Apparently there's a World Cup final this weekend?
There was a time in my life where I cared about football but sadly that passion has drifted away, as these things do with age.
Yes, I remember the halcyon days of just last week when I loved the beautiful game. I remember the excitement, the enthusiasm, the fevered anticipation of my one-week younger self in the run-up to England's questionable defeat at the hands of an unnamed and frankly unimportant side.
But you change as you grow up, don't you? Since last Saturday night I've felt myself age almost at the same speed that Harry Kane's penalty flew off his boot and into the upper atmosphere.
And, as the ball landed gently on the dark side of one of Saturn's minor moons, I realised something - football doesn't really matter. There's loads of other important things, probably, right?
It was there - in the depths of my grief - that I found salvation. I had an epiphany. I suddenly knew exactly where to turn for the kind of relaxing, engaging and insightful content I needed.
And that brings me, of course, to the MEN's brilliant weekend work.
Because what's worse than having your hopes dashed to pieces and collectively mourning what could have been alongside millions of other miserable, hopeless people? Well, you could try dressing like Father Christmas...
It's the most wonderful time of the year
You might think that pulling on the hat of our most beloved Christmas icon and meeting excited children and their grateful parents is a wonderful way to spend the holiday season.
But, it's not all festive fun and games for our intrepid Santas, as Paul Brighouse, from Salford, told MEN parents editor Emma Gill.
"Parents are the biggest problem", he explained and honestly how can you disagree with that?
"Parents behaviour can sometimes be bad," Paul, a seasoned Santa, told us. "Treating the event like they are filming a documentary, videoing and doing a running commentary. Social media has a lot to answer for - getting that perfect Insta pic."
But it's not all the parents, Paul said. In fact, on one unfortunate and embarrassing occasion his big red disguise was rumbled by his own son.
The young Sherlock Holmes-type shouted 'that's my dad' as he saw Paul's first attempt at emulating St Nick - not great for your confidence I'd imagine.
And, Paul isn't the only one in Greater Manchester using their time to spread some Christmas cheer this year.
It's exactly what it looks like
Earlier this week, one of the MEN's newest recruits Maisie Lawton met a group of mates responsible for what might be the world's rudest pub crawl.
George Frewer and his pals wanted to use their alcohol-fuelled journey as an artist's exhibition. They planned a route which would create quite an interesting design once it was viewed via GPS.
The group labelled their efforts 'A Cock and Ball Story', pretty subtle lads.
George and his mates didn't just set out on this journey for fun, though. They were out for a good cause.
Their efforts were part of a campaign to raise money and awareness for men's health issues. They want to normalise conversations between men about mental health and testicular cancer - a fantastic cause taken up in an unusual way.
While George's trip around Trafford's pubs went off without a hitch, not everyone has been so lucky.
Is it easier to get to Lapland than Saddleworth?
When Stacey Chadderton and her family jetted off to Santa's hometown they were expecting a magical festive holiday experience.
The group had just returned from four nights in Lapland (does anyone actually know where Lapland is?) when they arrived at Manchester Airport. The flight landed just after 3pm on December 11, and the family told the MEN's Paige Oldfield that they were kept off the tarmac for some time due to the air bridge not being ready.
When the unhappy group were finally bundled off their flight they were faced with even more problems in the airport and their suitcases were nowhere to be seen.
The family finally got their luggage bag almost two hours after landing at the airport. The delay meant their pre-booked driver was forced to add extra charges to their bill – with their fare eventually totalling £200 to get home to Saddleworth.
“It was very, very stressful,” Stacey told the M.E.N. “We were extremely annoyed, grumpy and frustrated.
“There was no food for the children, no free water, absolutely nothing. It was disgraceful. There were all these children when we came back, they are back in school tomorrow. We had no one to complain to."
Spokespeople for the airport and baggage firm Swissport apologised for the family's experience.
Some bitter and disappointed England fans might hope that the France side face a similar experience after being dumped out of the World Cup on Saturday afternoon.
Not me though, obviously, I'm totally fine with it. I never even liked football anyway.
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