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The Canberra Times
The Canberra Times
Bageshri Savyasachi

This Barbie forgot Ken, but he will always remember her

Canberra's Ken Dean met his Barbie when he walked into her work, a chemist's shop, with an infected foot.

It was 1969, he was on holidays, and as soon as he set his eyes on her, he knew he wanted her to be part of her world.

Mr Dean would return each day and "pester" the future Mrs Barbara Dean, until she agreed to have dinner with him.

"They saw each other once more I think, in between, and then came back to Canberra and got engaged. That was it. They were together ever since and they were pretty much inseparable," their daughter, Melinda Bower said.

Canberra couple Ken and Barbara 'Barbie' Dean met in 1969. Picture supplied

Less than a year before the soulmates celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in April 2019, Mrs Dean was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and her memory significantly deteriorated.

Mr Dean soon went from being her Ken to a "fat old grey-haired man" she no longer recognised.

"I think we realised how bad the dementia really was and how much my dad was a having to put in for care for her, like how much he covered for her," Ms Bower said.

Barbara Dean when she was 18-years-old. Picture supplied

Mrs Dean kept trying to escape home and was frequently found on other people's properties. She also became aggressive towards her husband thinking a stranger had broken into her home. It eventually became too difficult for Mr Dean to be a full-time carer and the family decided it was time to find her an aged care home.

"During COVID, we weren't allowed to visit [Mrs Dean]. But my dad would still visit her every day, taking her an ice cream to feed her," Ms Bower said.

Melinda Bower, who is grieving her mother, has matching 'I'll remember for you' tattoos with her nieces. Picture by Gary Ramage

She described her mum's illness as a "horrible disease" that made her forget her loved ones, and become stubborn and violent towards people who were looking after her.

Ms Bower and her sisters tended to visit their mother together, for moral support. She said the grandchildren stopped coming as their "nan" didn't see them the same way.

"Sometimes they were good visits and we would walk out smiling after getting a kiss from her, and other times we'd almost get punched on the way out," she said.

'Ken and Barbie' with their six grandchildren in March 2018. Picture supplied

Mrs Dean refused to eat and would spend hours walking around restlessly whereas before her illness, she loved to sit and read. She weighed less than 30 kilos before she died at the Warrigal aged care home in October 2023, after being cared for by "amazing" staff.

Ms Bower said she had mourned her mother twice. "Dementia is grieving your loved one while they are here, only to grieve them again when they're gone," she said.

Data collected in 2019 revealed the illness was the leading cause of death in Canberra.

The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare estimated there were more than 400,000 Australians living with the dementia, and peak body Dementia Australia said there were about 1.6 million people involved in their care.

Melinda Bower with her late mother Barbara Dean and her sister Justine and brother Bradley. Picture supplied

Ms Bower and her sister Justine have raised $33,000 in the last two years to help find a cure and facilitate further research. About 20 members from the 'Dean Team' have participated in the Canberra Memory Walk and Jog at Lake Burley Griffin since its inception in 2022.

Some members of the family also have matching 'I'll remember for you' and elephant tattoos in memory of Mrs Dean. The animal is used as a symbol of awareness for Alzheimer's and dementia (because an elephant never forgets).

Melinda Bower's tribute tattoo. Picture by Gary Ramage

"We used to wear the Dementia Australia T-shirts, which are always either bright yellow, orange, or green, and we had Barbie - a picture of mum on the back," Ms Bower said. "We had a big crowd, so it was always a fun day. You try not have the sad memories."

As this year's walk, on February 25, will be the first one since her mother's death, Ms Bower will volunteer instead of walking. She and her family will be cheering on walkers and joggers, to lend the same support she received in the final years of her mother's illness.

Those interested in participating can visit www.memorywalk.com.au/register/canberra to register for the event.

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