There is nothing more picturesquely Christmas than a cosy family huddled around a table sharing a meal, and arguing about politics. It’s the modern equivalent of the nativity scene — except don’t bring up religion because that’ll set off your brother-in-law. But what other hot topics should keep on high alert for at the table at Christmas this year?
If you’re like me, the holidays are a time to be prepared. I buy everyone their gifts when there are sales in November, I check the weather forecast weeks ahead to make sure our venue is appropriate, and to cap it all off I meticulously plan every conversation that could possibly happen in the span of one meal.
Sure, there’s obvious things like politics, religion, and breakups that you should always avoid. However, thanks to the sheer amount of polarising events that have happened in 2024, there are also a bunch of other discussion points that are sure to start a row too.
So as a public service announcement, here’s a list of events that occurred in 2024 that you should NOT bring up at lunch on Christmas Day unless you want a grandparent to pop a hernia and your mum to insist everything is fine while she cries at the table.
1. The US Presidential Election
On November 6, Donald Trump was re-elected as President of the United States by 49.9 per cent of the voting public — just in case you needed a reminder of this wonderful reality we live in.
And according to your uncle who gets all his information from Sky News, this outcome has saved America and the world from the end of democracy from the evil Kamala Harris, who would have forced everyone to have an abortion and use pronouns.
In Australia we have one state called Queensland which fucks with every election prediction because half the population is racist but often won't vote for the racism party for reasons nobody can quite explain.
— Batshit Australia (@batshit_auspol) November 5, 2024
From what we can gather about America, every state is Queensland.
Unless you want to spend the entire first course explaining what a tariff actually is, and then the following two on why they won’t work, avoid bringing up US politics.
2. The Olympics Opening Ceremony
The world tuned in to the Paris 2024 Olympics in August to watch the best athletes on the planet go for gold in one of the most beautiful cities on Earth.
This topic would be a great one to reflect on over an entrée, were it not for the “Woke dystopian” Opening Ceremony which had conservatives in a meltdown over a liberal depiction of the Last Supper.
The 2024 Paris Olympics has gone full Woke dystopian.
— Kyle Becker (@kylenabecker) July 26, 2024
The opening ceremony was filled with transgend*r mockery of the Last Supper, the Golden Calf idol, and even the Pale Horse from the Book of Revelation.
The Olympics has made it clear that Christian viewers aren't welcome. pic.twitter.com/LgawyE6YRX
Sure, Christ taught his followers to forgive and show love. But Christmas is his birthday, so your sister-in-law gets the day off from all that.
3. Woolworths’ Australia Day Merch
Every year the topic of changing the date of Australia Day becomes more and more of an outrage bait for Daily Mail readers. Woolworths became the public enemy this year when it announced it would not be selling Australian-themed products over the Invasion Day public holiday.
Were it not for folks like Peter Dutton stoking the flames of division by calling everyone else divisive, there’d probably have been a pretty simple solution already.
Unfortunately, Peter Dutton does exist, and someone at your table on Christmas is a big fan of his. Best just to talk to them about music instead.
4. Taylor Swift
Okay, all music other than Taylor Swift that is.
“But Tay Tay is the artist of the year! Her Eras Tour made over three billion dollars and she’s been nominated for countless awards! Why shouldn’t we bring her up?” I hear you ask.
Answer: This is Australia dammit. We hate tall poppies.
Bringing up someone as successful as Taylor Swift is a surefire way to land yourself in a fight with someone who will make any rational or irrational point in an effort to discredit her and suck out your joy.
5. Raygun’s Breaking Moves
Dr Rachel “Raygun” Gunn was one of the first people in the world to represent their country at the Olympics in the sport of breaking. She was successful in all the heats that led up to the Games, and she has a PhD in the sport.
Unfortunately for her, she looked a bit silly when she busted a move and is now one of the most polarising figures in the media globally.
Toddlers when you say it’s nap time pic.twitter.com/jiwcIFtnUb
— LilHumansBigImpact (@BigImpactHumans) August 9, 2024
Your brother who watches Andrew Tate and believes women are inferior is bound to have some wonderful theories on why Raygun is a fraud or deserves the international hate she received.
And even though everything that will come out of his mouth is objectively wrong, he’s right about one thing: her dancing did look silly.
And that’s a fact nobody can defend.
6. One All Boys Schools Going Co-Ed
You’ll notice there are plenty of injustices and political topics that are not on this list. And frankly, that’s because everyone in Australia already does well enough at ignoring those atrocities that are happening.
The things we’d rather get fired up about are much more important, like that one school in Sydney that decided to switch from being an all-boys school to a co-ed one.
One of Sydney's oldest boys' schools is going co-ed, leaving some parents furious about what they call the "woke agenda" behind the move. #9News
— 9News Sydney (@9NewsSyd) January 31, 2024
READ: https://t.co/lEk2MipvdR pic.twitter.com/aS5V96tkbj
Now your dad is usually pretty cool about things, but even he can’t avoid the fact he’s a private school Old Boy. And something about the fact his old school would dare try and educate women means he’ll lose all rationality at the Christmas lunch table.
7. Kendrick vs Drake
Nothing ruins Christmas like finding out your little brother thinks Drake came out on top of Kendrick Lamar.
He’s been relatively quiet on the topic so far. Once when you were in the car and “Not Like Us” began playing he skipped it.
It’s best for everyone you don’t open that can of worms and lose all respect for him. Not on Christmas.
Think of the family. Better yet, think of the kids. Drake sure does.
Lead Image: Getty
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