As a teenager trying to make it in the cut-throat world of professional football, Peter Crouch was a “freakish, big tall gangly kid, all arms and legs [like] Bambi on ice".
If that description sounds unflattering, consider that it is from one of Crouch’s earliest supporters, a youth coach at his first professional club, Tottenham Hotspur. Some of his detractors were far more cruel, and Crouch’s battle to prove his doubters wrong is the overarching theme of a new documentary, That Peter Crouch Film.
The doc charts Crouch’s career in his own words, from ridiculed misfit to member of the Premier League’s exclusive 100-goal club, with help from familiar faces including Harry Redknapp (who signed the six-foot-seven-inch striker for three clubs), Steven Gerrard and Sven Goran-Eriksson, as well as friends and family.
There were crushing lows, such as the moment Crouch was booed by England fans in 2005 ("The closest to depressed I’ve ever been"), and soaring highs, particularly his eventual redemption with the national team at the 2006 World Cup.
Wherever he went, from Portsmouth to Southampton to Liverpool, Crouch seemingly had to prove himself all over again. He recounts in particular detail his 18-game goal-drought on joining Liverpool, reminiscing with Gerrard about the time he wrenched the ball from the Reds captain to take a penalty in game 15, only to miss.
Crouch eventually broke his duck against Wigan and met his future wife Abbey Clancy, a model, on the same night.
The quick wit and easygoing nature which have made Crouch such a hit as a broadcaster are apparent throughout, although he struggles to see the funny side of the ridicule he suffered, admitting he frequently felt like a "national laughing stock" (or ‘laughing stick’, as one headline-writer had it).
To the casual viewer, it is a tale of redemption and Crouch’s story even has the makings of a Hollywood script: an unlikely everyman battles mockery and adversity to reach the top and gets the girl along the way (once asked what he would have been if not a footballer, Crouch infamously replied "a virgin", but he and Clancy make a lovely pair).
But while Crouch himself is unique, most football fans will recognise that his career arc is not. He contends early on in the 85-minute doc that his is a "different kind of success story because it hasn’t been plain sailing", but that is not strictly true.
Many footballers, perhaps a majority, who reach the same level as Crouch have to overcome some adversity on the way. Such is the unforgiving nature of elite professional sport, it is rarely ever "plain sailing".
Some are too slow or too small at first; Crouch was too tall. In this respect, he is admittedly one-of-a-kind – "I wished I was just a normal fricking height," he says – but his journey and constant desire to prove himself are not so very different from others.
Aside from his stature, what stands out about Crouch is his relatability, which has translated to huge success on That Peter Crouch Podcast, which has over 60 million listens, and The Therapy Crouch – a show about relationships with Clancy.
Few footballers since Gary Lineker have made the transition from pitch to studio with such ease and today Crouch is, as former teammate Jamie Carragher says, his own "brand".
His second career is given relatively little air-time on the doc, though, aside from a big hurrah at the close, and more focus Crouch’s obvious sense of humour and less on his struggles might have made for more compelling viewing.
