The wee guy with his “end of nigh” sandwich board is looking annoyingly smug these days.
The floods, the fuel crisis, soaring inflation, Ukraine and the piles of rubbish from the bin strike do give off a nasty apocalyptic whiff.
If you think seeing discarded open nappies on the street is depressing, wait until you see the deep doo-doo we are about to step in.
We will know by this time next week whether the 160,000 Tory members have foisted Rishi Sunak or Liz Truss upon us.
It’s as exciting as being a kid waiting for Christmas knowing their big gift is socks.
The Russians can call off the bots for this “election” – there is no democracy to interfere with.
The posh old Tory men, the wearers of slacks and upturned Pringle collars, have been assessing which is the greatest lickspittle to the rich, the most cut-throat and the least principled. This means it should be a tighter competition than it is.
As the leadership race enters its final week, Truss is still ahead, trundling towards the finish line with all the grace of a fun runner dressed as a panda.
Somewhere in hell, Maggie is raging at Liz’s audacity.
Liz may wear the pussybows of Thatcher and have the same black heart but she has the brains of the Wizard of Oz scarecrow.
Advisors around Truss have saved her from herself by cancelling all interviews where scrutiny is going to be an issue.
So that’s pretty much everyone apart from right wing GB News as Liz says they “get their facts right’.
Yes, this is the same sharp-witted news broadcaster which fell for being trolled by fake named callers like “Hugh Janus”.
As predicted, the love-in GB News interview was as nauseating as catching your parents kissing.
She pulled out of a BBC interview booked for last night, because she was “too busy”. Was there a last-minute bake sale in Islington short of her signature cinnamon buns?
Admittedly, Rishi’s interview didn’t go well with Nick Robinson and the leadership hopeful looked permanently shaken by his own incompetency throughout.
Lizzy’s refusal to be interviewed by any of the big guns shows her utter contempt for the nation of us plebs she is about to reign over.
As yet she has not revealed her big idea to get us through the impending winter with millions facing fuel and food poverty.
Whatever she is about to deliver, we don’t want to sign for it. Though it’s unlikely to be any more inventive than “stock up on candles”, we need to know how she will steer the boat through this perfect storm from the helm.
Spoiler alert: in the movie the giant wave wins.
So far her key proposal has been tax cuts by which she means tax cuts for the rich.
This will be the “trickle-down effect” the Tories talk about which must have millionaires and billionaires in hoots of laughter.
The good news is that Boris Johnson is offski unless the cult leader locks himself in No10 and goes full Waco.
Former Tory rival Rory Stewart says that even after he leaves, Johnson aims to return to power in the style of other deposed populists like former Italian leader Silvio Berlusconi.
Remember his tenure was racked with sex affairs and terrible judgment, like Berlusconi’s.
Stewart is sadly right when he says “there are people who want him back”, ex-wives excluded.
But gather round your one-bar electric fire folks, the faint hope is that Truss or Sunak will be such a disaster, the Tories will lose the next election.
So unless we all get scurvy from surviving on nothing but pasta for the next two years, there is light on the horizon, if not in our houses in the short term.
Gove us all peace
Former Conservative minister Michael Gove has been photographed partying in Ibiza and guzzling as much vodka as he can down his scrawny neck.
In the worst midlife crisis ever the former levelling up secretary was pictured in a crumpled, stained white shirt dancing like he thinks he is Beyonce. All of which confirms what we knew all along – Gove is absolutely raving mad.
Meghan on a flight of Mandela fantasy
Meghan Markle has gone and given another interview to a fawning publication.
As if the Queen wasn’t depressed enough with the prospect of meeting with Boris Johnson for the great PM handover.
In some ways it is understandable that Meghan grabs every chance to kick the Royals given the treatment they doled out to her.
But self-editing wouldn’t go amiss when she speaks.
In her latest whinge in The Cut magazine, she recalled how a South African performer at the Lion King film premiere compared her to Mandela. He told her: “When you married into the royal family we rejoiced in the streets the same we did when Mandela was freed from prison.”
Mandela, who spent 27 years in prison in the fight against apartheid, may have baulked.
The world celebrated when he was released because it was also an end to apartheid. A biracial woman marrying into the privilege of the Royal family was progress but hardly the seismic shift of Mandela.
My mum says I could still carry off Daisy Duke shorts but just because someone says it, doesn’t make it true Meghan.
Don't miss the latest news from around Scotland and beyond - Sign up to our daily newsletter here.
