For years, “Quattro” was the coolest way to describe four of something thanks to the audacious all-wheel-drive system that elevated Audi to rallycross supremacy in the 1980s. Obviously, all that went out the window with the release of the Alien Quadrilogy DVD box set in 2003, but even in EU-rejecting 2016 the word retains a certain continental cool.
How best to remind potential buyers of that zippy-but-grippy excitement? According to Audi’s new ad, the perfect vehicle is 1970s Britcom Are You Being Served? Soundtracked by the cash-till clunks and proto-Siri customer service announcements of the original theme, a sleek A4 saloon prowls around a department store expansive enough to contain a food hall, a toy department and what looks like half a Dobbies garden centre. Turns out Quattro know-how is not just for zipping around treacherous Welsh mud tracks – it can negotiate the late-night milk run too.
Unfortunately, the vehicle’s steering is so precise that the main thrill of watching a car speed down supermarket aisles – the prospect of seeing it crash into a precariously stacked baked bean display – is completely swerved. All in all, it feels a bit more Aldi than Audi.
