The passing of the Queen has made many of us reflect and mourn our own losses.
Especially for those, like me, who lost loved ones to the coronavirus pandemic - a time when so many people were going through such raw emotions - the current mood feels somewhat familiar, and isn’t easy.
Nothing prepares you for the death of a loved one. I certainly wasn’t prepared when my dear dad Emmanuel passed away on Sunday April 5, 2020.
The UK was at the very early stages of the pandemic, with my dad being one of the early casualties of a terrible disease the world was still trying to make sense of.
What was always going to be a horrible experience was made even more difficult by the national lockdown imposed by the government to try and curb the rapidly increasing death toll.
This meant my family and others in similar situations weren’t allowed to visit our relatives while they were in hospital. So, I didn’t get to see my dad in the last few days of his time on earth.
The thought of him lying there alone, scared and confused in the hospital with none of us there to hold his hand and tell him we loved him in his final moments, is something I don’t think I will ever get over.
Five weeks later his funeral was limited to only a handful of people with no wake afterwards to feel the comfort and hugs of family or friends.
Processing such a huge loss against the backdrop of a global pandemic was surreal to say the least.
The country’s collective heartbreak of so much loss, and the uncertainty and fear about this being the ‘new normal’ was both terrifying and sobering.
The same Sunday my dad passed away, 24 million viewers watched a TV broadcast from the Queen as she reassured a broken-hearted nation in a poignant address, which included the encouragement: “We should take comfort that while we may have more still to endure, better days will return”.
A year later, she herself was pictured sitting alone at Windsor at the funeral of her husband Prince Philip, social distancing restrictions still in place.
It was a sombre sight, and a time where she herself no doubt had to dig deep to find courage and strength in those same words she spoke to her subjects just a year earlier.
Now, following her own death, her family and the nation must find some solace in hope for those better days ahead, the secret softener to mourning as I sadly know only too well.
Whatever your views on the royals, there is no denying an overwhelming atmosphere of sadness has descended on the country since the news of the Queen’s death.
As Britain’s longest reigning queen or king, at 70 years, nine out of every 10 people in the world have never known a British monarch other than Elizabeth II.
So the reaction was always going to be immense. For many she’s been like a distant family member – she’s always been here and now she’s not, which will take some getting used to.
The hordes of people who have been drawn to the gate of Buckingham Palace to feel some sort of connection, and the tens of thousands who have queued hours long hours and miles to view her coffin before she is finally laid to rest, have personified what it means to be a nation in mourning.
And then, of course, there is the royal family, including new King Charles, who have been forced to grieve very publicly, as they meet with the public and show strength to and for the country over which their mother and grandmother reigned for so long.
I think of my dad every day, but the past 11 days has intensified that pain. However, time has indeed shown me that there are truly better days ahead.
