In October 2008, Gwyneth Paltrow sat down at her kitchen table in London and wrote her first ever lifestyle and wellness newsletter. Entitled Goop, every week it featured personal recommendations from Paltrow including the best reflexologist in Notting Hill to her favourite recipe for banana nut muffins.
Fifteen years later and Goop has gone on to become a fully fledged lifestyle brand said to be worth more than £200m. Alongside the weekly newsletter, there are clothing and beauty lines, a podcast, two Netflix shows and an annual “wellness summit.”
Regularly dispensing what are at best dubious and at worst downright dangerous health claims, Paltrow has garnered a cult following of both fans and critics. To celebrate its anniversary, here are 15 of the more absurd things we’ve learned from Goop.
1. There is a great way to divorce
Announcing her split from Chris Martin in 2014, Paltrow made the greatest contribution to the therapy speak lexicon of all time. This wasn’t a divorce, she told readers: it was “a conscious uncoupling”.
2. You are probably yawning wrong
In 2015, Paltrow posted a five-step guide to yawning. Consulting Michael Lear, a “yogi and important quarterback for mindfulness and meditation”, the first step involves (surprise, surprise) opening your mouth. Readers are then encouraged to “reach and extend” into a yawn, “riding the yawn to stretch the jaw muscles.” This step is to be repeated 8-10 times until “the lacrimal glands around the eye are squeezed and tearing is induced.” Remember it’s not rude, it’s “important.”
3. How to deal with a parasite inside you
The solution? Drink raw goat’s milk for eight days straight. Quizzing a naturopath for advice, they suggest that “an eight-day, mono-diet goat-milk cleanse — accompanied by a specific vermifuge made of anti-parasitic herbs — is the most successful treatment.”
4. And it turns out we all have an “insidious yeast infection”
The many yet vague list of symptoms include bloating, dandruff, sugar cravings, a bad memory and fatigue. Diagnosis includes something called a urine organix dysbiosis test, while treatment involves limiting yourself to one piece of fruit a day and “overpowering the yeast” with anti-fungal supplements.
5. Stick to scrambled rather than jade eggs
In 2017, Paltrow suggested women should insert a $66 egg shaped jade or rose quartz stone into their vagina to help “increase vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance, and feminine energy in general.” Users were encouraged to thread dental floss through a purpose-built hole to help with releasing the egg. After facing backlash from gynaecologists over its dubious health claims and potential harmful results including toxic shock syndrome, Goop settled a $145,000 lawsuit for “unsubstantiated” marketing claims.
6. A lot of people are curious about Paltrow’s vagina
Just before the pandemic, Paltrow released a £61 This Smells Like My Vagina candle. Featuring a blend of geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar, it sold out within hours. Paltrow later claimed it was “a punk rock feminist statement”. Tell that to Patti Smith.
7. Water has feelings
Reading this with a cold glass of water? It’s time to start sweet talking. In a 2014 newsletter, Paltrow implored readers to consider the impact that unkind words may have on water’s molecular structure. Her evidence? Reading a coffee table book from the water author Masuru Emoto.
8. Bra burning isn’t just for the sixties
To free yourself from memories of your exes, Paltrow suggests burning your bras. In an “empowering lingerie manifesto”, the relationship expert Suzannah Galland outlines how “lingerie can carry the negative energy and memories of past flames.” The solution? Light a fire, toss your bras in and “know that your past is recycling into the ethers, liberating your future.”
9. Rectums need therapy too
A 2018 detox guide recommended an at-home coffee enema kit to stimulate users’ intestines from the comfort of their own home. A couple of years later, while hooked up to a vitamin drip on The Art of Being Well podcast, Paltrow revealed she had also “used ozone therapy, rectally,” a procedure which involves pumping oxygen via catheter into the colon. Scientists immediately dismissed Paltrow’s health claims.
10. Paltrow won’t be getting an invite from Nasa any time soon
In 2017, Goop suggested that anyone who wanted to “rebalance the energy frequency in our bodies” should try placing Body Vibes stickers on their arms or near their heart. The site claimed the stickers ($120 for a pack of 24) were “made with the same conductive carbon material Nasa uses to line space suits so they can monitor an astronaut’s vitals”. A fact that was quickly debunked when Nasa confirmed that they “do not have any conductive carbon material lining the spacesuits.”
11. The annual gift guide is as Goopy as it gets
Highlights over the years include a bag of $75 “free range” animal manure, a $28,500 sex dungeon leather chaise longue, a six pack of neon toilet paper, a leather bag specifically designed to carry a watermelon in, a “veterinary dermatologist” approved hair dye kit for dogs, a $15,000 24-carat gold-plated vibrator, a glittery Ouija board and a 12-minute “personalised soul song”.
12. Nigella need not fret
Paltrow’s recipes in the past 15 years include spirulina popcorn, carrot juice margaritas, potent chocolate sex bark, “clean” dumplings featuring cabbage leaves instead of dough as wrappers – and many, many bone broths.
13. People paid £5,000 to go on a wellness cruise
The nine-day excursion sailing along the south of France and the Italian riviera in 2022 involved custom detox smoothies, yoga, group tarot readings and a 51-minute appearance from Paltrow herself.
14. Crystals are a bigger threat than AI
In 2016, the site ran an interview with Colleen McCann, a fashion stylist turned shamanic energy medicine practitioner.
“I think of crystals as a timeless database of knowledge, because they retain all the information they have ever been exposed to,” McCann revealed. “Crystals absorb information — whether a severe weather pattern, or the experience of an ancient ceremony — and pass it to anyone that comes into contact with them.”
Going on to explain the benefits of certain crystals, a footnote was later added to the piece stating that rather than being read as facts, the benefits were “the opinions of fans of the product.”
15. But being dismissive of Goop is “the most dangerous practice of all”
In 2017, in a 2,500 word essay, Goop’s editors and contributing doctors dismissed criticism of its support of unorthodox health practices. Defending advice such as those jade eggs or that walking barefoot could cure depression, the letter called out “indiscriminate attacks that question the motivation and integrity of the doctors who contribute to the site”. Said to be the first in a series and a space for doctors to respond “in a respectful and substantive manner,” six years later we are still waiting for the next instalment.
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