TikTok’s Mikayla Nogueira has been open about her ongoing mental health journey, but shared this week that her “self-hatred” has grown over the past few months.
The beauty influencer has more than 13m followers on TikTok and is known for posting honest beauty reviews. Over the past few months, Nogueira has also shared videos documenting her mental health journey, after revealing in July that her eating disorder has hit “rock bottom”.
In a TikTok posted on 30 August, the 24-year-old makeup artist explained that her “self-hatred” is at an all-time high, and it has a lot to do with the pressures of being a social media influencer.
“I have to talk to you guys about something that I’ve been really struggling with for quite a while now,” she began the video. “For the last couple months, my self-hatred has truly exploded.”
“What I mean by that is, I hate myself,” Nogueira said. “I have zero confidence, I hate how I look, I haven’t felt beautiful in months, and I don’t know why this is happening to me.”
“Well, that’s a lie. I do,” she interjected. “It’s this job.”
Nogueira went on to explain how being a social media influencer – “a job that requires you to stare at yourself all day long” – has caused her to pick apart everything about her face and her body. “For the last several months, I have completely begun to hate myself,” she went on. “I don’t feel beautiful without makeup, I don’t feel beautiful with makeup, and I hate looking in the mirror. I hate taking photos of myself, I hate having photos of myself taken.”
The Boston native said that the worst part about her current mental health status is that she’s “completely forgotten” who she is as a person and feels very lost in her life. Nogueira also noticed that’s she’s stopped doing her makeup the way that she used to, before her viral fame, because of the pressure to follow certain beauty trends.
Nogueira’s feelings of body dysmorphia – a mental health condition in which a person “can’t stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in their appearance,” according to the Mayo Clinic – was felt by many of her fans in the comments section.
Even pop icon Lady Gaga commented some words of encouragement for Nogueira. “I have been through this before and still do sometimes and sometimes it’s good to take little breaks from the mirror/camera just to calm the mind,” she wrote.
“Remember that not everything in life has to orbit your career and that DOES NOT mean you’re not dedicated, it just means you’re human.”
Others took the opportunity to praise Nogueira for being honest and vulnerable about her mental health and self-image.
“As a content creator I get this. I don’t wear makeup like you do but I follow you, for you, you make me smile and I love seeing you grow,” one person said. “I’m so proud.”
Another TikToker commented: “Your ability to communicate this when you’re in the midst of it is telling of your strength. I feel you. You are beautiful Mikayla. Inside and out.”
“This breaks my heart,” a third person said. “You’re truly so so beautiful inside & out. Take any time you may need. We’ll always be here for you & love you!”
