Adultery is the fuel that instantly incinerates all bridges. It destroys everyone beyond repair, and all attempts to make amends only reopen old wounds.
This woman would know. Her husband cheated on her with her best friend, ruining all of their lives. However, the man has been trying to use their children as emotional support for a crisis he’s been dealing with.
Now a divorcee, the author has been strong in her efforts to distance her kids from their dad, but she wonders if her actions may be too harsh and spiteful.
It would be difficult to repair a relationship destroyed by infidelity
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A woman has yet to recover after her husband had an affair with her best friend
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The man recently contacted her, asking to spend time with their children
Image credits: Blake Cheek / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
She refused to let him use the kids as his emotional support during a time of crisis
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He responded with some manipulative tactics
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However, she remains firm in her decision
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Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Infidelity has short-term and long-term impacts on the children
The author may be doing her part in trying to keep the same image of family for the sake of her children, but experts say it still affects them.
Dr. Talal Alsaleem is a marriage counselor who specializes in infidelity counseling. In his conversation with Business Insider, he mentioned some short-term impacts, which include poor grooming and hygiene due to the lack of attention they are receiving from their parents.
They may miss school or social functions and be exhausted from sleepless nights brought on by the fallout of the affair. Depression may also kick in through irritable behavior.
“They don’t know what is going on in their house, and their cognitive and emotional bandwidth is really preoccupied with what is going on with their parents,” Dr. Alsaleem explained.
Then, there are the long-term effects, which may affect sexual development. According to Dr. Alsaleem, the child may grow up with unanswered questions. In some cases, the affected kid may also commit infidelity as an adult.
The author says she isn’t planning to ruin the image of her husband to her kids, which is likely why she hasn’t told them about the affair. For experts like Dr. Alsaleem, this is the right move to protect the children.
However, parents must also make assurances that they are working on resolving the problem.
“Children should learn that things might go wrong in life, but it is the responsibility of adults to fix it,” psychologist and mental health counselor Dr. Ana Nogales told Today’s Parents.
If parents continue to shield their children from the ugly truth, they must maintain the status quo. For the author, that means giving in to her husband’s request. It will be a bitter pill to swallow, but it’s something she has to do.
However, therapy would be the best option to help everyone cope. As Dr. Alsaleem explains, “There is potentially a lot of damage, and children need a place to safely explore the impact an affair may have had on them.”
Most readers were on the woman’s side
While some faulted her for acting “from a place of jealousy”
