Every now and then, the internet comes together to cheer on the sidelines of some bizarre, nonpolitical competition. There’s Fat Bear Week; there was the Boaty McBoatface name competition; there’s the New Zealand Bird of the Year, which was most recently won by a bat, a land mammal that evolved to fly at a different point in natural history than birds; and now, the U.S.A. Mullet Championship Kids division, which started in 2020, has penetrated the mainstream.
For a $10 entry fee (with a portion going to charity, including the Michigan Wig Foundation), parents around the country can enter their mulleted children in an online competition to show their flow. Now, an elite 25 finalists, with names like Axel and Ridge and Rustin, are battling for the title of the country’s best kid mullet.
Finalist Landry Turpin shaved an American flag into the side of his head. It’s not just business in the front and party in the back, it’s patriotism on the side. There’s also a finalist named “Epic Orta.” Howmanyofme.com says there is “one or fewer” Epic Ortas alive in the United States, in case you were wondering. Emmitt Bailey, who is also known as “Mullet Boy” according to an NBC local station, says that if he wins, he’ll use his $2,500 prize money to buy a go-cart. These kids seem like they could eat some chili.; they seem like they were born with an innate ability to drive a four-wheeler; maybe they should have trading cards.
Mullets, mullets everywhere
— On Tuesday, the U.S.A Mullet Championship was catapulted to fame by Twitter user @piscesgurl69 who wrote “obsessed with the kids who made the finals of the U.S.A. Mullet Championships and their absolutely fucked up names” with some mullet photos. THE USA Mullet Championship’s official Facebook page, with an astonishing 93,000 followers, acknowledges the newfound wave of attention in a post on Wednesday morning: “The Kids Contest has officially went viral! Wow !”
It’s worth noting that the term “mullet” has only been around for three decades; Oxford English Dictionary says it was popularized by the Beastie Boys’ song “Mullet Head,” which came out in 1994, well after 1970s mullets like David Bowie’s and Paul McCartney’s had swept the nation. The U.S.A. Mullet Championship’s online Hall of Fame features Billy Ray Cyrus, Bono, Mario Lopez, and nine other public figures who have partied in the back. The hairstyle itself is ancient and, surprisingly, banned in Iran.
You can cast your online ballot for the Kid’s division by Friday, August 19. Voting is open for the teen division, too, which features names like Dayson, Leonard, and Cash Mccoy, whose lush, orange mulleted locks seem fit for a 1985 Camaro or a John Hughes movie.
