A man from Bridgend was struggling heavily with the pain of losing his dad in February, 2019. Rob Lester, 49, was determined not to be consumed by the feeling, but found it very confronting to tackle grief head on.
“Grief can affect you in lots of different ways, it can be from moving, or job loss, or a relationship as well as death and it was very hard,“ Rob explained. "And we do need to get better at talking about it.
"How do I feel now? I still miss him and think he's an amazing man, and that will not change. There are moments where I think about something he did or something that reminds me of him and I might sit and reflect on that or sometimes get more emotional, but I've learned how to separate that now with other parts of my life." You can get more health and wellbeing news and other story updates straight to your inbox by subscribing to our newsletters here.
Rob lost his dad to pulmonary fibrosis, a degenerative lung disease and was told that he would have to wait three months for bereavement counselling. He was confused as to how he would be able to look after his mental health during this time, and reached out to his GP in early March, 2019, who referred him to a bereavement charity.
But the charity then informed him they had no appointments available until June, three months later. He became more in tune to the lack of support available and felt like he wanted to do something to change this.
Rob was also shocked at the growing male suicide rates, and used local Facebook groups to put out feelers for a men's mental wellbeing group to see if people would be willing to meet up and talk about their lives. He used local Facebook groups from all over Bridgend to connect men, and advocate for them to have positive mental health.
The conversation began to grow, and he called it Lads & Dads. And they are now on track to continue well into the future. Rob said: "It's quite an interesting paradox really, that something positive has come out of it. The reasons that people come here are for all sorts of different reasons and not just grief, and it's been amazing to be able to help people through their own issues. I think what helps is that quite often none of these men know each other. It makes it a bit easier to be honest."
One of the project's aims is to provide people with perspective in a more natural setting, which Rob has also noticed can help them to feel at ease to share what they are going through.
He said: "The thing about this project is that I think location makes a difference as well. Each conversation is very individual, and it is very dependent on the person, and the tone of the message they are parting."
Now into its third year, the group has over 1,700 active members with 12 committee members that work hard to ensure they can remain effective. The idea behind it is to create a space where men can have open conversations with people they do not know personally.
They also take part in sea dips, work on allotments and get involved in wellbeing events in local community centres. While it started out as just being focused on getting men outdoors to socialise and talk honestly, Rob said they had now got comfortable enough to want to talk more in-depth about their feelings.
Rob added: "It's interesting because the conversations that we do have when we're out and about are very meaningful. What this project does is help create an environment where it's easier to talk bout the harder stuff. But what some people have also been asking for now is to have some of those conversations just in a room. More like a group session, where we talk even more about what's going on in our minds which I hadn't expected.
"It's been amazing getting out and doing things together, and I think it helps people out more on a long term level. We do sometimes go to the pub and have a drink or two, but the reason I think that doesn't make people feel better if you're relying on just that is because that's just short term relief.
"If you go out to the pub with your friends and decide to open up with them, you often forget to actually do that, and if you do you might forget what was said. But this other stuff helps people long term."
They have also received support from companies like one of the UK's leading rail contractors, providing specialist services in rail engineering, infrastructure, electrification, design and training- QTS. Some of its workers got involved and put their feelings on the line.
Gary Burnett, operations director for QTS, said: "When we heard about the great work that Lads & Dads do within Bridgend and beyond, we knew we wanted to help somehow. Our team has enjoyed the experience of working at the allotment and learning more about the group and how it helps men with their mental wellbeing.
“Having the opportunity to carry out positive social value in the community is also a really great thing for our team to be a part of for their own mental health and wellbeing, so we were glad to be of assistance in this project.”
To get Bridgend stories straight to your inbox, subscribe to our daily newsletter here.
Read next:
Man on charity walk saves woman's life after finding her on cliff edge
Homelessness charity says there are people in Cardiff living in their cars whilst working
Volunteers urgently needed for award winning charity to continue
Rugby player, 17, found dead after having no history of mental health concerns
