A song that is dedicated, sort of to the tune of, and with apologies to: Tenacious D's Kickapoo:
It was a long-ish gosh-darn time ago in a land called Newcastle,
Where the people were all music fans with a dream of rock-n-roll
And along came all these touring acts, promising to blow their minds
But when push really came to shove, they'd cancel every time!
-
First, it was some bloke from Florida who charged a hundred at the door,
To see him, the big headline act, and about a dozen more.
But when the show was set to go,
Big Flo was seen no more!
-
The humble fans of Newcastle were waiting to be told
How we'd paid our way to see him play, and now we were stuck on hold.
Imagine how we felt back then when Flo's people came to say,
He'd overslept, was running late, and probably wouldn't play!
-
Sure, we thought, that really sucks, as the courts fought for our rights
Surely that was a one-off, it couldn't happen twice.
But who could know just down the road, at the home of rock'n'roll
The Cambo thought they'd landed big when they booked the Gambino!
-
Glover was the biggest name in cities far and wide,
He was playing down in Sydney town and thought he'd hitch a ride,
Up the M1 to our door with his entourage in tow
Then, when the show got started, the only guy not saying much
Was the childish Gambino!
-
He said he never promised us that he'd sing a lick,
Instead, he'd host in silence, and on that stage chair, he did sit
Until the crowd got pretty loud and made our feelings for him known.
He tried to win us back, but that horse had surely flown.
-
Ok then, we told ourselves, this is getting out of hand.
Fool us once, that's shame on you, but twice is less tham fair.
These musos think they can come to town, then cancel just like that.
And we'll just come back every time and pat them on the back.
-
Well, "Not again," we thought we'd said. "If you're coming, then come and play."
We've had it up to here, and it's time we stop and say.
In the humble town of Newcastle, the fans are baying at the door
If one more act cans a show, we'll be baying for something more!
-
Well, the years went by, and we thought for a while that we'd seen it all
We had Elton John, Pink and Sir Paul, Buble and The Corrs
Then Jack Black and his mate Kyle Gass came knocking at the door
And we thought, heck yeah, we love those guys, in Newy they belong
It was a sell-out show, the day of no less; what could possibly go wrong?!
-
We woke up that Tuesday morn, ready to get in line
Jack Black had bought a watch in town; surely that was a good sign
Then Kyle Gass had his birthday cake and said something a bit unkind
But we didn't think that much of it until the afternoon
When the Facebook post shared the worst: the show had been "postponed"
-
Look, I'm running out of rhyming words; this is not my usual gig.
And the internet isn't helping because its best rhyme for gig was "fig."
Thanks, Google, I'm double-mad: Jack Black reneged, and rhymes are such a chore
I'm tired, hurt, and grumpy some; I don't wanna do this anymore.
-
So, let's make this the final verse in our sad song about our plight
Of bands who said they'd play but then quickly went to flight.
Tenacious D was just next on a list to disappoint.
We could look for answers everywhere to how things got so disjoint...ed
So, let's just say they missed their chance, we're great, and leave it there.
One day, we're sure, we'll mend our pride and forget this whole affair
But now, and since it's news you want, we're still trying to confirm
What could have made Jack Black and Co. give up the ghost and turn
More to come on that frontier when the truth is finally clear.
