When many of us think about a concept like “boundaries,” we tend to think of abusive partners or overbearing friends. But the first place where we really need to consider drawing lines in the sand is with family. It might be hard or uncomfortable, but nothing can ruin familial relationships than relatives who think they can say and do anything they want.
A woman vented to the internet about her sister and her family who would regularly use her home like a hotel and ignore a large part of her house rules. We reached out to the woman in the story via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
Frequent houseguests can very easily overstep their welcome
Image credits: Muffin Creatives (not the actual photo)
A woman wondered what to do about her sister who would visit all the time
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Matheus Bertelli (not the actual photo)
Image source: Remote-Caramel7707
People visiting your home can sometimes be too much of a good thing
Image credits: Nicole Michalou (not the actual photo)
An overstaying houseguest is in many ways a bit of a nightmare. After all, you generally wouldn’t let a stranger stay with you, so most of the time, houseguests are friends and family. On paper, this might seem like it’s wonderful, having people you love around is generally the recipe for a good time.
Similarly, it’s also a good feeling to be able to host people and be useful. But just like visiting your parents for Christmas, after a few days, you start to really remember why living alone is not just a benefit, but a necessity. “My house, my rules” might sound so strict and draconian as a child, but when you’ve grown up, you get it.
For example, in this story, the sister and her family walk all over the hostesses’ house rules. Perhaps they don’t take them seriously, or they have decided that, c’mon, we’re family! It’s true that we do tend to extend more grace to our family, but, conversely, this also means that they might behave in ways that would get anyone else kicked out. Sometimes, family simply expects their relatives to always go above and beyond, for free, no less and can’t understand that it’s sometimes too much.
This is a question that has vexed hosts for a long time. You could give them a stern lecture and just kick them out. That would probably work, but it would probably come at the cost of ending this relationship. Unfortunately, the sort of guests who are emotionally aware enough to not take it personally will probably not overstay their welcome in the first place.
Boundaries are necessary for any healthy relationship to last
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
Some folks suggest always being clear about time frames before the guests even arrive. However, the unfortunate truth is that if your family doesn’t understand boundaries, then your timeframes are more of a suggestion than a rule. While it might seem a bit harsh, ultimately, it’s better in any relationship if all parties involved understand what lines should not be touched.
Because of the framing of this story, it’s already clear this woman might have some issues here. She is legitimately asking if she is overreacting to wanting to enforce rules in her own home. On top of that, her guests were a negative influence on her child and pulled a “prank” that was downright cruel and horrible. Often it’s one’s in-laws that tend to be more unreasonable, not your siblings.
Boundaries are also important here because she has a pretty significant reason to keep her family in her life. Her kids like them and family is still family. That being said, it’s no reason to be a slob, particularly in someone else’s home. The woman needs to set rules and be willing to enforce them. As hard as this might be with family, it’s ultimately good to do in the long run, for everyone’s sanity.
This might cause the aforementioned “drama,” but it’s worth considering this situation from another perspective. If the sister is willing to cut ties over rules like “don’t make a mess,” it’s then worth considering if this relationship has any value at all. Your family doesn’t owe you anything just for existing, and that’s even more true when it comes to siblings.
Readers did their best to console the woman in the comments
Most people thought she was not at all overreacting
