Barry Hone has a first-class chemistry degree, but there is no known medicinal compound to tranquillise his biggest disappointment in football.
In a parallel universe, Horne would have captained Wales at the 1994 World Cup finals, and 29 years ago he was so close to living the dream he was almost at the check-in desk. With their death-or-glory qualifier against Romania in Cardiff locked at 1-1, and Wales on the warpath after Dean Saunders' equaliser, they were awarded a penalty when the late Gary Speed was tripped in the box by Dan Petrescu.
The BBC, who had begun the night showing live coverage of England's futile 7-1 win against San Marino – which came too late to save the Three Lions' chances of going to the USA and Graham Taylor's job as manager – even switched to the more meaningful drama across the Severn Bridge. But Paul Bodin crashed his spot-kick against the bar and Romania, who had been rocking under a fierce Welsh onslaught, recovered their composure to win 2-1.
For sobering context, a 67-year-old retired postman from Merthyr Tydfil was later killed when a distress flare was launched inside the ground and hit him in the chest. Tell that to the morons who decorate games with pyrotechnics now and think their coloured smoke bombs are just a bit of harmless fun.
Horne, now 60, hopes Robert Page's side can end 64 years of hurt and near misses in Sunday's World Cup play-off against Ukraine and land their first ticket to the finals since 1958. But the pain of being skipper at that Romania game in November 1993 has never left him.
“Even now, hardly a day goes by when I don't think about it, and how my life might have turned out if the result had been different,” he admitted. “To be honest, I've never really got over it. I could have been the first captain to lead Wales to a World Cup since 1958 and it never really sank in that we got so close without getting over the line.
“I still replay the game in my mind – I can remember us going behind, unusually and unbelievably to a shot Neville Southall should have saved, a collectors' item because he was the best keeper in the world, and the way we fought back. Rightly or wrongly, Romania had a reputation for being temperamental – brilliant or flaky – and when Dean Saunders equalised they were rocking.
“I remember saying to the lads, 'They are gone, we've got this.' If that penalty goes in, they are not coming back and we're on our way to the World Cup. We had a team deserving of the big stage - Big Nev, Rush, Hughes, Giggs, Speed... it's a crying shame none of them ever went to a major tournament. Maybe Sunday is our chance to put that right.”
Horne, whose 18-year playing career spanned 575 club games and 59 caps for Wales, says they must put sentiment to one side and subject Ukraine to the dragon's fire at full blast.
Russia's invasion of a sovereign neighbour has won Ukraine worldwide sympathy, but Horne warned: “This is not the Eurovision Song Contest. Places at the World Cup are not decided by a popular vote. If I was playing, my mindset would be simple: I would want to beat them.
“Everyone is treading on eggshells, but this is sport. I would shake hands, wish them all the best and then play the game on its merits, no quarter asked and none given. I wasn't surprised they beat Scotland because they have some very good players, but qualifying for the World Cup has to earned on the pitch, not decided by sentiment or sympathy.
“I'm convinced we will go about it in the right manner - and this time, I'm quietly confident about the outcome.”
