Anya, 32
I feel like a greedy sex monster, which is strangely a turn-on
Mo is unusually tall, which is exciting. I’m 5ft 10in myself and I have spent my life dating men who were ever-so-slightly shorter than me. As a result I have a long-term hip problem, having learned to stand with my hip artfully cocked to create the illusion that the man I was standing next to was in fact taller than me. I always felt like I might be squishing them, but with Mo I sometimes feel like he might accidentally squish me to death in the heat of the moment.
We have sex on average once a week, down from once a day when we met, 1½ years ago. Mo has a rule where we don’t do it unless we are both in a position to impress. He thinks bad sex breeds bad sex. So we usually do it in the daytime, on a weekend, and we each have a bath before we get started. He is very funny and also uninhibited – the kind of person who would sing out loud walking down the street. I love this about him, and it really comes to the fore in bed. He gives every moment his complete attention and is never embarrassed by what he wants us to do together.
I don’t think I’m a very inhibited person, but before I met him I would at least regulate the noises I made in bed or think about the way my body looked in certain positions. Now I don’t think of anything like that – and it has made sex newly ecstatic.
One recurring argument we have is that I want to have sex more than he does. I would probably be up for it every day. He has a skin condition on his penis area, which he says is the main reason he doesn’t want to do it, but when I am feeling less confident and more paranoid I suspect him of using the condition as an excuse. Sometimes when I initiate, he says no (very sweetly) and I get sad.
In some ways, though, I like the dynamic where I want it all the time and he occasionally deigns to give it to me. It makes me feel like this greedy sex monster, which is sometimes a bit horrible but also, strangely, a turn-on. It’s a thrill to love and want someone this much. I have never experienced anything close to it before.
Mo, 34
It can be quite surprising how dirty our sex can be at times
Anya is tall, gorgeous and curvaceous, all of which I enjoy sexually, especially the curvaceous part: I enjoy squeezing and grabbing all the sexy, abundant parts of her body. We connect really well during sex, and I feel comfortable to express myself and play around with whatever comes into my head in the moment.
We have quite a playful and fun relationship in general, but it’s still surprising how dirty our sex can be in the things we say or do or pretend. We often laugh about it afterwards.
Like in most relationships, the quantity of our sex has decreased over time – but the quality certainly hasn’t, which I think is by far the most important thing. When we were first dating I felt it necessary that we had sex at least twice each time we met; now, a year and a bit on, we have it once a week. This upsets Anya, which is understandable, but I like to see sex as special. I’m not interested in having a tired, throwaway midweek shag. Having sex once a week means I can give it my full attention and energy. It feels more exciting and deeper this way.
Also, I suffer from a skin condition called psoriasis, which until recently only affected my scalp and chest. It’s now decided to appear on my groin, which is extremely inconvenient and embarrassing. I know Anya doesn’t mind, but it is still upsetting to me and sometimes painful.
For it to clear up, I have to stop masturbating and limit the amount of sex so it can heal. But I have needs! So when it’s nearly healed, Anya and I have sex, which unfortunately aggravates the condition. This has impacted our sex life. We’d definitely be having more sex if I didn’t have psoriasis, but I don’t think it would make our relationship stronger or weaker. The fact is, every time we have sex, it’s perfect – and I want to keep it that way.
Would you and your partner like to share the story, anonymously, of your sex life? Email sexlives@theguardian.com with a brief outline of what you get up to in the bedroom
