In the name of journalism, John Safran has taken on white supremacists, big tobacco and far-right extremists. He has subjected himself to an on-camera exorcism and gone to the Philippines to be crucified (literally – nails were driven through his hands and feet, and he hung on the cross for five minutes).
But for his latest project, the media figure managed to wrap filming without requiring medical attention.
Safran is one of the co-hosts of the new SBS three-part series Who the Bloody Hell Are We? which unearths the multicultural roots of modern Australia. Because this is John Safran, his episode sees him “bring a holy Jewish mud creature known as a golem to life through Kabbalah prayer”.
Safran has long been fascinated by religion, and has a bookshelf full of Bibles and scripture at home. Here, he tells us why he couldn’t do without those holy tomes and shares the stories behind two other important personal belongings.
What I’d save from my house in a fire
A Swedish welcoming spoon. This is how my grandparents procured it: they fled the Nazis in Poland for a gulag in Russia, then a refugee camp in Uzbekistan – where my mother was born – then back to Poland. The Nazis had been defeated but the Jews were still hated, so they went to a displaced person’s camp in Germany before finally my grandparents, my mother and my aunt were welcomed into Sweden.
The Swedish government handed them a bag of essentials, including cutlery – of which the spoon, marked SAK, survives in my kitchen drawer in Melbourne. I use it for cereal and soup and whatever. It signifies hope for me.
My most useful object
Books decorate my home. One cabinet, that reaches floor to ceiling, is dedicated to Bibles and scripture. I call it God’s Bookshelf.
There’s New Testaments in Korean, Japanese, Bislama, Aboriginal creole, Spanish and Hebrew. Some procured from hotel drawers, others honestly obtained.
You’ll find Qur’ans and Books of Mormon and Ramayana alongside guides to Nazi mysticism, UFO Christianity, a feminist translation of the Torah, the Satanic Bible, the Necronomicon and an instruction manual on how to build a Scientology E-meter.
Most houses only have a book or two instructing how to perform an exorcism and it’ll be the garden-variety Catholic version. These shelves hold several guides to Jewish exorcism and how to expel demons found along the Horn of Africa. So no matter what spirit passes my door, friend or foe, I can communicate with it.
The item I most regret losing
Many of us have a box, curated by our parents, storing kindergarten finger paintings and other childhood work. I had one of them, then a certain someone who shall remain nameless threw out the box. Without warning! I’m most annoyed because childhood mementos are fertile seeds for stories. And storytelling is my occupation.
I wrote a storybook in grade three, stored in that box, of a boy and girl in love, both with a secret they are withholding from each other which they believe prevents them from marrying. On the final page of the story, the secrets are revealed. The boy takes off their mask, revealing they are a girl. But then the girl takes off their mask revealing they are a boy. They realise they can get married after all.
When it became clear that 2020s society was obsessing over gender issues, I thought back to that story. It would have come in handy for some present-day spiel. But it was not to be. Those sheets of paper are worm food in a landfill. Thanks a lot, Certain Someone Who Shall Remain Nameless!
Who The Bloody Hell Are We? premieres on SBS on Wednesday 19 July at 7:30pm and continues weekly. All three episodes will be available to stream on SBS On Demand from 19 July.
