Q: Why does the Reserve Bank raise interest rates?
A: So you stop spending your money on food and electricity. (It’s complicated.)
A complete and utter banker refused to apologise for lowering interest rates to lure first-time buyers. “They’ll soon be first-time sellers! At half the price.”
A spokes-speaker speaking in monotone spoke, “There’s no reason to lose interest on my account.”
Not shy about raising interest rates, the Reserve Bank will now be known as the Outspoken Bank.
The Reserve Bank promise to laugh only 1.85 percent of the way to the bank.
NANCY PELOSI LEAST NECESSARY SIGN OF APOCALYPSE
US House of Representatives Speaker Nancy Pelosi has visited Taiwan because Afghanistan worked out so well.
Nancy Pelosi’s visit was an affront. Pelosi was taken aback by the affront and left by the side door.
The visit was marred when Pelosi started a knife fight with a local gang. The skirmish became a brawl which became a riot, ending in a global nuclear exchange.
Millions were obliterated. But none of them were Americans so it was only reported on SBS.
PRINCE CHARLES AND HIS BRAIN NEVER SEEN TOGETHER AT THE SAME TIME
Prince Charles accepted a $1.7-million donation to his charitable trust from the family of Osama bin Laden because surely no one would notice.
But they did.
The Prince cannot believe the ensuing kerfuffle. He said, “Osama was a great US President.”
Charles has been advised not to accept donations from the Hitler family, either.
‘YOUR ABC’ IS A MIDDLE-AGED WHITE MALE
The ABC’s light entertainment programs are hosted by six middle-aged white men.
An executive said, “We thought ‘light’ entertainment had to do with pigmentation.”
An ABC lawyer (who one day hopes to be an actual lawyer) said, “We’re desperately trying to find a woman, but there are only millions to choose from.”
The middle-aged white men are talented, funny, handsome, able-bodied, and extremely diverse (one of them has a non-Anglo surname!)
In place of diversity and inclusion, the ABC has a diversity and inclusion department.
The men are starring in a new mini-series Six White Late Bloomers.
In other news…
- DUTTON GOT NUCLEAR IDEA AFTER WATCHING CHERNOBYL SERIES
- LIVING DAYLIGHTS FOUND BEATEN TO DEATH
- MORRISON INVITES COLLEAGUES TO COMPOUND FOR KOOL-AID TASTING
- CLIMATE BILL PASSES AS LNP APPARENTLY STILL CONFUSED ABOUT ELECTION LOSS
- EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE OF HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES DOUBLED BY PRESENCE OF TODDLER
- PARLIAMENT ALLOWS MPs TO BRING THEIR PETS TO WORK, TOO
