The Expendables: What does it all mean?

It could well be the artiest event we'll see all year: the London premiere of The Expendables. It is a tale of advancing age and the awareness of one's own mortality. It stars Dolph Lundgren, Sylvester Stallone and Jason Statham. It is soulful and it is beautiful Photograph: Daniel Deme/EPA

Step forward, the Renaissance man. Sylvester Stallone co-writes, directs and stars as a man called 'Schizo', forced to confront issues relating to his own mortality while shooting, stabbing and throttling a band of gurning banana republic goons. Jason Statham co-stars as 'Lee Christmas', a former SAS operative experiencing similar moments of anguish Photograph: Mark Cuthbert/UK Press

Dolph Lundgren, meantime, is 'Gunnar Jensen', a Swedish warrior who is presumably a bit like the character played by Max von Sydow in The Seventh Seal. Adrift in London's Leicester Square, Lundgren gazes into the cameras and ponders the infinite Photograph: Max Nash/AFP/Getty Images

Such is the reverence in which The Expendables is held, its London premiere draws a crowd of thinkers, visionaries and poets. Here is Alice Cooper, soaking up some sweet words of wisdom Photograph: Dave Hogan/Getty Images

... while Michael Winner brings his wife on a pilgrimage. Will The Expendables, they wonder, prove as stark and touching a meditation on mortality as Winner's own 1999 opus Parting Shots? Photograph: Daniel Deme/EPA

To label The Expendables a war movie is like saying Wild Strawberries is a film about fruit, or Universal Soldier a movie about zombie GIs. Nonetheless, black-ops vixen Katie Price is taking no chances, and has shown up with the British army in tow Photograph: Dave Hogan/Getty Images

Neither, it turns out, is Stallone himself. His date for the night is real-life war hero Lance Corporal Johnson Beharry Photograph: Dave Hogan/Getty Images

But make no mistake, this is a family film too. As if to prove it, Lundgren has brought the Lundgrens. Aren't they adorable? Later, perhaps, all three will be killed, prompting Lundgren to swear a terrible, bloody revenge Photograph: Dave Hogan/Getty Images

Do we have time for a plot summary before the film kicks off? The Expendables is a brawny heavyweight smackdown, featuring an ensemble cast of 80s and 90s action stars on a mission to upend a South African dictator. Along the way they learn some important life lessons, confront their own mortality and potentially garrote their enemies with cheese-wire Photograph: Max Nash/AFP/Getty Images

But a bald synopsis can only scratch at the surface of this enigmatic human drama. Here comes General Sir Mike Jackson, preparing to unravel the film's mysteries for himself Photograph: John Phillips/UK Press

Boxer Amir Khan thinks he may have figured it out and duly clenches his fists in triumph. It's about life, he is thinking. Mortality! And guns! Photograph: Mark Cuthbert/UK Press

For Preeya Kalidas, however, the movie's message remains tantalisingly elusive, just behind her, out of reach. And illegible to boot Photograph: Mark Cuthbert/UK Press

Ultimately it falls to Leslie Phillips to point the way. The true meaning, says Leslie, lies deep within ourselves. One must first hunt deep then dig it out Photograph: Richard Young/Rex Features/Richard Young / Rex Features

And now, at long last, the waiting is over, the search complete and the screening about to commence. Stallone calls for calm and quiet. He treads up the carpet and into the cinema where there shall be life lessons, male bonding and (fingers crossed) some swarthy villains getting garroted with cheese-wire. We will step out older, and wiser Photograph: Dave Hogan/Getty Images

So there we have it: the London unveiling of The Expendables, a sober, soulful film about love and loss, mortality and the shooting and stabbing of people. Small wonder Statham, Stallone and Lundgren look so awed by their own achievement Photograph: Richard Young/Rex Features/Richard Young / Rex Features