The Hollywood truism goes: don’t work with children or animals. What is it like working with Zac and Buster, the two dogs who play Colin?
Patrick Brammall: Good. The roles they are playing are not a stretch. They are usually the most professional actors on set every time.
Harriet Dyer: They’re your supermarket brand good boys. In one episode, Patty had to manipulate the dog’s mouth and do silly accents and the dog just let him do it for like 20 minutes. I would have bitten you.
What has been your most cringeworthy run-in with a celebrity?
PB: I saw Ewan McGregor at this thing in Los Angeles. I was like, I’m going to go up to Ewan McGregor and tell him that Long Way Around inspired me to start riding a motorbike. I now love motorbikes. But as I was tapping him on the shoulder, I knew I’d made the wrong decision. I said, “Hey mate, I just want to say … ” and I just started mumbling about motorbikes. And he turned away! I left that function pretty quickly. I mean, what did he care? I was just another white guy telling him, “Now I have a Thruxton!”
What is the weirdest thing you’ve done for love?
PB: We got married, had a baby and did a show all at the same time. That’s pretty weird.
HD: I wouldn’t recommend it.
PB: It’s gone well for us but it’s pretty weird. It’s not natural to do all that together.
HD: I remember being in year 7 and I really liked a guy called Nick. Do you remember that Nickelodeon had a song that went [sings] “Nickelodeon Nation”? I was swinging around a pole singing, “Nickelodeon Nation, I love Nick. Nick loves me, Nickelodeon Nation” – hoping that he’d recognise I was singing about him. It was so horrible. He just walked away and I was left there, just swinging on a little pole.
PB: [pityingly] Oh, mate.
What do you do when you can’t get to sleep?
HD: It sounds silly. I literally count sheep jumping over a fence. [complete silence] No one else? Am I a psycho?
PB: No one else! I just toss and turn until I go to sleep.
HD: I fall asleep pretty much straight away. I always ask Patty if I looked adorable when he came to bed.
PB: She always is.
HD: How adorable was I last night?
PB: So adorable. Can barely go to sleep for looking at you.
What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?
HD: My grandmother Joan: “What is for you won’t go past you.” Bang on every time. You cannot poke a hole in that.
PB: I’m gonna be making it up, sorry. I don’t have anything
HD: “Use eye cream” – said by your wife three weeks ago?
PB: That was pretty good advice. Paying divs tonight.
What is the ideal length of men’s shorts?
PB: I don’t think we talk about this enough. Thank you for bringing it up. Let’s do this. [stands up and gestures mid-thigh] I think the short short is coming back for men.
HD: You should wear them more, you have good pins. You know, there was a man in Townsville who had an ice-cream van and his shorts were a little shorter than that and he didn’t wear undies. And when he was like, “Do you want nuts on that?” – it was borderline. I hope they arrested him.
PB: I hope he is not still selling ice-cream to kids.
If you had a sandwich named after you, what would be in it?
HD: It’s salami. It’s olive tapenade. It’s mozzarella. It’s mushrooms. It’s basically like a capricciosa pizza. You could even do capers, anchovies – it is a salt assault.
PB: Sharp cheddar, tomato, mustard, Branston pickle, on sourdough. Bit of a ploughman’s vibe.
HD: You probably want a boiled egg.
PB: What the hell are you talking about?
Do you have a party trick?
PB: I can juggle.
HD: There’s also that thing you do on the dancefloor that we probably can’t say. With the cat.
PB: Oh yeah. No, no.
HD: It’s an intense mime he does. He has stopped doing it at parties. I’m pretty good at karaoke. I’ve got a decent set of pipes.
What’s your go-to karaoke song?
HD: All I Want for Christmas Is You, at any time of year.
PB: My go-to karaoke song is The Confrontation from Les Misérables.
HD: The guy who does songs from musicals at karaoke needs help.
PB: He’s a cool guy.
Who do you want to play you in the biopic of your life?
PB: Ryan Reynolds. And it is a big budget flick.
HD: Goodness. Carey Mulligan? Maybe someone funnier. Natalie Portman, because we look so alike. Actually, Scarlett Johansson – we always get mistaken for each other. Actually no – Olivia Colman. If you see this, Olivia, do me, babes.
Both seasons of Colin from Accounts are streaming on Binge in Australia. Season one is available on BBC iPlayer in the UK and Paramount Plus in the US
