An NBC News story making the rounds this week made us wonder if a come-to-Jesus moment about Florida is in order — if Jesus is termites and swamp a**.
The big picture: Among Florida's massive influx of new residents were at least a few who gave up on their Sunshine State dreams, per the report, pointing to issues including hurricanes, polarizing politics and high insurance costs.
- Longtime residents who've departed cited similar struggles, plus discomfort over Florida's increasingly conservative policies, such as the six-week abortion ban going into effect next month.
Yes, but: Some of the critiques were less … urgent.
Case in point: "One of the first signs Barb Carter's move to Florida wasn't the postcard life she'd envisioned was the armadillo infestation in her home that caused $9,000 in damages," the piece begins.
- Barb, we're sorry to hear that. But let your plight serve as a cautionary tale: Living here means an extraordinary amount of brain space and money will be spent on how to keep pests away from you.
- We just told y'all about the plant-destroying grasshoppers. Spring means swarming termites, summer means ants pouring into your house from every orifice.
- Rats, armadillos, herpes-carrying monkeys, rabid raccoons, alligators in pools, alligators in garages, alligators IN YOUR HOUSE. We've got it all.
Yes, and: "I thought the pace would be a little bit quieter, I thought it would be warmer," a Connecticut transplant told NBC. "I didn't expect it to be literally 100 degrees at night."
- Florida has a winter: It's summer. Temperatures don't climb to desert levels, but the humidity brings a knife-twist that makes going outside from May through much of October a regrettable decision — yes, even at night.
- Here in Tampa Bay, even the Gulf becomes a hot tub, and those white sandy beaches y'all love so much become moot.
A few more issues to note: Sinkholes, sinking land and that time St. Petersburg had to clean up literal tons of dead fish killed by red tide.
- Oh, and for the guy in the NBC story concerned about permitless carry, wait until you hear about stand your ground.
The bottom line: Everyone has their reasons to leave (and reasons to stay!), but let's be clear-eyed about it. Leave your visions of utopia in Connecticut.
