Prime Minister Anthony Albanese proclaimed Australia will be a glow-stick carrier on the world stage.
Albo said the exact cost of the nuclear submarine fleet is “between $268 billion or $368 billion, precisely”.
But a Liberal spin-proctologist warned: “100 billion here, 100 billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money.”
Albo likened the investment to the rise of the car industry after World War II, obviously hoping that after World War III we’ll make a fortune from the booming personal submarine industry.
When asked about the disastrous effect on the national debt, he said, “The best way to eradicate $1 trillion debt is transform it to $2 trillion.”
Most of the money will be paid to America because they’re our friends, until Donald Trump returns.
A US arms trader said, “That’s the thing about America’s Military Industrial Complex – it’s not complex. Give us the cash or the puppy gets it!”
RIVALS SAVING ON SPY BALLOONS BY WATCHING DEFENCE PRESS CONFERENCES
Defence minister Richard Marles & Marles is tight-lipped about the nuclear submarines. “We’ve only mentioned what kind they are, also where, how and when they’ll be built.”
US President Joe ‘Too Old To Die’ Biden believes the subs will bring stability, saying: “Nothing like a fleet of nuclear-laden vessels to calm our neighbours.”
The Prime Minister said 8000 South Australians will get jobs building the submarines, though they don’t know how and the Americans won’t tell them.
A United States Admiral said, “Y’see, if the submarines don’t exist, they’ll be harder to detect. Mind you, that costs extra.”
Frankly, it’d be cheaper to purchase a few dozen loose lips to achieve the same result.
DUTTON SINKS NDIS TO PROTECT THE VULNERABLE
Opposition Leader Peter Dutton Upstairs said the Coalition will pay for new submarines by gutting the NDIS.
To compensate, the subs will be manned by people with disabilities.
The Coalition will cut “unsustainable” costs such as hospitals, Medicare and roads. “All roads lead to Australia. And we’re already there.”
A Liberal party spokeswoman said the education department is a waste of money. “Face it, Aussie kids are stupid. If they were smart, they wouldn’t need an education.”
In other news…
- MALCOLM TURNBULL JUST AS RELEVANT NOW AS WHEN HE WAS PM
- NEWSPAPER THAT TRUMPETED WAR IN THREE YEARS TRUMPETS DEAL THAT’LL DELIVER SUBS IN TEN
- ALICE IN WONDERLAND CANCELLED FOR CALLING HATTER ‘MAD’
- NASA UNVEILS SLEEKER SPACESUITS BUT STILL NO PEW-PEW LASER GUNS
- OSCAR SNUBS ‘WOG BOYS’ AGAIN
- HARRY TO ATTEND CORONATION, MEGHAN TO STAY HOME COMPLAINING ABOUT SOMETHING
