Being a part of the LGBT+ community is a triumph say Leeds residents, but there are still issues - trans rights are facing horrific scrutiny, gay people are still attacked on the street and coming out is still a fearful thing for so many.
The older generations who grew up gay in the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s when it was wholly 'frowned upon' paved the way for better rights.
Like the younger generations, they have social circles, they have friends who they could turn to and spend time with as a community should. However, with this comes the unrivalled question of age and some have lost their friends from when they were young.
In Leeds, MESMAC, one of the oldest and largest sexual health organisations in the country, hosts a number of events for members of the community to chat and get the appropriate help and guidance they need. One core group is the Sage Men's group, set up by Stephen Hopker.
The group meet once a week on a Wednesday between 2.15pm and 3.15pm just for a chat, to be around each other and often they spend time sharing their stories of the past. LeedsLive was invited in to speak to these members, hear their voices and tell their stories so that the younger generations are fully aware of the work done in the past by those who faced some truly horrible actions.
We spoke with three members of the group and spoke about life growing up gay when it wasn't "the right thing to be" and the experiences they have faced in modern times. Some of these stories are very upsetting and could be triggering for some people.
Mike, 66, from Crossgates, always hid his sexuality, saying he felt the pressure on men at the time to be 'normal', to marry and have children and push his feelings down. He became one of the lads, in a bid to cover up his sexuality but once he met eyes with his first partner across a shopping centre, that was it.
He said: “I used to be a real introvert, I wouldn’t even go into a shop when I was 17, I always hid my sexuality.
“I worked at an all-female establishment at one time, there was only me and the rest were female and I got pressured into being engaged, which I knew was the wrong thing.
"When I was 24, I met my first partner, I was coming through Crossgates Arndale centre and he was coming from the other side, all we did was pass each other and I knew straight away, it was just attraction but I was with a woman at the time.
"Then, the following day, I was waiting at the bus stop and a bus pulled up and he was on it, he banged on the window and got off at the next stop and came up to me, we had arranged to see each other the next day.
"I didn't hear from him, I waited and waited and waited and then he came round that evening, he came and never went, we were together 22 years."
Mike led a very happy life with his partner, they had over 20 years of a stable relationship, he had given up his old life and friends and never went back. He did this because he just didn't know how to associate with them being a gay man.
Sadly, his partner died, something which shocked Mike, his family and his partner's family who had grown very close over the years - they didn't know Mike and his partner were an item.
"It was really tragic, he had an ulcer and it took 13 days to come under control and after those 13 days he just died.
“It was a shock for me and a shock for his family as well, and I took it really badly, even though his family treat me like another brother, I couldn’t handle it, even when he died they never asked about 'us'," Mike added.
Several of the Sage men's group struggled with their sexuality early on, coming out later than most after leading what everyone at the time assumed to be a 'normal' life. Michael, aged 72, was married for forty years and had two children, he said that as a child he was holding hands with boys and it wasn't until he was 13 that he realised people were "not supposed to be gay."
Michael said: “When I was 17, two of my friends were beaten up, I don’t recall the details and two weeks later, one of them died.
“Queerbashing was a regular thing, a bunch of guys would go about queerkicking, it was the fashion, growing up, I didn’t realise until I was 13 that we weren’t supposed to be gay.”
“It comes a bit hard, when you have spent quite a few years of your young life not knowing, I was attracted to boys when I was only five years old, it came as a bit of a shock, when I was 12 I was already walking along the street with a boyfriend holding hands thinking, I am not supposed to do this.”
“You tend to hide your sexuality, it’s a protection, they were scary times, it’s a lot better now but it still happens, I have never understood discrimination at any level, we have no control, none of us have ever had control over who we are, I will never understand.”
Steve, also 66, the organiser and leader of the Sage group, spoke of his sense of guilt after coming out at a much later age than might be expected. He was 48 when he officially came out as gay and struggled with depression as a result.
He said: “I was one of these guys that had been married and had three kids and there was a degree of guilt around that actually.
“I came out when I was 48, I kept to the shadows, I had very little to do with the gay rights movements earlier on but I have since done stuff.
“I came late to the party and I still carry that really, I was covering up and it was quite a big stress, I got quite depressed and suicidal.
“It was a very strange time because I would go from being very very stressed, to asking how was I going to tell the children, to then hitting the clubs when I was 48 in 2003.”
The other member of the group, who did not wish to disclose his age or name, has faced horrendous abuse throughout a lot of his life as an openly gay man. He has dealt with almost two decades of homophobia, physical attacks and all he wants is to feel accepted.
He said: “I got punched in the temples three times about three years ago on a bus, the bus driver didn’t stop, I was raped twice on the gay scene, by my so-called best friend.”
“I’ve had a lot of trouble with neighbours, they have been homophobic for 18 years, they climb and knock on the window, and they insult me at every opportunity.
“They come at 4am, 5am and 6am, it’s a real struggle, I have lost five family members in seven years, every day is a struggle to get by, I live in constant fear, I must just have bad luck, no one else is going through this, I just want them to leave me alone.”
These are just three people's stories, and they all had a take home message for the younger generations. They said that progress is built on those that came before, they lived through it all and it's important to remember what they achieved facing sometimes life-threatening circumstances.
Any member of the LGBTQ+ community in Leeds can get help through Yorkshire Mesmac, as well as other services across the city, they offer free advice and testing for STIs, confidential guidance and lots of other important information, this can all be read on the Mesmac website.
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