Serge, 58
We remained very intimate throughout the months she was recovering
Five months after we met, Lucy was diagnosed with breast cancer. We were deep in lust, still discovering each other, and it was frightening news to receive. I offered to move in, to support her, so in some ways the diagnosis accelerated our relationship. Luckily, doctors caught the cancer early and she didn’t need a mastectomy. We remained very intimate throughout the months she was recovering. We would often have sex in the morning before I drove her to hospital. It was relaxing and therapeutic to be close like that, before she was bombarded by radiation. Sex had a new intensity, because we felt such a need for each other.
I was Lucy’s seventh ever lover; she was my 67th. (I don’t consider myself a Lothario, it was just the result of being single for 35 years.) I’d always hoped to get married, but it was only at 54 that I finally met the right woman. I immediately felt totally relaxed with Lucy, which is why I offered to move in so soon. I’m picky, but that’s not the real reason why it’s taken me so long to settle down. Underneath a veneer of charm I’m socially awkward and find it easy to offend people. Lucy is immensely generous, with a rare ability to manage my insensitivity. If I’m having an argument with someone at a party, she will raise her eyebrows at me across the room, which is my signal to shut up.
Lucy has three children who still live at home. The only cross words Lucy and I have exchanged in the past four years have been about them. The other day I shouted at her daughter, who refuses to do any chores at all. Lucy and I had a sex date planned, but she made it clear that we had to have a serious chat before sex was a possibility.
With teenagers in the house, having sex requires some discretion. I can be quite noisy and Lucy is the most orgasmic lover I’ve ever had. When we came downstairs after one particular session, Lucy’s daughter asked her whether I was OK, because she’d heard me “stub my toe”. I think she knew exactly what was going on.
Callout
Lucy, 52
I didn’t want the cancer to turn my breasts into the enemy. Sex was key to that
Serge is a very giving lover. I was diagnosed with cancer only a few months after meeting him, so he would have been perfectly within his rights to run for the hills. Instead, Serge did the exact opposite: he offered to move in with me and look after me through my treatment.
I didn’t want the cancer to turn my breasts into the enemy. I wanted to maintain a feeling of ownership over my body. Sex was key to that. I was lucky that my medication didn’t kill my desire, so Serge and I continued to have sex throughout my illness. In a way, sex became even more important to us, because it was a healing source of pleasure and connection.
I’ve had the all-clear for four years now, and I still make a conscious effort to prioritise sex. Serge and I have a longstanding Saturday morning date: papers, tea, crossword – then we lock the dog out of the bedroom and have nice, slow sex. I’d never had an orgasm from oral sex before I met Serge. Now I have multiple orgasms from it every time we go to bed. Sex was our way of bonding when we were dealing with my illness – and we still use it to affirm our relationship in times of tension. Before we got married we had a very long chat about money. I have children and Serge doesn’t, so I wanted to protect some assets for their future. Our way of managing that was to go for long walks and talk things through, before reconnecting by getting into bed.
My children were pleased Serge moved in to support me during my illness, but they do butt heads with him. I’m not so easy to bait, but some of Serge’s views are old fashioned, and it riles my children up.
I suppose there’s always a bit of competition between a stepfather and a stepchild, both of them thinking, “She loves me more, really!”. Recently, Serge and my daughter had a huge argument. We had planned to have sex when I got home from the office, but on that occasion I told him we needed to have a difficult chat first, and then a bonding shag afterwards.
Sex is how we stay close through life’s difficulties, be that family challenges or health worries.
