Have you ever dreamed of being famous?
Even if we're a bit embarrassed to admit it, fame seems to offer some huge benefits: wealth, access, validation, adoration.
But being a celebrity can come at a huge cost, and the experience can be both isolating and addictive — just ask 2007 Australian Idol winner Natalie Gauci.
"You can get into this headspace where everything feels like a fantasy and then nothing is reality anymore, and that's where things get dangerous," she told RN's All in the Mind.
As the winner, Gauci secured a record contract and a national tour that started the day after Idol wrapped.
"It was all just systems go, there was no time to think, there was no time to really celebrate,"she says.
Gauci worked well under pressure though and her debut album went platinum.
But it was when the heat from Idol started to die down that she began to struggle.
"I was recording my second album and I went to America. I just turned into a different person, and I just sabotaged my next opportunity.
"I had time to think, I had time to feel, and that's when things went downwards for me."
Just before the release of her second album, Gauci walked away from her record deal and left Australia.
'Fame sits on a table like a bloated cod'
Donna Rockwell is a clinical psychologist who specialises in celebrity mental health.
While working as a young journalist in Washington, she saw people around her becoming famous and was fascinated by how the experience changed them.
As part of her doctorate on the psychology of fame and celebrity, Dr Rockwell interviewed 15 American celebrities.
They were from a range of professions and at different stages in their careers, but all shared similar problems.
"One of the participants told me, 'fame sits on the table between you like a bloated cod; sometimes friends leave, and you have to understand why they leave because you're special and they're not.'"
"Fame becomes an addiction; we become addicted to that level of not only attention, but adulation.
"There is also this 'has been' problem, because you can't keep that bright light forever."
Dr Rockwell's study identified four phases of fame:
1. The first phase is love/hate. They love finally getting acknowledged, but then it gets creepy and they hate it.
2: Then there's an addiction phase. 'I may not like this, but for some reason, I can't live without it.'
3. The third phase is acceptance.
4. The fourth and final stage is adaptation — and includes realising you are part of something larger than yourself.
The sweet spot
Australian musician Ben Lee had his first taste of fame at just 13, when he got a record deal with his band Noise Addict.
"When you're famous or experiencing some fame, it does feel like you're at the centre of the world and all of the various problems or issues kind of revolve around you," Lee says.
"Anyone who has any involvement in show business or has any taste of celebrity understands that there is a really sweet spot on this continuum.
"That is where you have access to what you want access to, but people aren't bothering you. I mean, that's the dream.
"You get to eat good quality food, you get to travel nicely, you get to stay in nice places. But no-one wants people bothering them.
"It's usually the first flushes of fame that are the most disorientating, and it comes with an intense sense of drama."
What does it feel like to have obsessive fans?
Journalist Michael Schulman, who writes celebrity profiles for The New Yorker magazine, says people react to fame in different ways.
"There are people who have been ready to be famous since they came out of the womb, and they know exactly what to do as a famous person," he says.
"But other people are completely thrown by it or are just uncomfortable with it."
Mental health in your inbox
Get a selection of the best mental health content from across the ABC by subscribing to our monthly newsletter
Actor Adam Driver found fame in the HBO television series Girls, but his level of celebrity shifted after being cast as Kylo Ren in the Star Wars franchise.
Schulman profiled Driver just before the release of the final Star Wars film he appeared in, The Rise of Skywalker.
"I could just tell that being recognised in the way that he was because of Star Wars made him so deeply uncomfortable," Schulman says.
"He talked about how he was in a Broadway show and people would gather at the stage door and give him fan art, and they knew the name of his wife and their dog.
"I think the level of attention that came with Star Wars was more than he bargained for.
"He was palpably uncomfortable with it."
A dangerous level of snark
And then there's social media.
Its impact on celebrity cannot be understated: for one, it's allowed famous people to have direct access to their fans.
"There's another way besides the paparazzi to connect with your fan base, and it's directly — and a lot of celebrities like that," Dr Rockwell says.
"[But there are also] people [who] think they have the right to tear another person down just because they're a celebrity."
Gauci says while a lot of the fan feedback she got during Idol was positive, the negative comments took their toll.
"It was hard to read [YouTube] comments because people can be very mean. It's like, well, I'm a human being on the other side," she says.
Gauci experienced trauma as a child, and in her 20s the pain was still largely hidden.
Becoming famous brought it all to bear, and was ultimately why she abandoned her record deal.
It took another seven years and the birth of her son before she was able to properly heal.
"I tried to search for that record deal again, for seven years, trying to be someone else that I wasn't."
Lee says he's learnt that celebrity is "a thing that comes and goes".
"If you're on the telly, there'll be a few days where you'll go to the airport and people will recognise you, and then they'll forget a week later.
"Humans have this remarkable inability to imagine life beyond the moment that they're living in at that time.
"Celebrity is not going to last forever, that is guaranteed."
