Janet, 59
I can’t remember how Alan and I ended up having sex for the first time. We’d probably had a few too many drinks.
I was 10 years out of a tricky divorce and I’d developed a bad habit: I would sleep with a man and then immediately go off him. I used to call it the “garage-door moment”. I’d be in love with a guy one second, and then he’d say something yucky, and – boom! – the automatic door would roll down. I wouldn’t fancy him any more.
For a long time, I’d resisted sleeping with Alan because I didn’t want the garage door to go down on him. We’d been friends for 20 years and our children went to school together. Also, I tend to go for big, brassy real-estate salesman guys. Prima-donna types. And Alan is the exact opposite of that. He is strong and determined, but quietly so. One night we did get into bed together and he surprised me – because he was so sweet. I just hadn’t imagined he would be so good at sex. He’s not a tall, broad guy but he is very well endowed. I can take a little time to climax and Alan was, and still is, very attentive to that. He always makes sure I’m having just as much fun as him.
I’m 59 now and Alan’s just had his 60th. In my 20s I might have dressed up in lingerie or tried a million different positions to keep a husband happy. I can’t be bothered with that now. I’ve always truly preferred really good missionary sex. Missionary is underrated! I think Alan would like to occasionally have some more adventurous sex. Although when I mentioned the lingerie to him the other day he said: ‘Oh, don’t worry! It would be off pretty quick … ”
But we do like to surprise each other, now and then. For my birthday last year Alan warned me we’d be having a night in, no kids, and we would be expecting just one visitor. I said: “Is this a threesome? Is this your birthday present or mine?!” Turns out the visitor was an artist, who did a sketch of the two of us, naked. It hangs in our bathroom now. Alan thinks outside the box in that way, which is one of the many things I love about him. Neither of us expected to find this quality of intimacy at this stage of our lives.
Alan, 60
I had known Janet for about 20 years before we first had sex and, if I’m honest, I never thought I stood a chance with her.
Janet is a glamorous woman of the world. What could she possibly want with a dickhead like me? I would go over to her house sometimes in the evening and we would moan about our bad divorces, but I would always end up walking home alone, after giving her a very chaste peck on the cheek.
Then one night we ended up in her bedroom and the sex felt so intuitive and loving, if you can say “loving” when it’s that early on in a relationship. Janet has a rare confidence in her body and in herself. It must have been only the third time we had sex when she brought a vibrator out of her cabinet. I thought: that’s terrific!
It was the polar opposite of my previous experiences. I was used to doing it with the lights off. I hadn’t seen my ex-partner naked for the last three years of our marriage. Janet likes being naked so much she will sometimes boil the kettle starkers. It’s contagious.
Janet says she has “created a monster”. For her last birthday I hired an artist to paint us together, on our sofa, in the nude.
We have been together for seven years and probably have sex once a week. It would be more if Janet liked morning sex, but she doesn’t. In my younger days I might have made an issue out of a thing like that, but the great thing about getting into a relationship in your 50s is you don’t let meaningless things become an issue. Janet prefers sex in the evenings – and I don’t see it as a rejection of me.
We speak honestly if we ever have a little disagreement, so we get over it fast and that all leads to better sex. What I love is that Janet and I are so comfortable with each other. Sometimes I will even sort myself out in bed next to her in the morning, while she’s reading the paper. It’s strangely romantic.
Would you and your partner like to share the story, anonymously, of your sex life? Email sexlives@theguardian.com with a brief outline of what you get up to in the bedroom
