to charity The King’s Trust.
This is Christmas after all, a time for joy and capitalism rather than fact-checking and alpaca execution. The animals are cute enough, the soundtrack (Let Me Blow Ya Mind by Eve and Gwen Stefani, swears bleeped out with duck quacks) is banging. It’s a solid opening to the festive advertisement season.
Festive Farm, TK Maxx, on TV from 7 November
